What if . Bella decided to reach over and kiss Jacob in her truck? Would that change how she feels about Jacob over all ? Knowing the feelings he has for her,knowing he could give her more. Knowing,she wouldn't have to change for him...
[Disclaimer]; not everybody posts the disclaimers in their fanfiction,but i'm going to. ;) Idon't own Twilight,or any of the characters in it. All belong to Stephenie Meyer- All though I wish I did.(;
A/N; I hope you enjoy ... :) & I'm starting at chapter 1 :)
Chapter 1; One Last Look.
My fingers were curled tightly around the steering wheel,as i stared out ahead of us. We were in front of Charlies-though his cruiser was missing. I bite the inside of my lip,my brows mashed together,listening to Jacob's breathing. He was staring out the window,as we sat in my old truck silently. Sometimes, I wish I knew what he was thinking,and then he let out a breath.
"What are you thinking,Bells?" he asks,breaking the awkward silence.
I loosen my grip on the steering wheel,and lean into the seat-sighing,"I,was ... Going to ask you the same thing." I tell him,glancing side-ways. He was still looking out the fogged window.
" You really want to know what i'm thinking about?" he questions,now turning to look at me.
His stare sent shivers through-out my body,and his question made me think about how to answer. Do I want to know what he's thinking about? The way he said it,makes me wonder if it's a bad thing- something I actually don't want to know. But,maybe I'm just over-thinking. I do want to know what he's thinking about,but,maybe when I do know-I'll regret asking what he was thinking about.
I'm over-thinking... I think.
I nod,"Tell me what you're thinking about Jake."
He smirks,his eyes slightly lidded."You." he whispers."Always..."
I sigh,and smile weakly."Jacob..."
He shakes his head,and takes my hands off the wheel-and into his hands,mine so small compared to his. I look down,not wanting to stare into his eyes-knowing it would be for the best. I think. Because,if I fall in love with Jake ... I'm just going to end up hurting him,when Edward comes back. Eward will come back,I know it... Jacob is my best friend,and i can't stand,loosing him.
"Bella,I love you. I've always loved you. And you know that,I know you know that." He sighs,"Bells,look at me. Please." I bit my lip,and shook my head.
"I can't." I whisper.
One hand disapeared from mine,and moved swiftly under my chin. Forcing me to look up at him,I tried to look away from his face,but mine landed on his. His gaze so intense,I couldn't look away. His hot breath was circulating around my face,the woodsy scent i always loved-intoxicating me. Wanting me to move closer to it. But I stayed where I was,our gazes interlocked.
I was waiting for him to say something,but he just remained speechless;his lips parted-as in lost in thought. I bit down on my lip hard,as the silence intensified. Just when realization hit me. My fingers slowly,crawling up his arms-as his hands hooked onto my waist-pulling me into his lap.
Jacob can never be just a friend to me. I've always seen noticed him,always known he was attractive to me in some way.But,Edward...
"I can't hurt you." I mumble,my lips brushing across his in the process. I never noticed how close we were until now.
"Do you love me?" he asks,his eyes closed-waiting for my answer.
I press my lips tightly together,curling my hands into fists-agaist his covered chest. "I..." i press my lips back together,taking a stead breath.
[for now... watching Salt :3]
Chapter 26 ; Jake's Garage .
Sometimes I felt as if nowhere else was safe,except here,in Jacob's garage. I know it's easy to acess, lock or not-but something about it made me feel more at home,than being home. I guess maybe,because Jake and I spent a lot of time in here for the past few months,and I just kind of grew onto it.
We were sitting down on the only couch in his garage,it was black leather,but it was pretty worn,but comfortable. Now that I look around,it seems as if he did a little cleaning. I look up at him,to find his eyes closed,but I know he's still awake.
I purse my lips,"You cleaned up in here pretty good." I tell him.
He chuckles,"With Emily and Leah's help,of course." He rolls his eyes,pointing to one of the corners,"As you can see,it has a little girly touch to it." He snorts.
There was a TV in the corner,not too big,but not too small,a small wooden coffee table with a vase and one single rose in it,and a pile of blankets,and a pillow. I raise my eyes at him,which he responds with another snort.
"They think our situation is like beauty and the beast. So there's the one rose,though I've already found love,and you love me,so... How am I the beast? But,that was Leah's idea. And the it's just there when i'm in wolf form,and want to sleep in here." He shrugs,"Nothing special. I was thinking of just bringing in a mattress in here,cause me and the guys like to camp out in here sometimes." He chuckles,"It's always a fun time." He looks down at me,then points to another corner,"See that drawing?"
