What if . Bella decided to reach over and kiss Jacob in her truck? Would that change how she feels about Jacob over all ? Knowing the feelings he has for her,knowing he could give her more. Knowing,she wouldn't have to change for him...
[Disclaimer]; not everybody posts the disclaimers in their fanfiction,but i'm going to. ;) Idon't own Twilight,or any of the characters in it. All belong to Stephenie Meyer- All though I wish I did.(;
A/N; I hope you enjoy ... :) & I'm starting at chapter 1 :)
Chapter 1; One Last Look.
My fingers were curled tightly around the steering wheel,as i stared out ahead of us. We were in front of Charlies-though his cruiser was missing. I bite the inside of my lip,my brows mashed together,listening to Jacob's breathing. He was staring out the window,as we sat in my old truck silently. Sometimes, I wish I knew what he was thinking,and then he let out a breath.
"What are you thinking,Bells?" he asks,breaking the awkward silence.
I loosen my grip on the steering wheel,and lean into the seat-sighing,"I,was ... Going to ask you the same thing." I tell him,glancing side-ways. He was still looking out the fogged window.
" You really want to know what i'm thinking about?" he questions,now turning to look at me.
His stare sent shivers through-out my body,and his question made me think about how to answer. Do I want to know what he's thinking about? The way he said it,makes me wonder if it's a bad thing- something I actually don't want to know. But,maybe I'm just over-thinking. I do want to know what he's thinking about,but,maybe when I do know-I'll regret asking what he was thinking about.
I'm over-thinking... I think.
I nod,"Tell me what you're thinking about Jake."
He smirks,his eyes slightly lidded."You." he whispers."Always..."
I sigh,and smile weakly."Jacob..."
He shakes his head,and takes my hands off the wheel-and into his hands,mine so small compared to his. I look down,not wanting to stare into his eyes-knowing it would be for the best. I think. Because,if I fall in love with Jake ... I'm just going to end up hurting him,when Edward comes back. Eward will come back,I know it... Jacob is my best friend,and i can't stand,loosing him.
"Bella,I love you. I've always loved you. And you know that,I know you know that." He sighs,"Bells,look at me. Please." I bit my lip,and shook my head.
"I can't." I whisper.
One hand disapeared from mine,and moved swiftly under my chin. Forcing me to look up at him,I tried to look away from his face,but mine landed on his. His gaze so intense,I couldn't look away. His hot breath was circulating around my face,the woodsy scent i always loved-intoxicating me. Wanting me to move closer to it. But I stayed where I was,our gazes interlocked.
I was waiting for him to say something,but he just remained speechless;his lips parted-as in lost in thought. I bit down on my lip hard,as the silence intensified. Just when realization hit me. My fingers slowly,crawling up his arms-as his hands hooked onto my waist-pulling me into his lap.
Jacob can never be just a friend to me. I've always seen noticed him,always known he was attractive to me in some way.But,Edward...
"I can't hurt you." I mumble,my lips brushing across his in the process. I never noticed how close we were until now.
"Do you love me?" he asks,his eyes closed-waiting for my answer.
I press my lips tightly together,curling my hands into fists-agaist his covered chest. "I..." i press my lips back together,taking a stead breath.
[for now... watching Salt :3]
thank you so much GuyWhoJustLovesSinging & Kimberlee Clearwater <3
I appreciate that !
& I'm adding on right now (: Sorry for such the long wait !
Chapter 44 ; Buil Me,Break Me, Fix Me.
It's been four long days since Jacob left for his mission. What if he never comes back? What if he isn't allowed to come back? What if he doesn't want to come back? I could accept that, Jacob not wanting to come back : I'd completely understand. I've been a depression hoarder. I cheated on him,played with his heart,and treated it like play-dough. I'm a terrible girlfriend. Why wouldn't he want to leave me?
I lean against the counter,popping a piece of an orange into my mouth that I had cut up. I sigh,running a hand through my slightly damp hair,I had recently gotten out of the shower. I haven't contacted anyone since I ranaway with Jake besides our neighbors. But since I found out I had a miscarriage,I haven't talked to them,and they let me be.
I was going to have a baby girl. Extra emphasis on the was. I ran a single finger down my flat stomach,then lifted up my shirt to see the faint pink stretch marks- that were starting to fade away. I let my shirt fall back into place,as I took another piece of an orange. I frown,crossing my arms,it's so lonely.
