What if . Bella decided to reach over and kiss Jacob in her truck? Would that change how she feels about Jacob over all ? Knowing the feelings he has for her,knowing he could give her more. Knowing,she wouldn't have to change for him...
[Disclaimer]; not everybody posts the disclaimers in their fanfiction,but i'm going to. ;) Idon't own Twilight,or any of the characters in it. All belong to Stephenie Meyer- All though I wish I did.(;
A/N; I hope you enjoy ... :) & I'm starting at chapter 1 :)
Chapter 1; One Last Look.
My fingers were curled tightly around the steering wheel,as i stared out ahead of us. We were in front of Charlies-though his cruiser was missing. I bite the inside of my lip,my brows mashed together,listening to Jacob's breathing. He was staring out the window,as we sat in my old truck silently. Sometimes, I wish I knew what he was thinking,and then he let out a breath.
"What are you thinking,Bells?" he asks,breaking the awkward silence.
I loosen my grip on the steering wheel,and lean into the seat-sighing,"I,was ... Going to ask you the same thing." I tell him,glancing side-ways. He was still looking out the fogged window.
" You really want to know what i'm thinking about?" he questions,now turning to look at me.
His stare sent shivers through-out my body,and his question made me think about how to answer. Do I want to know what he's thinking about? The way he said it,makes me wonder if it's a bad thing- something I actually don't want to know. But,maybe I'm just over-thinking. I do want to know what he's thinking about,but,maybe when I do know-I'll regret asking what he was thinking about.
I'm over-thinking... I think.
I nod,"Tell me what you're thinking about Jake."
He smirks,his eyes slightly lidded."You." he whispers."Always..."
I sigh,and smile weakly."Jacob..."
He shakes his head,and takes my hands off the wheel-and into his hands,mine so small compared to his. I look down,not wanting to stare into his eyes-knowing it would be for the best. I think. Because,if I fall in love with Jake ... I'm just going to end up hurting him,when Edward comes back. Eward will come back,I know it... Jacob is my best friend,and i can't stand,loosing him.
"Bella,I love you. I've always loved you. And you know that,I know you know that." He sighs,"Bells,look at me. Please." I bit my lip,and shook my head.
"I can't." I whisper.
One hand disapeared from mine,and moved swiftly under my chin. Forcing me to look up at him,I tried to look away from his face,but mine landed on his. His gaze so intense,I couldn't look away. His hot breath was circulating around my face,the woodsy scent i always loved-intoxicating me. Wanting me to move closer to it. But I stayed where I was,our gazes interlocked.
I was waiting for him to say something,but he just remained speechless;his lips parted-as in lost in thought. I bit down on my lip hard,as the silence intensified. Just when realization hit me. My fingers slowly,crawling up his arms-as his hands hooked onto my waist-pulling me into his lap.
Jacob can never be just a friend to me. I've always seen noticed him,always known he was attractive to me in some way.But,Edward...
"I can't hurt you." I mumble,my lips brushing across his in the process. I never noticed how close we were until now.
"Do you love me?" he asks,his eyes closed-waiting for my answer.
I press my lips tightly together,curling my hands into fists-agaist his covered chest. "I..." i press my lips back together,taking a stead breath.
[for now... watching Salt :3]
There'll be no sunlight if I loose you baby.
Edward wraps his arm around my waist,pulling me into my side-and I try to react as if his touch still made me excited. It was the same thing every morning,afternoon,and night ; trying ,and pretending,putting on a play for Edward,for everyone. Pretending I have feelings for him,pretending Jacob's absece doesn't cut right through my chest.
Jacob is my sun,and without him,there'll be no sun,no light. It'll be an endless night,a sheet of darkness,cold,dark endless nights. It'll be,empty. Without Jacob my world is empty.
He kisses the top of my head,sending shivers all through-out my body,not the pleasureable kind,the cold ones. It felt so wrong. Nothing about this was right. I can't do this anymore. It's only been going on for three weeks,but I just can't do this anymore! It's tearing me apart. I'm letting Edward have his way with me,and it's not right! I can't pretend to love him. I'm only hurting him,and myself.
And,if Jacob ever found out,I don't know. I honestly don't know what I'd do with myself,how he's react. This is all so stupid! I bit down on my lip hard,and uncoiled myself from his embrace,and stood up to look at him. I crossed my arms over my chest,and took a deep breath.
