I'm not fooling you! I have seen New Moon three times in the past twenty-four hours, and I have it memorized! Here it is, enjoy!
Bella: These violent delights have violent ends. Like fire and powder. Which, as they kiss, consume.
Bella: (In meadow dream) Gran? Don’t, Edward, she’ll see you…. Okay. Gran, I’d like you to meet…
Edward: Happy birthday, Bella.
Charlie: (In Bella’s bedroom) Happy birthday…
Bella: I thought we agreed no presents.
Charlie: Yeah, well, the one from me is not wrapped. So it doesn’t count.
Charlie: This one’s from your mother, it goes with mine. We coordinated. Well, she coordinated me. It’s a scrapbook, to put all your pictures from senior year… Senior year. How’d you get so old so fast?
Bella: I didn’t. Eighteen’s not that old.
Charlie: I don’t know…is that a grey hair?
Bella: No. No way.
Charlie: Happy birthday.
Jessica: (In school parking lot) Hey Bella, today’s the big day! Essay due?
Mike: Where for art thou, Bella?
Bella: Hey, guys, my mom wants me to take pictures.
Angela: Uh, I take them, I’m not in them.
Eric: Oh, come on.
Jessica: Hey, you’ll Photoshop this if my nose looks big, right?
Eric: Don’t worry guys, I’m in the picture, no one will be looking at you.
Mike: Oh good. Cullen’s here.
Jessica: Well, we’ll see you later, Bella.
Edward: Happy birthday, Bella.
Bella: Don’t remind me.
Edward: Bella, your birthday is definitely something to celebrate.
Bella: My aging is not.
Edward: Your aging? Eighteen is a little young to worry about age.
Bella: It’s one year older than you.
Edward: No it’s not. I’m a hundred and nine.
Bella: Well then maybe I shouldn’t be dating such an old man. That’s gross.
Edward: (After they kiss) We should get to class.
Edward: Wait…someone wants you.
Bella: Hey, Jacob! Hello biceps! You know, steroids are really bad for you.
Jacob: I’m just filling out, Bella. Maybe if we hung out more it wouldn’t seem so drastic.
Bella: Well maybe you should switch schools, come hang out with the pale faces.
Jacob: No, I prefer the Rez School’s exclusivity. They let any old riffraff into this place.
Bella: Yeah. So, what are you doing here?
Jacob: I’m just picking up a part for the Rabbit. You should come see it sometime.
Bella: Is it fast?
Jacob: Well, it’s-it’s decent. (Laughs)
Bella: (laughing) I’m kidding.
Jacob: By the way, happy birthday. Your dad told my dad, so… Uh, I saw this the other day, and I thought of you. It catches bad dreams.
Bella: Wow, that’s…kind of perfect. Thank you!
Edward: (In hallway) So how come Jacob Black can give you presents and I can’t?
Bella: Because I have nothing to give back to you.
Edward: Bella, you give me everything just by breathing.
Alice: Bella! Happy birthday!
Alice: (laughing) here you go!
Bella: I thought we agreed no presents.
Alice: I already saw you open it, and guess what? You love it! You’re going to wear it tonight, our place. Oh, come on, Bella, please?
Bella: Well, okay.
Bella: Jasper! No fair with the mood control thing!
Jasper: (laughing) Sorry, Bella. Happy…never mind.
Romeo: (on movie screen in class) Dear Juliet! My wife! Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty.
Edward: Romeo, killed his love out of sheer stupidity. Although, I do envy him one thing.
Bella: Juliet is perfect, if you like that obviously beautiful sort of thing.
Edward: (laughing) No, not the girl, the uh… the suicide. It’s very hard for some…people. For humans, a little poison, a dagger to the heart, there are so many different options.
Bella: Why would you say that?
Edward: It’s something I had to think about once. I didn’t know if I would make it in time. I had to come up with some sort of…plan.
Bella: And what was that plan?
