Eclipse written from Jacob's pov. Obviously this is the sequel to Jacob's NM. This will be Eclipse as SM wrote it, I will not be changing the ending. For an alternate ending to Eclipse, check out my story Bella's Sun. - http://thetwilightsaga.com/group/officialteamjacob/forum/topics/bel...
(This story starts off the same as Bella's Sun, that story will detour in chapter 3)
Chapter 1 - WAR
Again! Sam yelled, as I picked myself up from the ground shaking dirt and gravel from my fur. Paul crouched down and we circled and evaded one another, each of us reading the mind of the other. Our pack mates watched closely and their own thoughts mixed in as well intensifying the challenge. We all have been practicing for days trying to sharpen our reflexes, and allowing our wolf to react rather than think and decide. When successful our wolf would move almost completely without thought and catch the other one by surprise, it was fantastic. Sam was careful not to let any of us get too seriously injured, but lets just say it is a good thing we heal fast.
When I returned from Bella's with the knowledge that she wanted the Cullens to make her one of them it became clear that the treaty was going to be broken. We had no idea how much time we would have, but we wanted to be ready.
Our greatest obstacles were Edward's ability to read our minds and Alice's ability to know the future. Her knowing what we were going to do the moment we decided was scary and our only option was to be faster than ever before. There would be no time to hesitate or second guess, no time to think. Jasper's ability to control our emotions was equally scary, and I sure hoped that Sam had some idea of how to counteract that because I could think of nothing. We knew that the Cullen coven would be a united front and we would have to be ready.
Fight training turned out to be a perfect way to vent our pent up anxiety and frustration. None of us took the treaty being broken lightly, and would not hesitate to declare war. However for me it was so much more than a treaty that was being violated, it was Bella who was putting herself on the alter as a human sacrifice. How could she not value her life more than that? Does she not see how important she is?
Suddenly I felt Paul's hard head directly into to my chest and I was on my back and his teeth instantly went around my throat making it where I couldn't breathe. Paul stand down. Sam ordered, and Paul's hold immediately released and oxygen refilled my lungs. Great job Paul,Sam acknowledged. Jacob distractions like that are going to get you killed.
Once again I picked myself off the ground and was angry and embarrassed. I hated that Bella still had that affect on me. I couldn't help but think about her, she called all the time and just wouldn't take the hint that we were over. There was never a we to begin without, outside of being her “best friend” and I knew that the love I had for her could not be stuffed back inside the ''friendship box”, we had gotten too close for that. That ship had sailed, and along with it my hopes and dreams of a life with Bella.
Pulling myself together I sat to the side and watched the next set sparring with one another, sometimes it was one on one and other times we had two on one. Some days were spent more on the mental training of combat and others were more physical endurance. Fighting against a large coven was mostly likely not going to be over very quickly and we so we ran for hours and hours. Most of the time we could make a game similar to tag, where one or two wolves would be “it” and would try and hit the others to work on dodging and running. After a couple more hours Sam declared training over and we all went home hungry and tired.
Quil had joined the pack about one week after the Cullens returned. He was so freaking excited to be in on the secret, and have his friends back, he didn't care about anything else. He stayed a wolf for just over a week, not in any hurry to get back to his human life and his girlfriend got frustrated not knowing where he was and broke up with him. They had only been dating about a month, so Quil took the break up well and really so did she. I must admit it is fantastic to have Quil with us and to not have to keep it from him anymore.
The pack feels complete and there is a sense of unity among us all, a brotherhood. Well maybe not all, Leah is still as difficult as ever and never fails to remind us of how she feels like an 'outsider' among 'outsiders'. We have all learned to pretty much take her moaning and complaining as just part of her charming personality.
In no time I made it home, landing on two feet, slipped on my shorts and walked inside. It was dark inside with only a handwritten note indicating that dad had gone fishing with Charlie. I cringed at the idea of what those two gossips would plan and scheme while having the whole day together. As much as I loved my dad, he really needed to get a life so he could stay out of mine. I suppose I could try and just pretend like I wasn't dying a little more each day that I ignored Bella, and then he wouldn't worry so much, but I wasn't really good about hiding my feelings. I always seemed to lay things out straight, just how it was. You couldn't sugar coat crap, and that is just how things are right now.
I walked over to the freezer and smiled when I saw three boxes of pizza staring back at me. I got them all out and turned on the oven while I sat them on the counter. I opened one box took the plastic wrap and cardboard off and placed it in the oven. It would need to cook for 20 minutes so I decided to jump in the shower and get cleaned up. The water felt great relaxing my tired muscles and I washed my hair and realized I would need to cut it again soon. I probably should have weeks ago, but I just didn't have the energy to care.