Then,out of what seemed like nowhere,a thought crossed my mind. Jessica. I wonder how she's doing? How hers and Paul's relationship has been,besides the fact that the wolves had been on a six to seven month mission. But they should already be back in La Push,so Jessica is bound to be with Paul by now. I decide to call her.
I run into the bedroom,and pull out my suitcase,and dig through the pockets for my cell phone that I hadn't used since... Forever. I scroll the contacts,sitting on the floor,leaning back against the bed. I find her name,and press the call button.
It only rang twice.
"What the hell Bella?!" Jessica screamed into the phone,clearly irritated. I couldn't blame her.
"Hey to you too,Jess." I mumble.
"Excuse me? Hi? No,don't even call me Jess. It's been,like,what? ALmost a whole freaking year since you've talked to me!" She screamed. Literally.
I sigh,"I know,I know,and I'm sorry... Things have been so,stressful lately... I don't know,I'm sorry."
I hear her huff in annoyance,"Sorry my ass Bella. Stress? And you think I haven't been stressed? My boyfriend left to go fight off vampires too! Then yours comes back for you,and you go run off into the freaking sunset! Low and behold you cheated on him. How dare you Bella!" She kept rambling on and on,not holding anything back.
"Jessica!" I yelled into the reciever,grapping at my hair,and leaning my head back,tears gathering in the corners of my eyes,but I knew I deserved this. All her critism,I deserved it.
"Shut up Bella! You put this on yourself,it's about time someone confronted you. Because what you're doing is sick. And it's wrong. If I knew what you've been doing to Jacob,I would've said something earlier. Don't ever call me again." She spat. Her words snaked through my ear,lingering in my mind.
"Jess,please,don't do this..." I begged,the tears escaping,and slowly dripping down my face.
"Don't. Just don't. I've heard enough." She grumbled,and then the phone line beeped. She hung up.
Well,that actually went better than I thought it would. At least she answered. I sigh,and shove the phone back into the suitcase,and stuff it back underneath the bed. But then I heard it start buzzing again. I hastily,pull it back out,and answer it- not bothering to look at the name.
"It's Jacob." His voice was low,but it sounded as if he were panting-out of breath.
"Oh," My lips trembled,"Hi Jake." My voice cracked slightly.
"I was planning on staying,and not telling you about it. But then I thought ; hah,that's such a Bella move. And I'm not you. So,I'm telling you now." He paused,and tears started streaming down my face,"Bella,calm down. And open the God damn door. When the hell did you change the locks?" He sighed,frustrated.
I was stunned,and dropped the phone as I bolted off my ass and ran to the door,almost falling down everytime my feet lifted off the ground. I unlocked the door,and swung the door open,and there stood Jacob,bare-chested,with black track pants on,in all of his shining glory. I threw myself at him,and his arms wrapped around me instantly.
Jacob's Point Of View ~
I stuck the phone in my pocket,to wrap my arms around her waist,carrying her back into the house-closing the door behind me. I walked us back into our room,and settled her down on the bed,peeling her arms off of me,to stare down at her.
She looked thunderstruck for a moment,and then I sat down beside her.
"I'm not ever forgiving you for what you did." I stated.
She nods,"I understand."
"I got him by the way. His family even helped." I shook my head,"So,you can't run back into his arms anymore."
Her lips trembles,and she hides her face in her hands,"I don't want him Jake."
"Good,cause he's gone."
"I don't know what else you want me to say." She mumbles,"But,why are you back?"
I snort,"Why? This is my house too."
She nods slowly,"Makes sense."
I stare at her,slightly irritated by her lack of emotion right now. I've been gone for four days,and killed the bloodsucker that cheated on me with,and she just accepts it? 'I don't want him Jake,' that's al she has to say? Really.
"Jake,I love you,still." She whispers.
I shrug,trying not care,"'Course you do." I roll my eyes.
"I mean it!" She exclaims,grabbing my face between her small hands.
I try to look away from her.
"Jake!" She cries."Four freaking days,Jacob. And nothing but a note. Thanks?"
I stare at her in disgust,pushing her hands away from me,"You sicken me sometimes,you know that?"
She huffs,"I sicken myself,all the time! I'm never going to be the girl you want me to be. I'll never be right,ever. I'll never be able to please anyone. I'm a klutz,I cheated on you,I broke your heart,and broke mine too." She shook her head,"I'm not perfect,and I don't want to be. That doesn't make what I did okay,I'll never be able to live my life knowing what I've done to you. Everyday,Jake,for the last week,all that's been going through my mind is a way to tie myself under a truck,and tell the driver to start. Or push myself into live traffic. you're not the only one hurt. I'm not the only selfish one here."