"This isn't fair to you,or me,or even Jacob. I can't sit there on this couch,under your arm,and pretend I like it. I can't sit their,and let you believe I like it when you kiss my forehead,or when you kiss me in general,I can't do this anymore Edward! It's not ever going to come back,that feeling for you I had is gone. It disapeared when I fell in love with Jacob. It's never coming back,and I can't lead you on like this. I've been using you,and it's not right. It's not even helping me. Because everytime you touch me,I think of him,I compare you to him-instantly. Everything you two do are the complete opposite,and I can't do this anymore!" I cried,my hands flew up in the air to express me frustration.
He was in front of me in less than half a second,"Bella,you're tired." His finger brushed along my cheek,and I cringed away from him.
I shake my head,"Yeah,I am. I'm tired of living this lie! Edward,it's not going to work! I can't have you,you can't have me. I don't want you! I want Jacob! I need Jacob!" I fell to my knees,my head hitting the soft cushions on the couch,as I let myself cry. I couldn't hold it in anymore. One month is too much.
I felt Edwards hand run through my hair,"You need some rest." He whispered,"I'll call off the small party tonight,and post-pone it. It's alright." Then his cold presence was gone.
Four weeks later.
"Bella! You look gorgeous!" Alice and Jessica both squeaked.
"Let me see!" Emily cries,then stops short in my bedroom doorway,"Whoa,Bella. You look amazing."
I turn to look at myself in the full-length mirror. There was a year-end dance tonight,Edward was taking me. I was wearing a knee-length lavendar silky dress,that hugged in all the right places,with black flats,and my hair was out-displayed on my shoulders. Simple but cute,I guess. I don't know what everyone was so gaga about. I look like any other teenage girl,minus the small stomach that started to appear. But,it just looks like I'm gaining weight right now.
I haven't told the girls either,besides Alice. Well,Alice found out first,then demanded Carlisle to check me out. Yay,Bella's got some sort of thing inside her stomach. And for some reason Edward thinks it's his. But it couldn't be,because we've never had sex,but he'd like to think we did. Does he even know how babies are made? I don't think he understands.
I turn back around to look at them and smile softly,"I don't look as great as all of you do."
Jessica rolls her eyes,"Whatever Bella." She was going with Mike.
"Bella,you look amazing." Emily murmers,a small smile on her face. She was just accompanying us.
"Of course she looks amazing! I picked out her dress,her shoes..." Alice muses.
I laugh quietly,"Thanks..."
We all walked down the stairs,everyone excited except for me. Jess wasn't excited about going with Mike,but she loves dances. Me,I hate dancing,and I don't want to go with Edward. He talked me into him trying to help me not go into 'depression' so he called it,and I drunkenly agreed. And now he holds me against my word whenever I try to tell him I don't want him.
It's so hard. I'm always moping on the inside,but putting on some show for everyone else. It's not fair to myself. Life isn't fair. I felt like crying again,and my knees buckled-but Edwards hand gripped my arm,picking me back up before I could hit the ground.
"Not tonight,love." He whispered.
I sniffled,"Okay." I whispered back,collecting myself up before I could let the single tear ruin my make-up that Alice had taken the time to do.
He smiles,"That's a girl."
I grimace,and step around him to get down stairs,and grab my coat-which disapeared from my hands,as Edward took it and politely helped me put it on. If he thinks that he'll ever make me forget about Jacob,he's wrong. Deffinately wrong. If he ever tries to make me forget him,I will ... I don't even know. I'll go Jackie Chan on his ass.
There'll be no clear skies,if I loose you baby.
We all piled into Jessica's car,and sped off to Hoquiam High,I sat in the back with Alice and Edward,while Emily ,Jasper and Jess sat in the front,Mike still lives in Forks,so he's going to meet us there. Once he heard Jess's boyfriend was out of town for awhile,he thought he'd try to get something from her. But she'd been rejecting him,except for this one thing.
Once we got there,I saw bright lights surrounding the school,and it was also draped with purple,white and grey banners,the school colours. One read ; Congratulations This Years Graduates. I sigh,Jake should be here with me. I look down at my feet,as Edward hooked his arm with mine,leading me into the gymnasiam where loud music blasted.
It was pretty packed. Hoquiam wasn't a very big area,and there wasn't nearly as many as there was in Forks,but I guess a lot of people were invited too. Everybody was dancing,screaming,shouting,drinking,it was mayhem. I automatically groaned,shaking my head. I'm too mature for these things.
I heard Edward chuckle,"It's alright Bella." he tried to reasure me.
"That's what you always say." I tell him.