I got out of the shower, dried myself off, and walked to my room for some sweat pants. As I entered the kitchen I could smell the pizza and my mouth began to water. I removed the hot pizza from the oven and got the second pizza out of the box placing it in the oven to cook. I ate the first pizza while the 2nd cooked, and when it was ready did the same with the third. Once I was finished eating I sat down in front of the TV for some mindless relaxation.
It didn't take long before I heard my dad rolling in the front door.
“Hey Dad, there is some pizza on the counter if you are hungry.” I said from the couch.
“Okay, thanks.” Billy replied as he rolled over to me and dropped a folded square piece of paper that said 'Jacob' across the front into my lap.
“What is this?” I asked picking it up. He completely ignored me as he rolled back into the kitchen, I assumed for pizza. I opened the paper and my eyes about jumped out of their sockets as I read.
Please Jacob, talk to me!! I didn't read any further as the paper dropped from my hands and floated like a feather to the floor, as I bolted from the couch and stormed into the kitchen.
“What the hell was that!?!” I yelled.
“Jacob she's trying. Give her a chance to fix things.” Billy took two slices of pizza and set them on his plate and rolled in front of the kitchen table.
“What on earth for? Do you want me to just pretend that she isn't suicidal? Or has she given Edward up?” I asked sarcastically while pacing back and forth in our small kitchen.
“No. She hasn't. But she cares about you, maybe you could get her to change her mind.”
“Like that'll ever happen.”
“Well maybe it would if you would stop sulking, put on your big boy pants and read that damn note. You might just learn something.”
I stopped dead in my tracks in the middle of the kitchen, “Did you read it?” I was so shocked I didn't know what more to say.
“No, good grief Jacob. Neither Charlie nor I have read it. But the fact that she sent it in the first place is all I needed to know.”
I pulled my chair out and slumped into it, “I can't believe this.” I said shaking my head.
“Come on Jacob, she needs you and I know you need her too.”
“But that's the problem Dad, I need her far more than she needs me. I can't go back to being the friend she wants me to be, too much has happened.”
“Wouldn't her friendship be better than nothing at all?”
“I don't know. What would be the point?”
“And I think she needs you even more than you need her, she just doesn't realize it.”
“I know.” I looked up and I could see the note shouting at me from the living room floor. “I can't deal with this right now, I'm going for a walk.” I said as I stood from the table.
“Okay. Hey there is a bucket of fish outside, would you mind bringing them in.”
“Sure, sure.” I said as I got up and walked outside grabbed the bucket and brought inside next to the kitchen sink. “I'll be back before too late.”
As I stepped outside I could see the sun start to descend and I knew it would be slipping away into darkness soon. I walked over to the beach and listened to the waves come and lick my feet before receding back into the ocean. My mind was a mess, I didn't know what to do about Bella. Why was a friendship with me so important to her if she wasn't planning on giving up Edward and her desire to be one of them? I did the best I could to avoid thinking about that last part, how her skin would ice over, her beautiful heart would no longer beat, and her chocolate brown eyes would be lost forever.
A silent tear slipped out of the corner of my eye and my heart ached at the possibility of Bella being my enemy. The instinct to attack and kill would spread through my body regardless of the face that stood before me. I felt helpless as I sat down in the rough sand, laying flat on my back as I watched the sun continue to slip away. I felt someone come and sit beside me, but I didn't bother to turn my head to see who it was, instead I just watched as the sky filled with blazing oranges and pinks until slowly the colors slipped away into black.
I felt a hand, small and cold, settle itself into my own. For a second I didn't move, had Bella driven out here? I had never known Bella to be this silent, and I'm sure she would have had plenty to say if she were here. Also I knew Bella's scent by heart and this was very different. I could smell sweat mixed with a sweet apple smell, like a lotion or perfume. I lightly moved my hand and could feel the delicate fingers and my thumb rubbed the soft skin at the wrist, it felt so different that I had no idea who's hand it could be. Slowly out of curiosity I turned my head and saw the dark russet skin and hazel eyes that I knew to belong to Jackie.
I laid my head back down and relaxed my hand, which she didn't let go of, and looked out across the night sky. “What are you doing?” I asked.
“You just looked so lonely.”
“Did it ever occur to you that I wanted to be alone?”