Edward: Uh, go to Italy and provoke the Volturi.
Bella: What’s that?
Edward: Uh, the Volturi are-
Mr. Berty: Now, would someone like to repeat the last few lines just to prove they were paying attention? Mr. Cullen?
Edward: Uh, yes Mr. Berty. “Oh here will I take my final rest, and shake the yolk of an auspicious star of this world. Eyes look your last. Arms, take their last embrace. Lips, the doors of the breath of life, seal with a righteous kiss.”
Mr. Berty: Eyes on the screen, people.
Edward: (In his house) The Volturi are a very old, very powerful vampire family. I guess they’re the closest thing to royalty my kind has.
Bella: Is that…Carlisle?
Edward: Yeah, he lived with them for a few decades. He described them as very refined, with no respect for human life, but respect for the sciences and arts, at least. They enforce the law.
Bella: Vampires have laws?
Edward: Not very many, and only one is regularly enforced.
Bella: Which one is that?
Edward: That we keep the existence of our kind a secret. We don’t make spectacles of ourselves…not unless you want to die.
Bella: You gotta stop talking about that. I can’t even think about someone hurting you.
Edward: Bella, the only thing that can hurt me is you. I don’t have anything else to worry about.
Bella: That’s not true.
Edward: Victoria? She’ll come for me one day. Alice will see her coming, and…we’ll be ready for her.
Bella: I could protect you…if you change me.
Edward: You’re my only reason to stay…alive…if that’s what I am. It’s my job to protect you, from everyone…except my sister.
Alice: It’s time, it’s time!
Emmett: Dating an older woman! What?
Esme: Happy birthday, Bella!
Alice: I found it in your bag. Do you mind? Show me the love! Let’s open presents!
Rosalie: Here. It’s a necklace. Alice picked it out.
Bella: Uh, thanks.
Alice: This one’s from Emmett.
Emmett: Already installed it in your truck. Finally a decent sound system for that piece of crap-
Bella: Hey, don’t-don’t hate the truck.
Alice: Open Esme and Carlisle’s next!
Carlisle: Just a little something to brighten your day.
Esme: We noticed you’ve been looking a little pale lately.
Bella: Ow! Paper cut.
Alice: (After Jasper tries to attack Bella) Jazz! Jazz, it’s okay! It’s just a little…blood…
Carlisle: Get Jasper out of here.
Alice: I’m sorry, I-I can’t…
Carlisle: I’ll have to stitch this up in my office. Edward, go talk to Jasper. He’ll be very upset with himself and I doubt he’ll listen to anyone but you. Edward, go.
Bella: (In Carlisle’s office) I didn’t want a party.
Carlisle: It’s not your fault.
Bella: How do you do it?
Carlisle: Years and years of practice.
Bella: Did you ever think of just…doing it the easy way?
Carlisle: No, I knew who I wanted to be. I wanted to help people. It brings me happiness. Now maybe I won’t be damned.
Bella: Damned? Like, to hell? Carlisle, you couldn’t be damned. It’s impossible.
Carlisle: Thank you, Bella. You’ve always been very…gracious of us.
Bella: So that’s it. That’s why he won’t change me?
Carlisle: Imagine the situation in reverse. If you believed as Edward did, could you take away his soul?
Bella: (In her truck) You can’t protect me from everything. Eventually, something’s going to separate us. It’s going to be and accident, or illness, or…old age. You’re not gonna want me when I look like a grandma.
Edward: Do you have any idea of my feelings for you at all? I think you should go inside.
Bella: It’s still my birthday. Can I ask for just one more thing? Kiss me. I love you.
Edward: I love you.
Edward: (In Bella’s yard) Come for a walk with me.
Edward: (After a walk in the forest) We have to leave Forks.
Edward: Carlisle’s supposed to be ten years older than he looks, and people are starting to notice.
Bella: Okay, I’ll have to think of something to say to Charlie… Wait, when you say we-
Edward: I mean my family and myself.