I squint my eyes,and nod slowly,it's of a girl,or a woman. A beautiful woman at that,long dark hair,white beautiful smile,wearing a sun dress-is what it looks like."Who drew that?"
He smiles softly,"Me."
He gets up,walking me over to it,it was hanging over his desk-that was scattered with tools,and as we came up to it,he had a lot of other drawings-but just that one was framed. She's beautiful. I stare up at it,in complete awe. What else is Jake hiding from me? He can sing,draw... I can't do either of them,I mean the occasional sketches here and there. But as far as singing goes,not unless you want to go deaf.
"You're an,amazing,drawer,Jake." I bite down on my lip,"Who is she?" I couldn't help the sudden wash of jealousy that consumed me. He was drawing a picture of some other girl. Because,i know for a fact that this girl wasn't me.
He sighs,reaching up to take the fram down-so I could see it better."My mom."
"Oh." I found myself lost for words. He turned on one of the lamps,and placed the frame down on the desk,and I peered over to look at it,again.
I could see it now,the eyes,the teeth,the nose,even the lips. They had a lot of simularities. I could see Jacob in her,just she's more on the feminine side. Her hair was resting on one of her shoulders,flowing down to her waist-sitting on an old porch swing,her fingers in her hair-as is she were combing through it,her legs crossed,and a wide smile. Jacob's smile.
I could sense the sudden tears start to collect in the corners of my eyes. Jacobs finger traced the picture,the out line of her lips,the strokes of her hair,her fingers,her face. He plopped down in the chair,his head in his hands. I didn't even notice that staring at the pictue affected him,until now. But,of course it would.
I sat up on the desk,peeling his fingers from his face-to look at him. He wasn't crying,yet,but his eyes were red and dark circles under them,as he fought desperately to keep the tears back. My eye brows pushed together,and I jumped off,and wrapped my arms around him,burying my face in his shaggy hair.
"It's okay Jake." I whisper,running my hands down his back,then back up around his neck. "Don't hold it in." I murmer. I've shed so many tears in front of him,he shouldn't need to think that I won't hold him when he needs to.
He shakes his head,"I can't." his voice broke,and I winced-clutching closer to him."I need to be strong,for you. For us."
I push back to look at him,he looked down away from me. I crouched down, and tilt my head to the side to see his face. I bite hard down on my lip,running my hand up into his hair,then place my palm to his cheek-and he leans in slightly.
"You held me while I cried,and got me through the roughest patches of my life. It's my turn to do the same with you." I tell him.
He lifts me up off the floor and into his lap."I was in that car too,and she took her life away,to save me and my dad." He chokes out,"Now,my dad and I,feel guilt creep its way back into our lives,everytime November comes. Bella,she gave up her life. You can't imagine how much my dad wished it was him. Hell,you don't know how much I wish it was me . Every single day of November,I wish I could go back to that day,and..." He shakes his head,clenching his teeth together.
I carress his face with my fingers,shaking my head,"It was her choice... She wanted to save you both,because she loves you. She didn't give up her life,she sacraficed it. There's a difference. I know that,you feel guilty. But,you really shouldn't. Neither of you should. If she were here right now,or maybe she is..." I look down,"She wouldn't want you to be living in regret,and guilt. She'd want you to,live your life,and be happy. Not happy that she's gone,but happy because..." I bite down on my lip,I didn't really know what I was saying,but I continue," You get to live life,and she never really left you Jake."
I place my hand over his heart,and lean my head against the other side of his chest,"She's right here. And always will be."
His heart beat was slowly calming,and he didn't say anything for awhile,but then it started beating faster again,"You don't understand." He said quickly,"She was my mother,Bella. You have a mother. I lived without my mother for more than half of my life. You don't know how it feels,to have someone so close to you, die."
I look up at him,my lips parted,and I bit down hard on my lip."Just because my mom is alive,doesn't mean I don't understand. Do you know how many near deaths I've faced? How many my family's faced? No,they haven't died,but I was unlucky enough not to." I tell him,and corss my arms-my fingers closing into fists at my sides."I almost died,three times in the last two years. My mom has almost died... A million of times,Jake. My dad,he was around and in the house,when other vampires were there!" I yell at him,but then take in a deep breath-remembering that I'm supposed to be helping him."But,okay,no,I don't know what it feels like to have someone so close to me die. But,I know,that if my mom or my dad,or anybody in my family,were to die, they wouldn't want me to ,be so upset..."