“Yes.” She took a deep breathe. “Something has happened to you Jake, and it scares me sometimes.” Her voice trembled some and I looked at her arms covered in goosebumps. She had a tight sleeveless shirt, matching pink and brown pants, and running shoes, I guess she had been running along the beach when she found me.
I brought my hands to my side, making her drop mine, and pushed myself to a sitting position brought her to my side. “Where's your jacket?” I could feel her cold arm against my hot skin and brought my hand around to her other arm.
“In my car, I get really hot when I run so I don't usually need it. I didn't exactly plan on being out so late.”
“Oh.” It was painfully obvious that I was the reason that she was still here and I didn't really know what I thought of that. Jackie was a nice girl when she wasn't spreading rumors about our romance, a romance that was about as real as the Easter Bunny. She had kissed me once in the school parking lot, I didn't kiss her back so it didn't really count as a real kiss, however no matter what I said no one believed me that nothing was going on. I knew it was bad when even Quil and Embry thought I was holding out on them and keeping it a secret from them. Truth be told there was nothing to tell, other than today the only times I saw Jackie was at school and these days the pack pretty much stayed to ourselves.
I heard Jackie take a deep sigh and felt her body relax so that her head rested on my chest. “You're really hot Jake.”
I couldn't help but chuckle. “Thanks.”
She lifted her head and smacked me in the chest with her hand. “Not like that, you dork. Well maybe that is true too.” She ducked her head embarrassed. “But that wasn't what I meant.”
“Sure, sure. It's no big deal.”
“Why are you so hot? You're not sick are you?” She asked as she reached her hand out to probably touch my forehead.
I leaned out of the way. “No I'm not sick. The heat is just genetic, just part of who I am.”
“Your dad's not this hot.”
“Glad you think so.”
She just rolled her eyes. “Ha, ha. Okay, I admit I walked right into that one.”
“The heat skipped his generation, and my mom's family had this issue as well.” We were both silent for a moment, and I hoped that explanation was good enough. “And speaking of my dad, I need to be heading home.”
We each got up and brushed the sand from our legs and back side. “Do you need me to walk with you to your car?” La Push was a pretty safe area, but I thought it would be rude to just leave her there.
“Sure, thanks.” She said with a smile.
Her car wasn't far and we walked in silence. I watched as she unlocked her door and I waved 'goodbye' as she climbed in.
What an unexpected evening this has turned out to be. When I got home I helped dad get to bed, neither of us speaking and I crawled into bed shortly after. The note was still on the living room floor exactly where it had landed and stayed there for two days, neither of us wanted to touch it. However the longer it stayed there the bigger it seemed to grow, soon it would fill up the whole living room.
Finally as I was eating breakfast before school, dad wheeled himself in to watch some TV as he straddled his chair over the note he had had enough. “Jacob pick up that note or I will. And if it is still there I'm reading it this time.”
I glared at him as I finished my last bite of cereal and placed the bowl in the sink. I went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, and then gathered my books placing them in my backpack for school. As I walked back in, I planned to simply walk right out the door until I saw my dad with the note open on his lap. “What the crap Dad?”
“Hey, I warned you fair and square. If you didn't want to know what she had to say, that is your problem, but I sure as hell did.”
“I can't believe you.” I walked over and yanked it from his lap and shoved it in my backpack and walked out the door making sure that it slammed loudly behind me. I knew he hated it when I slammed the door and I could hear him grumbling inside.
He totally deserved it noisy old man. I never dreamed he was serious with his threat, but I knew I should have. He never has handled secrets very well. I approached Quil and Embry who were both waiting for me at Embry's house, I hoped that they would be able to see my irritation and just let it go, but I guess nothing was going my way today.
“Hey Jake!” Embry called.
“Hey.” I answered sourly.
“Dude Jacob, what crawled inside your pants and died?” Quil snickered.
“Ohhhh.” They both said together.
“Are you still ignoring her calls?” Quil asked.
“What did she do this time?” Embry asked.
“She sent a freaking note from her dad, to mine, to me!”
Quil clutched his stomach and started laughing so hard he almost tripped. “Man, that is awesome.” Quil stammered once he could breathe again.
“You are seriously messed up.” I said shaking my head.
“So what did the note say?” Embry asked.
“You'll have to ask my dad, he's the one who read it.” This time is was Embry's turn to almost fall over laughing.
“Why haven't you read it?” Quil asked.
“If I wanted to know what she had to say I would answer the damn phone, not pretend I was in 2nd grade.” I gave a frustrated sigh.
