The Twilight Saga


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Okay, so if you don't get what's gonna happen, then maybe you need to have a long think about it... he he.


Credits for the first chapter go to Kel Bel, Marshmallow, and Rachel Cullen!




By Mrs Sky Cullen

Chapter 1- Stress


The one thing I hate about this family is we’re always stressed.

Recently, the mall had a major blackout, and by the time the power was back, practically every store was robbed, meaning Alice had nowhere to shop. So, she took it out on Bella, dying her hair blonde and replacing her wardrobe. How? The little pixie has her ways...


Then, there’s Nessie. She’s been going to fourth grade recently, being able to pass for a ten year old, and the kids there recently discovered that she had a teddy bear, Mr. Snuggles.

I, of course, thought it was funny! For someone who “supposedly” had an adult’s maturity level, she was pretty babyish.

But, either way, she came home sooking, so I had to help comfort her.


Even I was stressed. Edward and Bella were plotting against me, but I had no idea what they were planning to do!

I mean, what could they do to a big, strong man like me?


Right. Stupid question.


Anyway, I decided we needed a break. So, I had a talk with the family.


“You think we should what?” asked Alice, clearly annoyed.

“Hire a private jet, and go on a holiday,” I laughed.

“To where?” Esme asked, utterly confused. I grinned.

“Australia!” I laughed. “We could stay at SeaWorld, and visit Dream world, Movie World...”

“And what are we going to do there? Expose the vampire kind?” Rosalie asked, her arm twitching as if she were going to hit me.

No! We’re going to have fun! It’s winter there, and that means it’ll be cloudy!” I remarked, pleased to have done my research. The others looked at each other.

“But what if the Tasmanian devils are there? They’re scary!” Nessie said, clutching her mother’s arms. I laughed loudly.

“You don’t actually think that Tasmanian devils are like Taz, do you?” I asked, shaking my head.

“Yes,” Nessie muttered, and I rolled my eyes.

“Anyway, who recons we should go? Raise your hands?” I said, ignoring Nessie’s doubtful eyes.

Carlisle, Esme, Rosie, Edward, Bella, Jasper and I all raised our hands.

“It’ll mean new shopping destinations,” I added, and Alice’s hand bolted up like a bolt of lightning.

“I guess it’s decided. Now, can I fly?” I asked, my eyes lighting up. The others just shrugged. What could go wrong?