I was slightly taken aback. She was kinda right,but,the way she said it,pissed me off a bit."Go ahead,jump infront of a damn truck. I don't care."
She stands up,to my surprise and says:"Fine,I will." She walks out of the door,and I hear her feet walking down the hall,then the door slam shut.
My lips press into a straight line,and I hopp off the bed,and run after her."Bella!" I yelled after her,as she started running down the block. I caught up to her in a few seconds,scooping her up into my arms,and started to jog back,trying to ignore her feeble attempts to break out of my hold.
"Let me kill myself. I'm sure your life would be less painful with me around." She muttered,punching my chest.
"I should. But,I'm not going to. I love you,believe it or not."
"Yeah,right." She scoffs.
She shakes her head,"You were going to let me kill myself! And the funny thing is,I would've done it too!"
"Which is why I stopped you,because I wasn't expecting you to follow through." I muttered.
Which is true. I didn't think Bella would actualyl get up and actually want to go kill herself. She really has been through a lot. I mean , Hell, she's the one who lost the child. I did too,but,she carried it in her stomach,while I wasn't around... I got in the door,closing it behind me,and brought her back into our room,droppping her on the bed.
And I dropped down onto it too,pulling her face up to mine,capturing her lips between mine. Her fingers crawled into my hair,pulling me closer,and I placed my hand on her waist. I don't know what really came over me,maybe it's just everything was eating at me,and,well,Bella knew how to take it away. No one else understood me like her. All the anger I had towards her vanished,and it was replaced with a stronger yearning for her,a lust. Pure lust,and anxiety of not being entirely with her.
I pressed my body flat against hers,her legs wrapped around my waist,my fingers running along her sides. I started to push up her shirt,breaking the kiss for a moment,to pull it over her head. She sighed softly,and pulled my face back to hers,as we continued another kiss. I could feel her heart beating rapidly aginst my own chest,a strong ache formed in the pit of my stomach. I need her.
I roll onto my back,and she ground her hips into mine,a low moan escaping her lips,and mine. I grasped at her belt loops,tearing them off,her belt falling limp,and she quickly un buckled it,tossing it to the ground. Then she tried to go for the button on her jeans,but I took over,popping the button from the seams.
She yanked on the strings of my track pants,pulling them down,and I lifted my hips to take them off,kicking them to the side,as her body encircled mine,her lips back on mine,her fingers in my hair,and her legs back around my waist.
They say we can love who we trust,
But what is love without lust? Two hearts,
With accurate devotions,and what are feelings,
Without emotions? I hang my hopes out on the line,
Will they be ready for you in time? If you leave too long,
They'll be withered by the sun, full stops,
and exclamation marks,my words stumble,before I start.
Our bodies aligned with one another,moving in perfect sync.
this chapter is SO GOOD!!! :D please write more soon!!!!
.great! now im happy for both of them,., :)
Continue!!! More please!!
Thanks ! There's one last chapter to this, then I'l start Book Two. But in the same discussion, cause it's easier that way.
And I'm going to be starting another story :3 I'll try to update once a week . That's all I think I can manage,right now,with school&all.
this is the way it should have been but bellas obsesion with retaining her youth and beauty and possesions of the cullens overcame her love for jacibe glade you are bringing some passion and logic to this story thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!1
I'll be updating tomorrow ~
new reader :)
just finished reading your story and loved it. can't wait to see what is going to happen.
please keep me updated.
Chapter 45 ; Starting Over.
It's you who bring the morning,it's you who takes the sun when I sleep.
You're the only one who stuck around for me,when I was losing faith in
What I thought I would be. You're the only one in the dark I see.
My arms tensed,a small aching corsing right up to my shoulder,as I flexed. I groaned,rubbing my hands down my face,then at my eyes. I glance over at Bella,who is curled up in a ball of blankets,her hair disaray. I sigh,I've done it again. I gave into her,I screwed up. Why do I always do this? Why do I let her play around with me,and just run right back to her. I turn my back to her,staring at the wall,trying to make sense of my actions.
Yes,she's my bestfriend. But that doesn't give her permission to do corrupt me. To hurt me,and break me down. No,that's not right. Yes,I love her. But,is it the same is I used to? I feel like my life is full of her drama. Edward, The Volturi, Edward, Maria, Edward,Edward,Edward. I frown. I know it's not her fault exactly,it's not like she brought it onto herself or anything. But it's taking over my life.