These guys knew my frustration with Bella more than anyone. Despite my best intention I couldn't help but have her on my mind each and every time we patrolled and they probably wanted me to move on. Or at least settle things so that I could pretend to move on, having Bella tangling in the air wasn't good on anyone. However, I couldn't think of anything that she could possibly have to say to me.
We made it to class and as I pulled out my stuff from my backpack I saw the crumbled note buried deep inside, calling to me, begging to be heard. I know I was being stubborn and stupid, but I couldn't handle feeling the hope that she still cared about me or the pain of knowing it was really over. Finally by 3rd period I had had enough and I couldn't take it any longer, so when I pulled out my books and notepad I reluctantly pulled out Bella's note. I smoothed out the ruffled edges.
Please, Jacob talk to me! There has got to be something that I can do. I'm sorry, I know that it hurts you that I am friends with the Cullens, but they are part of my life too. You are my very best friend and I know that we can make this work. I miss you and I need to figure out a way to be your friend as well, if you would only just talk to me, please Jake, please.
After reading the note, I knew I should respond. There is just something so personal about hand written words that is so much harder to ignore. Maybe it was because it was such a physical reminder, as soon as the phone stops ringing than your window of conversation is over, but with a note that window never closes. I flipped to the next page of my notebook and started to write.
What were you thinking! I do not want to talk to you.
No that wasn't really what I wanted to say and I ripped the page from my notebook and it made a loud tearing sound and everyone stared at me, including my teacher who stopped and looked confused.
“I'm sorry. I won't do that again.” I stammered.
I don't know why you're making Charlie carry notes to Billy like we're in second grade – if I wanted to talk to you I would answer the . . . Well that wasn't really what I wanted to say either, but instead of ripping the page out, I just crossed it out, and tried again.
You made the choice here, okay? You can't have it both ways when . . . It is not like she could have us both she needed to understand that.
What part of 'mortal enemies' is too complicated for you to . . . I had been writing so hard that I broke the tip of my pen and ink leaked over the page.
Look, I know I'm being a jerk, but there's just no way around . . . Dammit it was no longer just the tip that broke as the pen shattered between my fingers. I grumbled to myself as I reached inside my backpack for another pen, making sure that I didn't hold it quite so tightly.
We can't be friends when you're spending all your time with a bunch of . . . Oops should probably stop there, she hates when I use the terms 'bloodsuckers' or 'leeches' to describe her 'friends'.
It just makes it worse when I think about you too much, so don't write anymore . . . Nothing I could think of was coming out the way I wanted it to.
Yeah, I miss you, too. A lot. Doesn't change anything. Sorry.
Angrily I put a dark black line through every word I had written, I was afraid that my arm would start shaking and give away the pain and anger that I felt. I got to the last line and I just couldn't mark it out, the truth of the words sprung from the page. So I simply added my name to the bottom and folded it. I was about to put both notes back in my backpack when the bell rang and Quil leaped from his desk grabbed Bella's note and sprinted out the door.
Quil was going to be one dead dog by the time I got to him as I sprung from my desk to follow him down the hall.
“Oh come on Jake, you know we all were going to know what it says anyways.” Embry tried to reason with. “This will just save you from having to think of it later.”
“That is so not the point Em.”
Embry and I caught up with Quil in the cafeteria with a huge tray of food looking completely innocent, like there was no reason for me to punch him in the nose. He was very wise to remain in a public place otherwise I certainly would have. The rest of the day was uneventful, Quil grew a conscious (black and blue in color) and gave me the note back before walking to my house.
We had an afternoon snack, that would probably be two full meals for a normal person, and then hung out in the garage. I was still in a pretty sour mood, but thankfully they chose to ignore me and just let me sulk. The best of friends knew when to push you on an issue and when to let it go, and these guys were the best.
At dinner Dad apologized for invading my privacy with the note and I easily accepted, but I could still feel the tension between us. Bella had become a thick cloud hanging over both our heads and I knew it would burst at any moment, I just wasn't sure what the damage would be once it started. As I got Dad ready for bed I placed my note back to Bella on his dresser.
“This is my response to Bella, you can read it if you want to, I don't care. I won't reply to another one so if another comes, read it, burn it, whatever, but don't give it to me. I'm done.”
I saw the sadness mixed with understanding in his eyes as I walked out the door. I just wish that my heart would be as “done” as my brain was. I hated the powerful affect that she still had over me, but I was going to simply take one day at a time and keep putting one foot in front of the other. I would make my dad proud and continue to serve the pack to the best of my ability.
