Hi my name is Renesmee Cullen daughter of Edward and Bella Cullen. My best friend is Jacob Black he's a werewolf and a family friend. I'm 16 he is 16. I know what you're thinking, turns out werewolves stop aging after 16. So Jake is the same age as me. Surprisingly he is no longer interested in my mom.My mom almost died when she had me luckily my dad changed her.
My name is Jacob and I secretly have a crush on Renesmee. Bella knows, but won't tell Edward. I am glad he doesn't know.The reason why is that Edward would kill me.
"Hi Renesmee, how are you doing?" "Fine you?"says Renesmee. " Good"says Jacob. " How is Edward". " There's a question you don't hear everyday". Renesmee smiles. She has a beautiful smile. "Earth to Jacob, come in Jacob". " Oh sorry". " You better be". She hits him playfully. He grabs her and kisses her on the lips. " Jacob you kissed me". " Yes, am i supposed to be sorry". " No I liked it". "We can't tell your dad he'll kill me literaly". " I won't, I'll tell my mom though"."says Renesmee. Okay"says Jacob
"Mom!" Renesmee yelled, "She's not here". says Edward "OK when will she get back?" asked Renesmee "In a couple minutes why?". Edward raised and eyebrow as he asked. " No reason just need to talk to her about girl stuff". Renesmee giggled "okay". Edward said and went back to doing whatever he was doing. a couple of minutes later Bella walks in. "Renesmee I home!" Bella called. "Hi Mom come in my room now!" Renesmee yelled back at her. "Okay". Bella answered her as she walked in her room." He kissed me" Renesmee had told her mom."Who?" Bella asked, her eyebrow raised "Jacob!" Renesmee said then buried her face into her pillow. "Oh my god!" Bella said as her eyes widen. "Don't tell dad please" Renesmee took her face out of her pillow as she asked. " I won't." Bella responded and smiled evilly.
"Edward,honey Renesmee kissed him"."Who"."Jacob"." I'm gonna kill him literally"."No,your not suppose to know"."Too bad"."Renesmee get down here NOW"!"Wow who peed in your cherrios "." No attitude needed"."What did I do"."You kissed Jacob"."So"."You know I don't like him"."Mom I hate you,you weren't suppose to tell him,I'm leaving". Renesmee leaves and goes to Jacob's house."She told my dad,I hate her"."Is that why you left"?"Yes, could I stay here for a couple day,weeks, maybe months so I could calm down"says Renesmee." Sure"."says Jacob."Dad." says Jacob."what"says Billy"Can Nessie stay here for awhile"says Jacob."sure".
1 week later,"Nessie your are grounded"says Edward and Bella."Whatever". Says Renesmee"Oh and one thing you cant see, is Jacob"says Edward."Whatever",says Renesmee" Just because you can't stand him doesn't mean nothing to me because im engaged to him and im moving out." no your not,"says Edward. Just then Jacob walks in. " Yes she is, here is your clothes come on Nessie,". says Jacob. Edward grabs Renesmee, but Renesmee jerks away." yes i am and you cant stop me.", says Nessie.
" Morning Billy."says Renesmee ,"Morning." says Billy.Jacob walks down the stairs, Renesmee kisses Jacob."Morning Babe."says Jacob." I'm going to go hunting."says Renesmee. " Let me go with you."says Jacob." Okay." while hunting they run into Emmett." Hi Uncle Emmett.".sup why are you with the dog?"says Emmett."She's dating me." says Jacob." Does your dad know."says Emmett."yes and I ran away."says Renesmee. " k just wondering."says Emmett."Well know you know come on Nessie."says Jacob. "listen here dog she can go whenever she feels like."says Emmett. "Uncle Emmett I should go bye,"says Renesmee.
" You saw her didn't you" says Cauis. "yes I did" says Aro. "should we kill her"says Marcus. " Not yet we should study her more" says Aro. "What why not she is an immortal child it is forbiden". says Cauis. "We need more time to decide" says Marcus.
"Jacob do you want to marry Renesmee" says the pastor. " I do"says Jacob. " Renesmee." " I do" "I now pronounce you husband and wife you may now kiss the bride" Jacob kisses Renesmee.
"What did you see Alice" says Edward. " The Volturi are deciding wither or not to kill Renesmee."says Alice
" have you decided yet Marcus" says Cauis. " Yes we are gonna kill her".
My second in progress story
Tell me how you like it so far
not trying to be mean, just constructive criticism, you've been warned...
your chapters are really short and the dialogue shouldn't drive your story, they should just be sprinkled throughout your details on the thoughts of the first person, also make it more clear who is talking. your story is moving really fast, try to expand out your ideas and feel them through the characters, if your chapters keep moving at this pace you'll run out of ideas very quickly. don't get me wrong though, this sounds like it could be a really good story, and i just want to try to give you some advise on how to make it better. Good Luck on your new story!! :)
Not done with chapter six dont criticis me about chapter six being short
Hey I hope you make some more chapters and soon. These are really good.
i'm half way done