He sighs,shaking his head,"Being upset,is different then being in guilt,or regret."
"So,you regret being with me , right now?" I ask him,the words flew out of my mouth before I could stop them,and they continued,"Because,if you go kill yourself out of regret and guilt for not being able to live,we wouldn't be here. You wouldn't've imprinted on me,we wouldn't've done the things that we have... And you were my bestfriend back then too Jacob,how do you think that would've affected me? It would be like a domino affect,I'd probably go run and jump off a cliff and make sure that there was concrete at the bottom. Then what would my dad do? My mom? The rest of my family? What would your dad do,or Harry,or Sue if you killed yourself!? You would be the cause of the human population going down."
He rolls his eyes,"You would not do that. If I killed myself,you wouldn't kill yourself."
I scoff,"You're right. Maybe I'll die with you. Have you ever thought of that? If you killed yourself sometime now,not right now-but in the future,what would happen to me? I'm your imprint. Would I die,when you die?"
His brows pulled together,"I never,thought of it that way..." He whispers.
I nod,"I know you didn't. I love you,and i want to help you get through this. As long as you promise me one thing,and answer it honestly."
He raises a brow,"I promise..."
"Do you take drugs? And if you do,you better stop.. Because that is not the way to go,and if I need to give you a speech on that,I promise,I will." I tell him, pointing my finger at him.
He rolls his eyes,leaning down to kiss my fingers,"I'm clean."
"Promise?" I ask him.
"I promise,Bella." He says, then reaches behind me,and places one of his sketch books between us,"I want to show you something." he whispers,flipping over the cover.
Another girl,but this one wasn't the same as the other one. This one,was also beautiful,but in more ways than just one. Her face,was flawless,her lips full but small, a small curve at the corner of her mouth to indicate that she was smiling. Her hair flowed down to her waist in long waves,her eyes closed-but her face content,small shadows beneath her eyes,but still- quite beautiful. Her head rested on someone's lap,her hands-small and delicate looking,were laced between the guys hands,that were wrapped around her form. Her legs were not covered,so I could see all the shading and time that Jake had used to sculpt them so perfectly,her knees bent,her toes pointed. She looks quite petite,a shirt that went down to her thighs,but she still looked nice.
I bite my lip,"Who is this one?" I ask him.
He rolls his eyes,"You."
I shake my head,and scoff,"That is not me. She's too ... Perfect."
"That's exactly what you are..." He murmers,"I spent forever on this picture,and thought it looked exactly like you. Because,when I look at this picture,I automatically see you..." He mutters,"It really doesn't look like you,to you?"
"Jake,she's perfect...I'm not." I tell him.
He rolls his eyes,"You are perfect. This is how I see you. When I look at you,I see nothing but perfection."
"You're so cheesy." I mutter.
"I'll go get you a mirror." He says,"Because,you look exactly the same as the girl in the picture."
"No,I look hideous right now,I know it." I frown.
He snorts,"Fine. You look hideous." He winces,"I take it back,I can't even say that without it hurting." He shakes his head,"You're beautiful."
I roll my eyes,"Thank you,but no thank you."
"Just accept the damn compliment." He says.
"Fine." I mutter,"Thank you."
He cutes me off,"Don't even."
I smile softly,and flip to another page,another one of me. Except this one was outside of the garage,I could tell. I was leaning against the red shutters,smiling. I think I remember this day,the first time I came to Jake's when Edward left. I could see the softness in my eyes,it was a real smile,not faked. He got every strand of hair right,my plaid shirt,skinny jeans,and the way I corssed my ankles when I stood.
"I like this one too... Well,I like them all." He admitts,"But,this one,kinda means more in ways..."
"The first time I came over to your house,with the bikes..." I murmer.
He chuckles,and sighs,"Yeah..."
I flip the next page,and see one of me with Jake. His arms wrapped tightly around my waist,before his transformation-with his long hair,and I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. His wide smile,his eyes slightly dark,but with his dimples,and the crinkle in his eyes,you could see the joy clearly stated in them. Then there was me in his arms,my hair resting on my shoulder,biting down on my lip-as if to try to fight off a smile.
"I like this one." I tell him.
He rips it out of the book and gives it to me,"Have it."
I smile,looking down at it,"How do you draw these pictures... Without,having something to look at?" I ask him.
"Photographic memory." He tells me with a smirk,flipping to the next page-but before I could look at it,he turned the other page.
I raise my brow,"I didn't see the other one..."
He bites down on his lip,"I don't know if you want to."