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lol more!
Please Note: The story of Chester and Eden was origionally sorta gonna be Carlisle&Esme's honeymoon thing up to the "haunted" and rediculous parts lol.They WERE going to find the eye, and the P***** S*** but that's it lol. THAT'S part of the humour I suppose.
You may also want to re read it after Emmett comes in XD
Chapter 18- Bedtime Stories
I smirked as the monkeys chased Emmett around, when I noticed how high the moon was.
“Bedtime Ness,” I smiled. Renesmee groaned.
“Can’t I go when Uncle Emmett goes insane?” she pleaded. I laughed.
“You would’ve been in bed long ago if that were the case.”
“ERICA! HELP ME!” Emmett cried. Who was Erica?
“A figment of Emmett’s deranged imagination,” Edward said, answering what must’ve been Ness’s thoughts, and scaring the hell out of me while he was at it.
“Don’t fly away! I NEED YOU!” Emmett begged, deliberately slowing down so the monkeys could finally catch up to him.
“C’mon Ness,” I said, pulling her away from my brother-in-law’s idiotic game of tag with monkeys.
“Can you at least tell me a story?” she asked as we got to her sleeping bag. I sighed.
“I suppose,” I said.
“Oh, can we listen too?” Alice asked, clinging to Jasper. Evil little pixie, who didn’t get blue hair.
“Sure!” Ness cried. I rolled my eyes.
“Hey, where’d Carlisle and Esme go?” Edward asked, coming over and sitting beside me. Alice’s expression went blank for a split second before they both shuddered.
“You don’t wanna know,” Alice said. “Anyway, start the story!”
I sighed. Something bad was about to happen. I just knew it.
“Once upon a time there was a beautiful-”
“Not another stupid princess story!” Jake complained. “How about one with a talking dog?”
“Okay, how’s this? Once upon a time there was an idiotic mutt called Jacob, who smelt like wet dog to everyone, including humans!” I said sarcastically. Everyone giggled, except Jake.
“Why don’t you try an action one?” Jasper asked. I sighed.
“Deep down on the bottom of the ocean, lies a haunted pirate ship,” I began. Everyone looked more excited. “The haunted ship used to belong to Long John Greenbeard. Anyway, this ship was near the island of Hawaii, where the hero and his wife lived. Their names were Eden and Chester.
“Well, on their honeymoon they decided it would be a good idea to go snorkelling. What nobody knew was they had a secret. They were vampires.”
That’s when everyone started giggling. I ignored them.
“Well, because Eden and Chester didn’t need to breathe, they didn’t snorkel the normal way. They just wore their bathing suits, and they went a lot further off shore than a human would have.
“They swam with dolphins, they fed on sharks, and even freed some turtles. Then, they discovered the haunted pirate ship.
“‘I think I’ll wait out here,’ Eden mouthed. Chester chuckled, taking her hand and swimming through the window with her by his side.
“They came to a disgusting sight. Skeletons covered the floor, and one was on the roof with a barrel on his head. As Eden and Chester shakily went up to the barrel skeleton, they accidently knocked him off and the barrel popped off, revealing a skull with a wooden eye still in the socket.
“Eden screamed as the eye fell from the skull and rolled across the floor.”
They were in hysterics at that point. Even Edward was. I glared, and continued on like they weren’t laughing at my story.
“Suddenly, a mist floated up from the skeleton, followed by mist flowing from every dead body in the room.
“Long John Greenbeard approached them, the nastiest of them all. He had a peg leg, and an eye patch that was oozing green sludge.
“‘ARRG!’ he cried. ‘Why you be on my ship?!’ Eden was terrified at that point, but Chester stood bravely beside his wife.
“‘We merely stumbled across it on out travels sir,’ he said honestly. Greenbeard wasn’t impressed. He wielded his sword and went to slash Eden’s face, but Chester wasn’t going to let that happen.
“Bravely, Chester pushed his wife behind him and took the blow, getting a deep cut in his face that was somehow oozing with blood. That’s when the shark burst in.”
I couldn’t take anymore. They were rolling on the ground for god’s sake!
“What’s so funny about a shark bursting in about to eat them all?” I demanded.
“Look... behind you... love!” Edward said between fits of laughter. Slowly, I turned around to find Emmett, of course, with a huge group of monkeys, still acting out my story. Emmett seemed to be Chester, a monkey with a green hat was greenbeard, some other random monkey was Eden, and a monkey with his hands together on his back was the shark.
My palm slammed into my forehead. With Emmett acting my story out, he probably made Chester lazily push his wife aside, and make a slash to the face over dramatic. I grinned. I could have some fun here.
“‘Oh Chester my love!’ Eden cried. ‘Kiss me, before it’s too late for us!’” I said. Emmett looked at me, said “D’OH!” and then kissed the monkey. And not just a quick peck either. It was a long, heartfelt, passionate kiss, and he looked like he enjoyed it. I giggled. I wasn’t done yet.
“‘I love you too much to die!’ Chester cried, wrapping his arms around his beautiful wife before trying desperately to swim away from the situation (with her).”
Emmett wrapped his arms around the monkey and began to freestyle with one arm along the sand. I didn’t need to say anything more as the shark monkey chased after them, opening his mouth to try and ‘eat’ them. Greenbeard monkey just sat down and picked his nose. GROSS!
Ness was wiping tears from her eyes as Emmett realised he’d just started another monkey chase.
“What’d we miss?” Esme asked from behind us. Shuddering, we turned to face them.
“Bella told an ‘action’ story,” Jasper laughed. “But I’m pretty sure you guys got all the action.”
Renesmee covered her ears and began singing, while Carlisle and Esme looked at each other, and grinned.
Suddenly, they were on the sand, full on making out. In fact, I think it was about to go further than that! I picked Ness up in her sleeping bag, and we all ran.

I laughed as the children ran from the scene.
“They gone yet?” Carlisle asked, his lips on my neck. I grinned even wider.
“If they think what we want them to think, they’ll be on the other side of the island by now,” I giggled. He chuckled with me, helping me stand up.
“What was that movie you wanted to watch again?” he asked, placing his arm around my shoulders.
“Remember Me,” I smiled, letting him lead me off to Jaspers bag so we could actually watch a soppy movie in peace. Best, plan, ever.
Really? Remember Me? hahaha, loved it, and the passionate kiss between the two 'monkeys' was hilarious((meaning an actual monkey and Emmett))
ha ha Emmett's prank got turned back on him he had to kiss a monkey XD
and go C+E soppy movies rock! lol
you really have an imagination
funniest chapter ever!!!!! hahaha!!!!
hahah wow esme and carlisle. so funny :)
Oh, I love Remember Me! :)

Post more soon! this chappie was hilarious
oh gross parent se* (not sure if this counts as swearing or not so go with it). I shudder at the thought. I can't believe Emmett pashed a monkey, oh wait it was bound to happen sometime.
Go Esme and Carlisle woo lol nice pirate story and eew he made out with a monkey thats gross but i loved it
OH MY GOD!!!!!! ahahahahahaha i love it!!!!!!!! and im a big pirate fanatic! and i love stuff with pirates in them! but i can't believe emmett started making out with a monkey! wow i feel bad for rosalie!


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