Today is the day that Edward and I have out lunch together. Today is the day that Edward comes forward with all of the details. I don't know what to wear. I don't know why I am being like this. Edward was the one that screwed up but I did over react a little, no not a little A lot. I should of gave him a chance. Today would be the day I give that chance. I want him in Renesmee life. She needs her father. She doesn't like to see me upset every night when we are home a lone. She wants me to be happy. What she doesn't understand is that it's not like fairy tales, it's more complicated. I have to give it a try to make it important to have her father in her life a lot more. She needs him. I actually might....I might need him as well. I am not the same anymore. I feel empty. I feel like all my insides are ripped out of me. For now on I have to keep positive. Keeping my mind positive would keep me from feeling that gaping hole inside my chest.
I am all ready to go to our little lunch. I just dropped Renesmee off at Alice studio. She is over there re designing for a new client. Alice started to do designing on the side including still having her clothes shop. Renesmee was very excited to be with Alice because she told me Alice is very interesting to her. She likes everything she does. I thought bringing her to Alice was the best idea ever. I leave Alice place and head downtown to the place Edward wanted to meet up at. I finally got there in ten minutes flat. There wasn't any traffic.
I pull up in front of the restaurant. I see Edward at the table by the window. He looks very nervous. Why would he be so nervous. I hope what he is telling me won't ruin everything. I have to remember though, I have to keep everything positive. I have to listen. I can't be how I was to him. It really hurt him and it hurt me as well. I get out my car and head in the restaurant. When I opened the door it made a beep beep noise. I walk in and Edward turns around sees me and smiles but nervously. I walk over to the table he was at. He stood up and pulled my chair out for me and push it in for me to sit.
"Thank you." I say to him
"I am so glad you came." he says nervously.
"What's the matter Edward?" I ask him
"I thought you would never showed." he says looking down at the table.
"Edward. I would never ditch you. I would never do that." I said to him. I was a little disappointed.
"ok." he says. "I just don't want us to have this tension no more between us. I want us to fix everything."
"That is why I am here. I am here to listen to your story." I say to him looking dead into his eyes.
"I want to thank you for coming. I really this works and works our for our daughter. I really want us to be a family again." He says. I could see the sadness in his eyes. He isn't happy at all. I could really tell he wants us to be a family again. I can't just jump into it right now. I have to hear what he says about everything that has been going on.
"I know Edward. I do too. I want you back in my life. I just need to hear what you have to tell me." I say to him a little nervous.
"Ok. Don't be nervous Bella. I will be honest with you. I am going to make this short and harmless. Ok?" He ask
I just nod for him to start.
"You know that Tania and I had history, right?" he ask
"Well we did date for a long long time. In those years of dating, Tania got pregnant." I gave him that look.
"Really?" I ask
"Yeah. She was so excited. It was a great thing in my life. I think that was a turning point for our relationship." He says looking down at the table.
"Don't feel nervous Edward. I am not here to put you down. I want to know everything. That is why I came here." I say to him to make sure he knows i am really being honest with him as well.
"Ok. So That was a turning point. We didn't tell anybody. I didn't even tell my family." I gave a shocked look. "Yeah I didn't tell them. That was the first thing that I have kept from them ever. I was so disappointed in myself that I couldn't tell them. It sucked." He stops and takes a breathe.
"I don't want you to think of me to be a selfish pig. I just didn't know what to do." He says.
"Edward, It's ok. I think that is one of the hardest things to really keep from anyone. I think that would of been my hardest things to keep from anyone too. I think you handled it really well." I say to him with a smile.
"Thanks. It didn't end that well though. Tania lost the baby when she was two months into the pregnancy. She could believe it. Tania blamed me for the lost of the baby but I didn't do anything for her to lose it. I have caught her nights drinking when she was suppose to. She didn't care. She didn't realize that she was killing something special. That is one of the reasons why I didn't tell my family. I made it like it didn't ever happen." He stops and just stares at the table. I couldn't bare to watch him get so upset like that.
"Edward?" I was getting scared. I moved my chair right next to him. "Edward are you ok?" He didn't say a word. I put my hand into his to make sure he wasn't dead or whatever. He wasn't, he was in shock.
"Edward!" I shout
"Huh? Oh my. I am sorry Bella. I was flashing back to that day. I just can' t believe it." he says.
"It's ok Edward. I just can't believe you went through that. I am sorry." I say look right into his eys.
"Thank you but you are not going to like what is going to be said next." He says very serious.
"Ok. I will make sure I brace myself." I let go of his hands.
"don't let go. I will want your 100% attention. Please don't over react." He says
"Oh Okay. Promise." Can't be mad at him. He's doing great with telling me everything.
"I am going to fast forward on when I met you. I wasn't seeing anyone. Tania was still calling me but i was trying to avoid her. It is hard to ignore someone you were with for so so long. I cherished every moment we had together. It was great, no it was more than great. I loved every moment with you. I was so blessed to have Renesmee come into our lives she changed everything in my world. I still think that. Then when Tania found out you were pregnant she began to call me a lot more. She wouldn't stop. Then when I would answer she would cry and I would feel bad to just leave her like that. I would be the nice guy and give some words of advice. I did tell her I loved you and all. Then two weeks of her calling turned into months of her calling me and we were always meeting each other when I would get out of work. Yeah i know you are mad at me right now for what I am saying but I have to be honest with you. It did lead to all of those encounters. We would meet, everything we would talk about brought back those memories. Everything we talked about just made me want to come back to what we had together over those years. Tania then brought up the miscarriage situation and it really made me think." He paused and stared at me.