I don't know if I can do this anymore. I don't know if I want to do this anymore.
It was Bella's eigth birthday,and of course I was invited,seeing how she was spending it at her dad's house this year. I wore the only white button-up shirt I had,and a pair of jeans. It was going to be a small get-together at Charlie's house. I'm the only friend coming over,well,and Rachel and Rebecca,but they don't count. Not,as much as I do.
I slipped on my running shoes,my brand new ones. And grabbed the small gift bag that contained Bella's present,a necklace with a red crystal heart on it. I wasn't sure exactly what she wanted,because she was going through so many different phases. First she's a Tom Boy,then she's a Girly Girl. Like,who knows what's next. But,anyways,I thought she wouldn't mind this,whether she was wearing shorts or a skirt.
We all piled into the truck,as my dad took the wheel. It only took about twenty minutes for us to get there. And I immediately hopped out,and ran to the door-knocking politely.
The door swung open,"Nice to see you,son!" Charlie bellowed,shaking my hand,and pulling me inside,then went back out to get my dad and my sisters.
I peeked into the living room after removing my jacket and shoes,and Bella was sitting on the couch reading a book. Not surprised. She always reads books. Why? Who knows. I walk over to the couch,and plop down next to her.
"Hey Bells!" I said, placing her gift bag on the table.
She put her book down,a smile appearing on her face,"Hey Jake! How've you been?" She placed the book on the table,her eyes flickering to the gift bag. Then back to me,she smiled again,and I noticed one of her bottom teeth were missing,sudden jealousy overcame me. Not strong though. I've only lost two teeth,and she's lost four.
I smile back,"I've been great! How've you been?"
She shrugs,"Ah,you know. The same as before."
Her hair was in a long braid,and the sun that shone through the window made the different shades of red and brown appear in her hair. It made me smile in awe. Mine was just a normal black.
"So,erh,Jake... What's in the bag?" She smiles again.
"Your present!" I said.
She rolls her big brown eyes,"Duhhh. I meant what's in the bag?"
"I can't tell you,it's a secret."
"Yeah,you better not tell her Jake!" I heard Rachel say. She was three years older,and helped me pay for Bella's present.
"I won't!" I promised.
About an hour later,everyone was in the living room,and two empty boxes of pizza were on the coffee table. Bella took another swig of her Root Beer,and let out a burp.
She laughed,"ew,that was so loud!"
I take a sip,and let one out too,"Mine was bigger."
She shakes her head,and takes a deep breath-holding up her finger,then lets out another burp.
My mouth dropped open,"Holy Crap!"
"Hey! Don't speak like that young man." My dad grumbled.
"Presents now?" Bella pressed.
Her dad finalyl nodded,and she grabbed her dads first. She tore it open,and squealed. A package of books. She ran up to her dad,hugging him.
He patts her on the back,smiling,"Notta' problem,hun."
I corssed my legs,as she started opening Rachel and Rebecca's gift next. It was an anklet with the letter B on it.
She blushed,"It's so pretty." She gave Rachel and Rebecca a hug too,then opened my dad's present. It was a journal. She squeals again,"Thank you Billy!"
Finally,she picked up mine."I saved the best for last."
I started to doubt that it would be the best,seeing how she was so into books.I let out a nervous laugh.
She took the little box from the bag,and opens it. She gasps,"Jake! Put it on me,would you?" She smiled,and handed me the necklace,turning around and lifting her hair.
I smile,and fumble to get the small hook undone,then put it around her,and clip it back together."There you go." I said as she let her hair fall back down.
"It's beautiful Jake." She murmers.
After awhile,Bella and I went up to her room,resuming a previous game of charades.
My brows furrowed at the memory. She's my life-long bestfriend. Forever and Always. I love her,I really do.
"Jake?" I hear her mumble.
I turn around to look at her,"Yeah?"
She sniffles,"Can I hug you?"
I stare at her in bewilderment,"OF course..."
She throws herself at me,her arms encirlcing me."I love you so much." She whispered into my chest.
I hold her close to me,and kiss her hair."I know."
"Do you still love me?" She asks softly.
"Forever and Always." I answered.
I pull back slightly,to look at her,"Yes,Bells?"
"Can we start over?"
My lips trembled,and I clutched at her shoulders. Not sure what to say.