I narrow my eyes,"Jacob,you better not be drawing nude pictures of me."
He snorts out a laugh,"No,I'm more respectful than that... but,fine." He turns it back to the other page.
I blush. Oh. In Jacob's car. Kissing. Of course he'd draw something like this!
"Well,you sure are detailed... How does this one exactly apply to your photographic memory,when you couldn't actually see this going on?" I ask him.
He shrugs,"It involves imagination too." He tells me,"I like it."
I snort,"Of course you like it..."
He smiles,"You did too."
"I still do." I tell him,leaning over to press my lips softly to his."How many of these ones did you actually draw?" I ask him.
He lifts his shoulders,"Three maybe..."
"You like to draw me..." I assume.
"This is my Bella book. I like drawing you... It's always a challenge,because then I have to make everything perfect,but even then-they're nothing compared to the real thing." He says.
I roll my eyes,"I want to see the other ones."
He skims through the book,then comes to a stop. The second one,was from yesterday ,I noticed. The way I was planted in his lap,my hands in his hair-the way my back arched into his body,his hands gripping my waist. I bite down on my lip,I liked this drawing too. Then he flipped the next page,then a few others before he came another stop.
This one was more on the imaginative side. And I could feel the heat rise to my cheeks,immediately.
"What can I say... A guy can dream?" He snickers,then flips to the next page.
I didn't bother to reply to his cocky comment,and stared down at this picture,it wasn't finished-but, from what I could tell,it was pretty damn good.
It was one of me,in Jake's arms- cudled into his chest,with his hand in my hair,staring down at me-sleepily. His other arms,wrapped securely around my body,my eyes closed-but my face looked realyl concentrated on something,my brows were pulled together,and my lip was tucked into my mouth slightly,one hand on his arm,the other on his chest.
"You were having a dream... About me." He says slowly,"A very intimate one..."
Turns out this picture isn't as innocent as it looks.I bite down on my lip,"Was it verbal?"
He nods,"Oh yeah. Very,very verbal."
I groan,"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't want to embarrass you..." He says innocently.
I jut my lip out,in a pout,"Do you have any other ones of me and you?" I ask him.
He nods,"Yeah." He reaches behind me to put the other one back,and grabs another one-slightly larger.
He moves back slightly,and I get up off his lap,so he could place the book on it. He skimmed through it,and I stopped him,seeing one picture that stood out. I glared at him.
He sighs,rolling his eyes."At least it's not you... And it was before we started dating. It was after Leah changed... I couldn't help it,but I'll take it out now,if it makes you feel better." He rip the picture of Leah out,crumples it up,and tosses it in the nearby garbage can,that was stacked with other crumpled up papers.
"Did you like Leah,or something?" I ask him. Obviously,there was something there for him to draw a picture of her,wearing nothing but her skimpy underwear.
He scoffed,"No. She just has a nice form..."
I glare at him,"So did you draw nude pictures of the guys too?"
He coughed into his arm,"NO! Calm down Bella."
I sigh,and nod slowly,"Okay,okay..."
He continued to flip through the pictures,and stopped at one. It was one where my face was turned into his chest,his arms wrapped tightly around my body-his eyes closed tightly,his jaw looked as if it was clenched,his brows low.
"The first time I came to your room,and you were crying,because of him." He whispers.
I bit down on my lip.
"I was so,torn Bella,to see what you were going through. I wanted to go hunt him down and ..." He shudders,"It doesn't matter,you're with me now,and I will never leave you."
I nod,and kiss his forehead,"I know."
He glances up,"We have an hour until we have to go to the meeting."
I nod,"Okay. I should get ready... Take a shower..." I sigh,"I need a change of clothes,I'm starting to hate these ones." The incident of earlier at school played in my mind,and I shudder.
He chuckles,"Alright,we should hurry up then."
ohh my god this is soooo good!!!!!!
YAYY!!!!! FIRST COMMENT!!!!
but this is really really good. i love it! keep up the good work!
Thank you! :D
I'm updating now (: So,it may be around an hour or two?(:
sorry for the change of colour from black to white. I was writing it from my hotmail account,and forgot that I used colour in the beginning,and then didn't use it for the rest of the chapter.
And for the next chapter... It is just a full Jacob/bella chapter.(:
Won't be updating for awhile,so
this is probably it for a week or less. :/
Thanks! And I'm finally back home,and will update tomorrow after school :$
First day of Highschool for me D; Is it scary? :0
But,I'll try to update as much as I can,and sorry for the Super Long wait!