This is rewrite of my only successful story. XD
I began writing Black Swan on August 28th in 2010.
I know there were TONS of mistakes the first time around, and I have a feeling I could make it better now. Before I was just blindly stumbling into writing, but now I really think I could make it better. I know I had a bunch of people that read it the first time and I hope to have just as many this time, if not more. (does this sound too hopeful?)
(No I did not take the title from the ballet movie, nor does have ballet in it. I was phsyched when I found out there was a movie coming out with the same name as my FanFiction. XD)
BANNERS ARE ALWAYS WELCOME!
(Like the banner? It was made by the wonderful Minnie!)
I looked into his eyes and saw only pain. How could I have been so stupid? This was everything I had ever wanted, everything I had dreamed of. He was the image of sheer perfection in my eyes. But this was entirely my fault, and now I was paying for it.
“I’m so sorry, please, you have to believe me.” I looked into his eye, mine pleading.
“I want to, I really want to, But I don’t think I can.” His tore away from mine as he turned around. I felt tears spill over the ridges of my eyes as I watched him walk away. I sank against the wall and watched him until he became too small and too blurry for me to see anymore. I closed my eyes and pulled my knees tightly to my chest as I fell; fell into the black desperation and self-pity that were now closing over me.
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There was now a dark brownish-reddish stain on the white linoleum of my bathroom floor. I couldn’t get it to come out of the old faked tiles, hopefully Charlie wouldn’t notice.
I didn’t understand how the weekend had flown by so quickly, but somehow, it was Monday again. I disliked school even more than usual now; people were mean, vindictive, and careless. They didn’t seem to know anything, they were completely oblivious to what Edward had done to me, they saw the apparent “freak” on the outside.
I spent my lunches in the library now; I sat there and pretended to read Manga. It made me feel like I belonged to something, even if it was only the odd and antisocial kids who sat in the back of the library during lunch, I was now one of them.
I was tripped and pushed around by stinky jocks and preppy girls in the hallways nonstop. I just had to endure the torture on my way to all my classes, but it always seemed to get worse when I was headed to fourth block.
Hearing the ugly scraping sound of the stool next to me made me want to cover my ears, close my eyes, and just drift away into an unknown and far away land.
When I heard the scraping of that stool on the floor next to me, I knew he was there. I stiffened and tried to look relaxed as Mr. M started class. He directed us to open up our books. I began to open the book but quickly switched hands, the other one hurt too much from the other night’s accident.
I felt the air change, felt the tone of the person next to me change. He stiffened which caused me to look at him through the split up hairs of my bangs. He was staring at my hand.
But he wasn’t staring at my hand, he was staring it the big, angry looking cut that graced the top of it. I should have bandaged it. I felt his eyes on me throughout the rest of the class.
I thought I had finally escaped his stare when the bell rung, but to my dismay, he cornered me. I tried not to look at him even that little bit of contact hurt too much, let alone the act of breathing in his familiar cologne and feeling his skin on my arm. It wasn’t as warm as I remembered it. It was cold and hard.
Had I imagined the whole thing? Was it really him that I thought I might have loved? No, this guy was different, much different.
“Please tell me you didn’t do that to yourself.” His voice was plain and monotonous, but it was still the voice I remembered.
Except now it was filled with pain. I felt my heart shatter at the sound of it, pieces of it began to fill my eyes in the form of water. I blinked hard so that wouldn’t fall. “I didn’t do it myself.” I said quietly, looking away from him. I wasn’t lying; I hadn’t done it to myself.
“Are you lying?” He asked in the same voice.
“No,” my voice scratched at my throat.
He turned my hand over several times in his own, looking at my palm and then red gash on the other side. He stiffened again and then dropped it, letting it fall uselessly to my side.
His eyes darted to the left of the hallway and an almost scared sheen glazed over them. He looked back to me and searched my eyes before backing up and nearly running away to the right of the hallway. I followed the trail his eyes had taken and saw the ice queen herself.
I painstakingly let my tears fall and ran after him. I needed answers. I needed them now, I needed to know. I found him hiding in a stairwell. He was actually hiding; the Edward I knew wouldn’t have ever hid from anything, especially not Rosalie.
He looked startled to see me.
“You said you didn’t ditch me,” I said, looking him straight in the eyes, ignoring the ache in my chest.
He shook his head slowly, “No, I didn’t.”
“Then tell me what really happened.” I tried to keep my voice strong, but I could hear the whininess that hid within it.
He looked at me. I really hated what he had done to his eyes. He kept changing the contacts, like he couldn’t make up his mind between black or topaz. They were black today.
“You should leave Bella.” He said, as if giving me some warning.
“Not until you tell me what happened.” I heard a pleading tone begin to come through my voice as well.
“Leave Bella, now,” His voice on the other hand was hard and stern, the pain I had heard there earlier had disappeared, a commanding but somehow desperate tone took its place.