"Continue. I think I know what you are going to say next. Just hit me with the worst of it." I say a little ticked off a little.
"Ok. Well the nights we had met up they began to get more passionate. We would kiss here, hug there. We would cuddle. Grab a bite to eat. We would do all the things a couple would do. Then one of the nights we got had an encounter. We were in shock after. Then shock turned into satisfaction, then into passionate love. Those nights I would come home aggravated and angry, those were the nights that we had the encounters. When I would come home, I wasn't so disgusted on what I did, I couldn't even bare to look at you. I just felt so guilty. I just can't even go back to that right now." He looked so upset.
His fist was tight that you could see his knuckles turn to white. I went to grab his hand to calm him down. It helped a little.
"Edward. It is ok. I am here for you. We both are screw ups. Continue" I say to him
"No Bella. I am the screw up. You are so perfect for me. I just didn't know what to do." he says
"It's ok." I rub his hands. "tell me."
"Ok. the day you came by the office building to my floor. Tania was there. She came over to have our little fling. That night I didn't want to do that. I didn't know what to do how to break it to her. That night I tried to keep it casual. Nothing sexual. Tania was throwing herself on me. I would tell her to stop, I wasn't in the mood to do anything that night. I was so helpless that night. Then the few moments before walked in, she jumped all over me. Giggling and being all touchy. I couldn't let her be on top of me like that. i wanted to break everything off that night. That's when I got on top of her. She came of no where and kissed me. That's when you walked in and seen us both. I was trying to end it and tell you everything. The way you looked at me was so sickening. I couldn't believe how much hate you had for me. I was so upset with myself. The way I was talking to Tania wasn't an act. I really wanted her to shut up. She had no business talking to you. Then how she acted and was talking to you like that, I couldn't say anything. I was in shock. I can't believe i was doing all this stuff to you. I fell like a big A-hole. I just wanted to tell you that for the few months that you were gone, I really tortured myself. I waited until you wanted to come in contact in my life some way some how. Even if it was only for Renesmee sake. Just seeing you makes my life much better every second, minute, hour. I am truly sorry Bella. I really mean it. I hope you forgive me." He says with a huge sigh of relief.
"Wow. That was a lot to really take in." I say to him
"I know. I am" I cut him off
"Don't say it. I know your sorry." I look at him and move closer to him. We are inches apart.
"I know." He says. I move in closer. We could just kiss right now.
"Edward Cullen. I forgive you for everything that has happen. I can't bare to be without you any more." I say with the biggest smile ever.
"Really!?" Edward says with excitement.
"Bella you are really doing the right thing right now. I promise you. I have so much I want to do with you and Renesmee." He says.
"I believe you. Can I just do one thing that I have been wanting to do for the few months that I couldn't do."
I didn't even let him answer. I just kissed him right away. I couldn't stop. I felt the electricity again going through my body. I could tell t hat Edward did not want to stop. I sure did not want to stop. We got even closer. He pulled my body closer to his body. I wanted to just jump all over him. The kissing we were doing was the best thing to ever happen right now. I need this. While we were having our moment. I feel someone tapping me on the shoulder. I look over. It was the waiter. Oh boy. I feel really embarrassed.
"Oh. I am so sorry. I umm.." I couldn't really say a sentence.
"Mr. Cullen some of the customers are getting uncomfortable." he says
"I am so sorry. Chris. We will just take our check for our drinks we have, and we will be on our way." Edward says.
"You know him?" i ask
"Yeah, he is my same waiter I get every time I come here." he says with a grin.
"Oh ok. That's nice. He seems nice." I say
"He is." He smiles. "Well then, that means you are not mad at me?" He ask
"No EDward. I am not mad at you. I forgive you." I say to him
"Thank you Bella. You will not regret this." He says with so much meaning to his words.
"I believe you Edward. I do. I think there is one thing we have to do to make this a little official." I say
"What would that be?" HE ask with his crooked smile.
"Uh...Well I think we should break the news to our daughter. She would be so excited." I say with a smile.
"Yeah tthat would be awesome Bella." he says with all cheer "Let's go here and do that."
Chris finally brings the check and Edward pays and we head out to Alice studio. I go inside and get Renesmee and take her to my car.
"Mommy, is that daddy?" she ask
"yes. we have some news for you." i tell her when I strap her in.
"What is it!?" Renesmee ask
"Well you know how mommy and daddy were not staying together.?" I ask
"Well, daddy and I have been talking and daddy is going to be staying at our place for now on." i say to her with a smile.
"REALLY!!!" she yells
"Yes honey." I say to her with a happy smile.
"I am soo happy mommy." Renesmee says
"Me too honey. Me too." I say and looked at Edward and took his hand.
"You guys ready to go home?" I ask them
"YEAH." they both said at the same time
"Ok. here we go." I say and we headed home. i think everything is going to go well. I think I have a feeling it would be.