Bella: I’ll come with you.
Edward: Bella, I don’t want you to come!
Bella: You don’t…want me.
Bella: This changes things…a lot.
Edward: If it’s not too much to ask, will you promise me something? Don’t do anything reckless. For Charlie’s sake. And I’ll make you a promise in return. This is the last time you will ever see me. You can go on with your life, without any interference from me. It will be like…like I never existed.
Bella: If this is about my soul, take it, I don’t want it without you!
Edward: It’s not about your soul. You’re just not good for me.
Bella: I’m not good enough for you.
Edward: I’m just sorry I let this go on for so long.
Edward: Goodbye, Bella.
Bella: (After Edward leaves) Edward! Edward! Edward!
Charlie: (Outside his house) I’m gonna try the Cullen’s place again.
Billy: The Cullens left town, Charlie.
Harry: Good riddens.
Charlie: Where did they go?
Harry: We’ll find her, Charlie.
Sam: She’s all right.
Charlie: I got her. Thank you, Sam.
Bella: (In her bedroom) Alice. You’ve disappeared. When you left…and he left…you took everything with you. But the absence of him is everywhere. It’s like a huge hole has been punched through my chest. But in a way, I’m glad. The pain is the only reminder that he was real.
Charlie: (In his driveway) That’s it. You’re going to Jacksonville, to live with your mother.
Bella: I’m not leaving Forks.
Charlie: He’s not coming back, Bella. It’s just not normal, this behavior, and quite frankly it’s scaring the hell out of me. Go to Jacksonville, make some new friends.
Bella: I like my old friends.
Charlie: You never see them anymore, Bella.
Bella: Yes I do. I’m going shopping with Jessica on Saturday.
Charlie: You hate shopping.
Bella: I need a girl’s night…out.
Charlie: Okay, shopping! Go buy some…stuff.
Bella: Hey Jess, it’s Bella… Yeah, Bella Swan.
Jessica: (In town) I can’t believe we sat through that entire zombie movie and there were no hot guys kissing anybody. That’s gross. And why are there that many zombie movies anyway? Some girls like to shop. Not all girls, apparently, but I do. Like, I get your whole depression thing, I’m totally worried, but, it’s like, I have my own life, and…
Man: Hey, look what we found!
Edward Hallucination: Keep walking. This is dangerous.
Jessica: Dude, come on.
Bella: I-I think I know one of those guys.
Man: We got beer! You want a ride?
Jessica: Well, they seem great. Can we go?
Bella: Just let me see something.
Man: All right, we got a taker!
Edward Hallucination: Turn around.
Bella: Sorry, I thought you were somebody else.
Man: That’s okay, I’ll be who ever you want me to be. So, what do you say?
Edward Hallucination: You promised me nothing reckless.
Bella: And you promised it would be as if you never existed. You lied.
Man: Did you say something, honey? You know what, never mind.
Bella: Stop! Stop! Stop!
Jessica: Uh, hello, what did you think you were doing?
Bella: I thought I saw something.
Jessica: You thought you-oh. You’re insane, actually, or…suicidal.
Bella: That was such a rush.
Jessica: You want a rush? Okay, well you can go bungee jumping, you don’t just get on the back of some random dude’s motorcycle, are you crazy?
Bella: (In her truck) Alice. I saw him! I might be crazy, but if a rush of danger is what it takes to see him, then that’s what I’ll find.
Jacob: (At his house) Bella! Where have you been?
Bella: I brought you something.
Jacob: Scrap metal. You shouldn’t have.
Bella: I saved them from the junkyard. I figure they’ll cost more to fix than they’re worth, but if I had a mechanic friend-
Jacob: Ah, me being the mechanic type friend.
Bella: I get it if you think this is really stupid and reckless.
Jacob: It is completely stupid and reckless…when do we start?
Bella: Uh, now!