- For starters there will not be near as many 'facts' for Eclipse because truthfully there aren't as many. SM has never written a summary for Eclipse, so this will be largely my interpretation. However I really liked having a place to explain where I got my ideas, and I do feel that my interpretation is surrounded by facts.
- The last comment that SM made in her summary of NM was that Jacob left to inform his brothers so that they could prepare for war with the Cullens.
- Jacob's concern about Alice seeing them make decisions, at this point they do not know that she cannot see the wolves. Jacob learns that later in Eclipse.
- Jackie's character is completely fictional. I really like the idea of Jacob having someone to talk to who doesn't know anything and can't be inside his head, so she will pop up from time to time. If Jacob has enough self control to be friends with Bella than he also has enough self control to be friends with someone who is not in the pack.
- Jacob's sense of humor with Jackie is based on BD, if Jacob was still able to be funny while Bella was dying (blond jokes with Rosalie, some banter with Leah) than I think he would have been able to be funny here as well.
- Also my chapter titles may not be the same as Eclipse titles, unless I feel that it lines up well for that particular chapter.
Awe, thank you. Normally I don't want to make people cry, but in this case YEAH!! :) I'm glad that you liked the songs for this chapter as well.
There will be one more chapter.
it is so sad that it has to end this way i wish she ended up with Jacob.
I know, it really is sad for Jacob. :(
If anyone wants my take on a Jacob/Bella relationship then check out Bella's Sun. :)
*cries* JACOOOOOOOOOOB!!!! :'(
His nightmare is becoming reality and there's NOTHING left he can do but make things easier for Bella at the cost of his own sanity. No more happiness... Though, I kind of expected Jacob to break down in uncontrollable tears at the end? Did he?
I know, poor Jacob. :(
Even to the end he was trying to make it better for Bella at his own expense.
His tears will be in the next chapter. I felt like to put everything in this chapter would have been too long (not to mention even more depressing than it already was) and I felt like this chapter was about Jacob and Bella and the end of them. The next chapter will be about Jacob and how he deals with it. :(
Thank you. Is it bad that it makes me happy that it made you cry?
I completely understand, I cried when writing it, so I guess we are even.
Chapter 20 – LEAVING
I could barely breath as I was finally able to release the pent up heart break. I had tried to be strong and held back so that no one would see the real pain I was in. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I clutched the quilt and brought it up to my eyes to wipe away the moisture. I didn't have anywhere I could go, I was trapped, damn leeches for taking the option of phasing away from me. My chest heaved as the sobs broke out, I heard my door open and for a moment thought maybe Bella had come back. I opened my blurry eyes to see Dad rolling across the hard floor.
“I'm so sorry, Son.”
“Just leave me alone,” I growled, as I lifted my eyes to the ceiling, I didn't want to see his pity.
“Jacob, you are not alone. You have me and you have your brothers.”
“Tell me this Dad, is Bella out there?” I said angrily, frustrated that he thought having other people around would be comforting.
“You know the answer to that.”
“Then get the hell out.”
He shook his head angrily, probably biting his tongue but I didn't look at him to see, as he rolled himself out.
How was it possible for a shattered heart to hurt so badly? I cried until I didn't think I could cry any more, and magically cried some more. My body shook and I knew that the pain of my broken bones should have returned by now, and that the morphine had burned off hours ago. And while it did hurt, the pain was just a shallow echo compared to the pain in my chest.
I tried to imagine my life without Bella in it and I just couldn't picture it. From when I was a kid I remembered looking at her and dreaming about the possibility of her and me. Even then, we would just sit together in a comfortable silence while she waited until she could go back to her own home. When Charlie said that she was coming here to live, something inside grew and I was so excited. I was hooked completely when we walked together on the beach, and since then I have loved her more and more every day. She has touched my life and it has never been the same, and I knew it never would be. Bella has become a permanent fixture and I didn't see how I was ever going to be put back together again.
I wondered what Bella was doing. Was she relieved that she wasn't having to deal with me anymore? Would we ever see each other again? I assumed that her understanding that she loved me would lead to something greater, instead it was just pain. Did Bella feel the same pain? I doubted it, even after being aware of her love for me there was no way for her to completely understand my level of love for her. I don't think even I understood it, until I saw it being ripped away.
My sobs had settled into just quiet moans and my eyes were so swollen and red that I did not think it was possible for more tears to slide down my cheeks. My body became weak and tired, and slowly I was able to relax into sleep. While I slept my bones continued to heal and the pain settled into a mild ache only when I actually moved my arm or leg.