I felt my eyebrows furrow together, “N-no,” I hated myself for stuttering.
“Then I will,” He ran faster than I had ever seen anything run before. He was gone before I could even cry out a “stop” or a “wait.”
His eyes were that topaz color again today. I desperately wished that he would just stop with the contacts, his green eyes were perfect just the way they were. I felt his eyes on me all throughout photography. But I watched him too, through my bangs so that he couldn’t see. I knew he kept looking at my hand, he thought I had done it purposely to myself.
I hadn’t, and I told him I hadn’t, but I knew he didn’t believe me. I was relieved when the bell rang; I ran straight to my truck and then scoured my backpack for I knew I had slipped in there earlier.
The photography room just happened to be in the room right next to the art room. I had swiped a clean razor blade from the counter earlier, I wasn’t sure what to do with it, but I felt like I needed one.
So I took it, it was the first thing I had ever stolen in my life. I found it at the bottom of my backpack, underneath my wallet. I had cleaned it again in the bathroom during lunch.
Making sure no one was watching I took it out and pressed it to the inside of my wrist. I wasn’t going to cut anything; I just wanted to see what it felt like to have the power to. The blade was dull anyway. I sighed and shook my head, throwing it out the window, disgusted with myself.
I leaned forward and pressed my forehead into the steering wheel.
A loud angry voice startled me. “You did do it to yourself! Gosh Bella!” Panic started to overtake my heart’s beat. “How could you lie to me like that, especially over something like this?” I couldn’t stand the sound of his angry voice, even if he had ditched me at the party.
“N-no, Edward- I- let me explain, please!” I paused to collect my fleeting breathe, “ Please, just let me explain.”
He crossed his arms over his chest, “I’m waiting.”
“Edward, I,” I held up my hand to show the cut that he had been staring at for last several days. I could barely get any words out. “This was an accident, I swear, I was reaching into a drawer and a pair of scissors cut it . . . And the razor blade, I, well I wasn’t going to use it.” I gasped for air, where had my breath gone? “I was, I don’t know what I was doing, but I wasn’t going to cut myself, y- you have to believe me.” My voice was hardly above a whisper as I tried to explain myself. My heart beat a million miles a second as I waited for him to reply.
He didn’t reply. He simply just walked away, tossing the blade into the school’s garden before climbing into his Volvo and speeding away.
At first, only one tear fell, but a cascade of them quickly followed, sliding down my skin, creating black trails of ruined mascara and eye liner.
I put the car in reverse and drove home.
Later that night Charlie came up to my door and began speaking with a purpose. “Bella, I’m not going to deal with you being like this anymore!” He yelled from the other side of my bedroom door.
I didn’t answer him until he prompted me to.
I opened the door without saying a word.
“Come down and eat with me?” He asked, but I was already passed him and on my way down the stairs. He didn’t know what to say, and I wasn’t offering suggestions.
We ate in silence.
My alarm clock went off loudly to the chorus of “The One That Got Away” by Katy Perry. I growled at it and nearly threw it across the room. After a shower and the rest of the morning rituals I was ready to leave. I got into my truck and drove off to another pointless say of school.
When I got there Edward was leaning on his car, wearing his old cheesy grin from ear to ear. He was surrounded by his new group of friends.
He watched my pull in and continued to stare as I got out of the car, not one of his friends seemed to notice. I wondered what would happen if I waved to him. Would he come over, pretend like he didn’t see, or ignore it? I decided not to chance it.
In photography we were supposed to pick an outdoor subject. We all piled outside and picked something to snap a photo of. I picked a small rose bush in the corner of the garden. Everyone else had gone to trees, bushes, or even the walls of the school. There were a few people who ventured to the front of the garden, but I was the only one who went to the back.
I took a few photos and then looked at the rest of the class through the lens of my camera. It was a small class, maybe fifteen kids. Edward came into my view but he was partially behind a tree. All I could see of him was his shirt and the back of his head. He was looking up into the tree, taking photos of the leaves from below.
I heard thunder crack loudly above us. The sun hadn’t been out in days, it seemed to mimic my mood.
Edward turned his head and saw me watching him. I quickly looked away, finding a tiny, lonely little rose bud hidden under the brush. Poor thing, it definitely wouldn’t get any sunlight down there.
I felt pity for it.
SO sorry I didn' t post last weekend guys! D= I got busy and never had a chance to edit it! =(
Anyway, I hope you like the chapter and the new banner. =)
Please don't forget to leave me your opinions and predictions!
loved this post more soon
Thanks! I will!
soooooo goood , write more soon !
Are you going to continue with this? I hope so!
XD I have to come to really hate the old version, I hate that I was ever that bad with writing, I really had no idea what I was doing when I first began to write this. :3
I'm glad you liked it! I will! =)
Its just awesome i'm just loving it more & whats with Edward why is he acting like this??
please update soon this time........
plz post more sooon this is getting scary i love it poor bella