All of a sudden the music stopped,and a slow beat started to radiate from the speakers set up around the gym. I stopped breathing,my lips trembling. I yanked myself away from Edward as the song Sexy Love by Ne-yo played. The first song Jacob sang,with Paul for Jess and I. I ran over to a corner of the gym,and slid down to the floor,resting my chin on my knees,trying to hold back the tears. I don't know how many times I've told myself this , but, I can't do this. Not without Jacob.
I leaned my head back against the wall,as the song dispersed into silence. The next song made me even more upset ; It Will Rain by Bruno Mars. What is this! Is there somebody trying to tell me something? Because I'm not getting the clue very clearly. I already know how I feel about Jacob,and I have no feelings towards Edward,I can't. It's not working! I don't know what to do anymore.
"Hey,Bella,why so glum for?" A recognizable voice said. I had to look up to actually know who it was.
I jumped to my feet,trapping him in a hug,"God,Seth! I missed you so much!" I cried.
I heard him chuckle,then sigh,"Look,I'm staying. But that's only because the others don't want me to stay any longer. Maria isn't dead,and I'm too much of a weak link,a distraction. They chased her down to Europe,she's heading towards Italy,which means they'll just have to take all the Royal vamps down too. But,just letting you know,Jacob says he's sorry for how he left things."
I pull back,"He's,not,here?"
He shakes his head,"Jake is one of the strongest,Bella." He shrugs,"I'm sure it'll only be another few weeks."
I sigh,and nod.
"so how've you been?" He asks.
I roll my eyes,"Hell. LIterally,hell,Seth." My eyes started to water,and Seth hugged me into his body,resting his head on top of mine.
"He'll be back Bella. For you."
"There's more than just me now,Seth." I tell him,crying harder than I ever have before.
He looks at me quizzically,and I gave him a moment to put it all together,"Oh. Oh... Ohhh! Oh,God dammit! How could Jake be so irresponsible!"
I shake my head,and sigh."It's been really hard."
"I can't even imagine!" He exclaims.
He keeps me in his arms,"He'll be back,for the both of you."
'Cause there'll be no sunlight,if I loose you baby,and there'll be no clear skies,If I loose you baby.
Baby,just like the clouds,my eyes will do the same. If you walk away,everyday it will rain,rain,rain,rain...'
Ahah,thank you both!
& Yes,Bella is pregnant.
I was going to have Jacob orginally come back in this chapter,but I think it's just too early,so I made it Seth instead.(;
I'm not exactly sure when I'm going to end the story,but it'll probably soon,maybe five more chapters I'm guessing :/
But,then I'm going to continue it,making a sequel!
And he will come back,don't worry (:
This is Great! I LOVE IT ! Please keep going. WOW!
Chapter 35 ; Freedom ,At Last.
I heard the church bells ring from afar, but we found eachother in the dark.
And when the smoke finally passes,we will rise above all the ash. 'Cause,
we're gonna live,at last.
So bright,the flames burned in our hearts,that we found eachother in the dark.
Like beasts out in the wilderness,we are fighting to survive,and convalesce.
but,we're gonna live,like the rest.
Another three weeks passed,but this time ; they were less painful. I had kicked Edward out,and Seth stayed with me instead. Which I very much more prefered,because Seth was like a brother to me,and I don't need to pretend with him. I don't need to fake that I'm okay,because he encourages me to let it out,unlike Edward who wanted me to keep it all locked inside myself.
I love Seth,I really do. He's like the younger brother I never had. He always knows how flip a bad situation to a more positive and happier one. And he always reassured me that Jake was coming back,even if he didn't know for sure; and most of the time i could tell he was just trying to make me feel better,but he also hoped that they'd all return safely,unharmed.
If any of them got hurt,I'd blame it on myself no doubt. I'd be the one to blame. For everything. I'm the reason why all of this was happening. This,is so complicating. Why'd it have to be me? Honestly,why God,why me? Why am I the one you decided to pick on? I've hurt so many people,and now I'm suffering. Maybe that just karma finally paying me a visit? If I believed in karma.
I don't know what to believe anymore! But,I just want to believe that My Jacob will come back,to me. I can't do this without him,he's my life. My true love. I'd take back all the times i had with Edward if it would bring Jacob back to me right now. Edward was the reason my life was so torn apart,he introduced me to another world I had not buisness entering. Now,I'm part of something that has endangered everyone I love.
"You don't know what you want, Bella! You don't know!" Edward argued back.
"Yes,I do. I want you to leave,right now. Just go,get out of my life." I tell him,clenching my teeth.
He growels,"No,you're... you're tired." He breathed,his hand raising to caress my cheek-but I moved away,"Bella,please."
I shake my head,"No! Edward,just go! Now!" I yell at him.