I woke up feeling stiff and sore, and lightly moaned when I tried to stretch. The pain was a brutal reminder of the terrible day I had. I felt someone brush some of my hair out of my face and their fingers trailed down my arm until they clasped their fingers around mine. The hand was much too small to be my dad's and it was soft and smooth.
“Bella?” I questioned softly.
“No, but I would be if I could,” came Jackie's soft voice. If it weren't for my wolf hearing I might not have heard her.
“Hey,” I opened my eyes, the sun was bright through the window and I assumed that I had slept for most of the day. “What are you doing here?”
Her face was concerned, and I wondered how long she had been sitting in a chair next to my bed. “You aren't the only one who can be stubborn.” She smiled, and took a deep breath. “You don't do things half way do you?”
“What do you mean?”
“This.” She pointed along the right side of my body.
“I'll be fine, it looks worse than it really is.”
“And what about this.” She placed her hand over my heart. “Is it going to be fine?”
“I don't know. I doubt it.”
“I'm sorry.” She leaned her head against my shoulder and gently tried to hug me.
“I'm not that broken.”
“Alright tough guy.” She slipped off the chair and knelt on the floor as she rested her cheek against my chest and put one arm around my waist. I rested my hand on her back. As nice as it was for her to visit, it just felt wrong. I could feel her soft hair, but it wasn't her hair that I wanted to feel. I could feel her arm holding me, but it wasn't her arms that I wanted. I looked down at her and she looked back at me, why couldn't this feel right? Why does life have to be so damn complicated and messed up? I didn't know, but I did know that I was never going to be her Jacob. I couldn't let her continue to have hope in a dream, that was never going to come true.
“You need to go.” I whispered.
“Oh, you probably need help with something.” She sat up and started to stand. “I'll get out of the way and see you later.”
“No, I meant, you shouldn't come back.”
“What? I thought we were friends.”
I reached out and took her hand. “Really Jackie, is that all you want from me?”
“Jake, don't do this.” She sat back down in the chair, resting our hands in her lap.
“I have to, this isn't fair to you. Trust me, it sucks to wait around hoping for someone to wake up to what is right in front of them.”
“Please, Jake.” She looked back at me and her eyes were filled with tears as one broke free and slipped down her cheek.
“I'm sorry.” I said, as I lifted my hand to catch her tear. “Find the person who was meant for you before I break you beyond what can be repaired.”
“Easier said, than done.”
“Believe me, I know.”
Once again, she laid her head back down on my chest and I could feel her tears roll down my side, and I placed my hand on her back. We didn't say anymore for a while, and when her tears dried then she kissed my hand.
“Goodbye,” she whispered, and walked out the door.
I wish I could say that I had been left alone, but it just didn't seem possible. For the next three days I was stuck in the house with one of my brothers staying by my side. Like it really made me feel better having company when there was really just one person who I wanted to see, but I was too big of a chicken to call her. I know she said she would come back, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle it if she refused. And if she came, I wasn't strong enough to tell her goodbye again, it was just easier to make it where I wouldn't see her again.
My head was a terrible place to be and Sam had pity on the others and refused to let me patrol. The only brief moment of relief I have had is after Dr. Sparkles released me to phase and my wolf carried the pain. It was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I was able to fully breathe.
Hey Jake, welcome back! Embry called excited.
Thanks, man it feels great to be on four legs again. I never thought I would see the day I enjoyed being a wolf.
Took you long enough, Quil mumbled.
I laughed lightly and it was the first time I had laughed in days and the action felt strange, almost foreign.
Have I missed anything?
Nope, just Leah moaning about how much she wanted to take that leech, I still don't think she has forgiven you for 'saving' her.
Wow, I have never met someone more conceded.
After an army of leeches, the rest of the summer is going to be boring. Quil complained.
I cringed and immediately the pain returned. I knew that this summer was going to suck, just waiting for that miserable excuse of a wedding to get here.
Sorry, Jake. Embry said.
Truthfully guys, I'm going to be miserable to be with this summer. You should probably just leave me alone.
I phased out, and did whatever I could to be left alone. I stayed home for days until my dad kicked me out because I was annoying him to death. No matter what I tried I just couldn't get Bella off my mind, she had become part of everything that was important to me. Whenever I would phase I brought the pack with me to the hell hole that was my mind, so I avoided that as much as possible.
So I wondered the beach or hung out at the cliffs. The cliffs, a constant reminder of what might have been, I would see them and the pain would be almost more than I could handle. I would sit at the top hoping that I wouldn't be found, they all knew how much I wanted to be left alone. Why Leah couldn't get it through her thick skull, I had no idea. I swear she followed me today just to get an extra kick out of annoying the hell out of me.
