Great for small children who can't read well. By: The Electrification of the Saint Petersburg Railway System
I have grown weary of seeing stacks of Twilight books and other memorabilia every time I enter my local Barnes and Nobel bookstore. These feelings of angst are partly due to the fact that I am not - and probably won't be for quite some time - a teenage girl, and therefore felt that I am disqualified from reading these novels because I fail to meet the required criterion. One day I sat on a bench and was reading a copy of Scientific American when a small, homely girl sauntered up to the magazine rack with her mother and looked at some sort of Twilight magazine type thing and began to rave about how awesome the books were to her mother. Surely I can't partake in the same literature that small homely girls read.
But the draw was too strong - I secretly read the first book.
Twilight follows the tale of Harry Potter and Samwise Gamgee as they fall in love because Samwise has blood that smells a lot like Frito's on a hot day. Harry tries to get Samwise to think that he's the cat's pajamas by doing card tricks and wiggling his ears in a circular motion while blinking to the rhythm of You Can Call Me Al by Paul Simon. This strategic bit of romance works. But - and this is where the plot thickens, so to speak - Samwise feels that Harry should leave him alone because Samwise is actually a lycanthrope in recovery and doesn't like his daddy because of the pressures of being a small town lawyer. In addition, Harry Potter is really busy with other stuff going on and Samwise thinks that Harry is sometimes lying to him when he gets home late at night and smells of Brute aftershave (Harry Potter wears Stetson).
The story culminates when vampires play soccer in a muddy field and one of them says something to the effect of, I see you brought a snack. This is the only time vampires are mentioned in the book, and it's somewhat misleading because everyone who hasn't read it seems to be under the impression that the book is about vampires.
Needless to say the plot is a bit unbelievable and adolescent. The font size in the book is about point 20, so the 1,000 pages boil down to about 15 pages in normal reading material. Undoubtedly there will be plenty of sequels of Twilight in the near future.