He sighs,looking down,then looking up at me through his eye lashes,"Bella... Maybe,you should sleep on it. It's been a long night..."
I groaned,I felt like slapping him,if only it wouldn't break my hand."Get out!" I screamed at him.
He stomped his foot,"You're being over dramatic! And freaking hysterical! You're insane Bella,insane!"
"Am I now? You're the person who intruded my life,trying to make me forget the man I love. Pushing me,forcing me to do things i don't want to do! You're over one-hundred years old,you creep!" I shot back.
"I thought you loved me." he whispered.
I couldn't believe him! His dumb? Does he not speak English? Am I speaking in some forgein language,because last time I checked I did not speak any other language in the moment. My english is very good. Does he not understand?!
"Yes,I loved you. Extra emphasis on the 'ED' on the end of Loved. Past tense. Just go." I mutter,running my hand through my hair,leaning against the door frame. "I don't want to argue anymore,so just leave."
He steps back out of the doorway,nodding."Fine. Bye Bella." and then he wasn't there,at all.
"You okay Bella?" Seth asks.
I nod,"I'm better now." I tell him,honestly. "Hey,you wanna stay here?"
He nods,with a small smile,"Of course! Got any marshmellows?" He winks,and I just laugh.
"Yeah,I have marshmellows."
Seth always makes me so happy. I wish he was my real brother,so I'd have some sort of claim to him. I glanced over at the couch where he layed sprawled on,his legs hung off the end of the couch,and his arms off the side. He reminds me of a younger Jacob.
I smile to myself,my fingers running over the thin fabric of my shirt that covered my stomach. I'm almost three months into the pregnancy,and I don't look too bad,I mean,it's not very noticable,but then again it is at the same time. People should know that I'm pregnant by now. Which is scary. it scares me,so much.
"Daddy will be here,baby." I whisper quietly,leaning back into the rocking chair.
"Bella...?" His voice was hoarse,low,and rough.
My head whipped into the direction of the doorway,and I sprang to my feet,throwing myself at him."Jacob!"
He pushed me away gently,gaping at me."What the hell,how come you didn't tell me!?" He demanded,his expression confused me.
My brows pulled together,"What are you talking about...?"
"Bella,you're pregnant! How could you not tell me! god,I'm such an idiot!" He hung his head,his hands covering his face.
i reached up onto my tip toes,to pry his fingers away from his face,"You are not an idiot. And,I didn't know. I didn't know until the first week,Alice called me,and told me I should check up with Carlisle..."
He stared at me,his eyes became glossy."I should've used protection! Dammit,I'm sorry Bella,this is all my fault!"
I shake my head,"I'm okay..."
"You want it?" He wondered.
"Yes,I really do. And,you just got home,we should be celebrating your return! I've missed you so much!" I tell him,wrapping my arms around his neck,and pulling myself closer to him. My heart started to throb,I have really missed him.
He smiles,pressing his lips to my forehead,and growling softly."You have no idea what I've been through without you... But,I can't stay long."
I pulled back,pushing him away from me,"What do you mean!?" I cried.
"What's going on?" I heard Seth mumble from the couch,I turned to look at him as his eyes opened,and they adjusted-then he jumped upright,"Jake! You're back!"
Jacob sighed,"It's not finished. We took care of the Maria chic,but we're having some.. Complications."
"Jake,please,you can't just leave me again." I almost begged,my eyes watering.
"I don't want to leave,trust me. It hurts so much seeing you. It feels like it's bee years."
"It's been almost three God damn months Jacob! You have no idea what the hell I've been through! God Jake!" Tears started streaming down my face,and I started smacking his chest."Why!? Why'd you come back!? Just to leave again! You have no idea...!" I wanted to scream,but my voice started to give out.
Jake's finger came down to my lips,"I had to see you. And now that I know you're pregnant,I don't know if I'll be able to leave. I came here,because,I ... I want,you,to,run away... With me." he stutters.
"But Jake..." Seth starts.
I look at him,speechless. And not for the first time.
"Seth,i would send you to Emily's. Jess is with Emily right?" I nodded,"Seth will be the only one to know,which means you-" he pointed at Seth,"-You can't say anything to anyone! Got it?"
He sighed,nodding."Course Jake."
"You want me to run away,from my family,my friends... My,life,with you?" I ask him.
"I'm doing the same thing Bella." He tells me,"For you."
I nod once,"When do we leave?"
Awweeh thanks guys!<3
&& ahahah,yeah it was time for Jacob to come back <3
Glad you guys liked it so much :$