Like she really had anything to complain about. Sure being stuck with Sam knowing her every thought would suck, but at least she knew that he was safe. At least she knew that he was happy and was with whom nature decided was best for him. At least she didn't have to deal with himchoosing someone else over her.
“Jump off a cliff, Leah.” I pointed to the one at my feet.
“Really, kid.” She ignored me, throwing herself into a sprawl on the ground next to me. “You have no idea how hard this is for me.”
“For you?” It took me a minute to believe she was serious. “You have to be the most self-absorbed person alive, Leah. I'd hate to shatter the dream world you live in – the one where the sun is orbiting the place where you stand – so I won't tell you how little I care what your problem is. Go. Away.”
I couldn't believe that she actually wanted me to listen to her. I didn't care if she felt like she was falling in love with Bella, or dreaming about her. Welcome to my world!
“Do I care?”
“I can't stand being in your head anymore! Get over her already! She's going to marry that thing. He's going to try to change her into one of them! Time to move on, boy.”
“Shut up,” I growled. It would be wrong to strike back. I knew that. I was biting my tongue. But she'd be sorry if she didn't walk away. Now.
“He'll probably just kill her anyways,” Leah said. Sneering. “All the stories say that happens more often than not. Maybe a funeral will be better closure than a wedding. Ha.”
This time I had to work. I closed my eyes and fought the hot taste in my mouth. I pushed and shoved against the slide of fire down my back, wrestling to keep my shape together while my body tried to shake apart.
When I was in control again, I glowered at her. She was watching my hands as the tremors slowed. Smiling.
“If you're upset about gender confusion, Leah . . .,” I said. Slow, emphasizing each word. “How do you think the rest of us like looking at Sam through your eyes? It's bad enough that Emily has to deal with your fixation. She doesn't need us guys panting after him, too.”
Pissed as I was, I still felt guilty when I watched the spasm of pain shoot across her face. She scrambled to her feet – pausing only to spit in my direction – and ran for the trees, vibrating like a tuning fork.
I laughed darkly. “You missed.”
Sam was going to give me hell for that, but it was worth it. Leah wouldn't bug me anymore. And I'd do it again if I had the chance.
Leah's words carved themselves into my brain and wouldn't let go. It wasn't just that Bella had picked someone other than me, but I hated with every fiber of my being that she was giving up her human life. There was a time when her becoming a vampire was equal or possibly even worse than her really dying, but now, if he killed her . . .
I had to fight the rage that boiled inside and cursed Leah for taking away the option to phase. As a beast I had instincts so much stronger than human emotions. I was an animal who couldn't feel pain in the same way.
My only hope was to put my faith in a bloodsucker. That he would have the restraint to keep her alive, instead of sucking her blood until she was cold. I had thought of what it would be like for her to be changed so many times, over and over again, that I didn't want to think about it again.
I didn't really want to go home, but I was hungry, and I couldn't think of another plan. I picked up the stupid sling and crutches and grumbled my way home.
Going hungry started to look better when I walked in the house and got a look at my dad's face. He had something on his mind. It was easy to tell – he always over did it. Acted all casual.
He also talked too much. He was rambling, and rambling, and rambling, as I choked down as much food as I could.
Billy was quiet for a second too long. “We got a letter today.”
I could tell that this was the subject he'd been avoiding. “A letter?”
“A . . . wedding invitation.”
Every muscle in my body locked in place. A feather of heat seemed to brush down my back. I held onto the table to keep my hands steady.
Billy went on like he hadn't noticed. “There's a note inside that's addressed to you. I didn't read it.” He pulled a thick ivory envelope from where it was wedged between his leg and the side of his wheelchair. He laid it on the table between us. “You probably don't need to read it. Doesn't really matter what it says.”
Stupid reverse psychology. I yanked the envelope off the table. It was some heavy, stiff paper. Expensive. Too fancy for Forks. The card inside was the same, too done-up and formal. Bella'd had nothing to do with this. There was no sign of her personal taste in the layers of see-through, petal-printed pages. I'd bet she didn't like it at all. I didn't read the words, not even to see the date. I didn't care.
There was a piece of the thick ivory paper folded in half with my name handwritten in black ink on the back. I didn't recognize the handwriting, but it was as fancy as the rest of it. For half a second, I wondered if the bloodsucker was into gloating.
I flipped it open.
I'm breaking the rules by sending you this. She was afraid of hurting you, and she didn't want to make you feel obligated in any way. But I know that, if things had gone the other way, I would have wanted the choice.
I promise I will take care of her, Jacob. Thank you – for her – for everything.
“Jake, we only have the one table,” Billy said. He was staring at my left hand.
My fingers were clamped down on the wood hard enough that it really was in danger. I loosened them one by one, concentrating on that action alone, and then clenched my hands together so I couldn't break anything.
“Yeah, doesn't matter anyway,” Billy muttered. I got up from the table, shrugging out of my t-shirt as I stood. Hopefully Leah had gone home by now. “Not too late,” Billy mumbled as I punched the front door out of my way.
I was running before I hit the trees, my clothes strewn out behind me like a trail of crumbs – as if I wanted to find my way back. It was almost too easy now to phase. I didn't have to think. My body already knew where I was going and, before I asked it to, it gave me what I wanted.
I had four legs now, and I was flying. The trees blurred into a sea of black flowing around me. My muscles bunched and released in an effortless rhythm. I could run like this for days and I would not be tired. Maybe, this time, I wouldn't stop.
But I wasn't alone.
So sorry, Embry whispered in my head. I could see through his eyes. He was far away, to the north, but he had wheeled around and was racing to join me. I growled and pushed myself faster.
Wait for us, Quil complained. He was closer, just starting out from the village.
Leave me alone, I snarled.
I could feel their worry in my head, try hard as I might to drown it in the sound of the wind and the forest. This was what I hated most – seeing myself through their eyes, worse now that their eyes were full of pity. They saw the hate, but they kept running after me.
A new voice sounded in my head. Let him go. Sam's thought was soft, but still an order.
Embry and Quil slowed to a walk. If only I could stop hearing, stop seeing what they saw. My head was so crowded, but the only way to be a lone again was to be human, and I couldn't stand the pain.
Phase back, Sam directed them, I'll pick you up, Embry.
First one, then another awareness faded into silence. Only Sam was left.
Thank you, I managed to think.
Come home when you can. The words were faint, trailing off into blank emptiness as he left, too. And I was alone.
So much better. Now I could hear the faint rustle of the matted leaves beneath my toenails, the whisper of an owl's wings above me, the ocean – far, far in the west – moaning against the beach. Hear this, and nothing more. Feel nothing but speed, nothing but the pull of muscle, sinew, and bone, working together in harmony as the miles disappeared behind me.
If the silence in my head lasted, I would never go back. I wouldn't be the first one to choose this form over the other. Maybe, if I ran far enough away, I would never have to hear again . . .
I pushed my legs faster, letting Jacob Black disappear behind me.
(please see final chapter above)
THANK YOU, THANK YOU
Thank you all so much for taking this journey with me. I can't imagine writing this for a better group of people. These last couple of chapters have not been easy, and I hate leaving Jacob in such a broken place. So that leads naturally into – What do I do next? Will I do Breaking Dawn?
- I'll answer Breaking Dawn first. I will not be doing Breaking Dawn in the same way that I have NM and Eclipse. The reason is, that I feel like Meyers pretty much does that herself. My goal has always been to tell Jacob's side of HER story. So the only part of BD left to tell is after he imprints for that final section of the story. I feel like that particular section is just really a mess, and I don't want to go down that journey. Also, I don't really feel like Jacob has a story to tell, so much stress and agony for a disaster that doesn't happen.
- So what to do next?
* I do not feel like this story can be salvaged into a Jacob/Bella story (unless Bella does some serious groveling for a Jacob/Bella story of mine, please see Bella's Sun)
* So that leads to two alternatives
1) A Post-Breaking Dawn story that would be a Jacob/Nessie story.
2) A new story where Breaking Dawn is pretty much ignored and Jacob finds love in another character. I feel a natural question to that would be – could that character be Jackie. Sure, why not. Haha.
I really haven't put much thought into either option, so I would love to have your opinion on what you would prefer.
Hmm....both ideas seem a little iffy. I know you don't want to leave this Jacob broken, but the options this far in are limited.
1. ......you know how I feel about Jacob and Nessie. You know I hate it...very much. But for you JJ...*sigh* I'd probably read it.
2. This seems like a much better option. However, considering just how much Jacob loved Bella, I'm not sure how Jacob could manage to NATURALLY love someone else more than he loved her. I could happen...maybe...but would the new girl feel like a second place to him?
Wow, PK the fact that you would read a Jacob/Nessie story says more than you can possibly imagine. Thank you.
I honestly have no idea what I want to do next in regards to THIS Jacob. However you all will know once I decide.