Bella: Oh, be careful, those are actually really…heavy… You really don’t look sixteen.
Jacob: Age is just a number, baby. What are you like, forty?
Bella: (In Jacob’s garage) If we’re going to do this everyday, then we need to get some kind of homework schedule, I don’t want Billy thinking I’m a bad influence on you.
Jacob: You influence me? Please.
Bella: Uh, I’m older than you, so that makes me the influencer and you the influencee.
Jacob: But I have the knowledge and skill, which makes me older than you, because of your general paleness and lack of know-how.
Bella: I convinced you to build two-wheel death machines, don’t you think that makes you kind of young and naïve?
Jacob: All right. So where does that leave us?
Bella: I’m thirty-five. You might be, like, thirty-two.
Jacob: Oh, come on. Oh, it’s okay. It’s just my boys. Bella, this is Quil and Embry.
Quil: I’m Quil Ateara.
Embry: So the bike-building story’s true, huh?
Quil: What about the part where you’re his girlfriend?
Bella: We’re friends.
Embry: Ooh, burn!
Jacob: Actually, I said she was a girl and a friend.
Quil: Embry, do you remember him making that distinction?
Jacob: Oh yeah? You think you’re funny, Ateara?
Embry: Five bucks on Quil.
Bella: You’re on!
Bella: (On a different day) Alice. I wish I had your real address. Then I could tell you about Jake. When I’m with him, the hole in my chest, it’s like it’s almost healed…until I’m alone.
Jacob: (In his yard) Quil keeps asking to come over. I think he likes you a little too much.
Bella: I don’t know, I’m not really into the whole cougar thing.
Jacob: What is it with you and age? I mean, how old was that Cullen guy, anyway?
Bella: (In her bedroom) But even Jake can’t keep the bad dreams away. (Screams)
Charlie: Whoa, hey, it’s okay. I thought this thing was starting to work… Bella, you’re happy when you’re with Jake. Well…sometimes you gotta learn to love what’s good for you. Of course, what do I know? I’m just a terminal bachelor. Famous ladies man! Get some sleep.
Jacob: (In Bella’s truck) If I told you that I couldn’t fix these bikes, what would you have said?
Bella: Are you doubting your mad skills?
Jacob: No, they’ll run fine, I just…wish I had dragged out the rebuild a little longer.
Bella: If you told me that you couldn’t fix these bikes, I would’ve said that that’s too bad, but we’ll have to find something else to do. Whoa! Did you see that?
Jacob: They’re not really fighting, Bella, they’re cliff diving! Scary as hell, but a total rush.
Jacob: Most of us jump from lower down. We leave the showing off to Sam and his cult. Embry used to call him a homo on steroids, and now look at him!
Bella: That’s Embry?
Bella: What happened to him?
Jacob: He missed some school, and all of a sudden he’s following Sam around like a little puppy. Same thing happened with Paul and Jared. Sam keeps giving me this look, like I’m next, and it’s really starting to freak me out.
Bella: You should just avoid him.
Jacob: I try.
Jacob: (In field with motorcycle) You look scared.
Bella: I’m not.
Jacob: (Trying not to laugh) All right. Brake, clutch. Now, slowly release the brake.
Edward Hallucination: Stop.
Jacob: Whoa…you all right?
Bella: I want to go again.
Jacob: What? Bella, wait! Bella, are you all right?
Bella: I want to go again.
Bella: I want to go again!
Jacob: No way, no more bikes. Oh, you hit your head!
Bella: Ow, oh, I’m sorry!
Jacob: You’re apologizing for bleeding? It’s just a little blood, Bella. No big deal.
Bella: You’re sort of beautiful.
Jacob: How hard did you hit your head?
Bella: I don’t know.
Angela: (In school cafeteria) It was huge, and jet-black. On all fours, it was still taller than a person. A bear, maybe?
Eric: I don’t know.
Angela: You believe me, right?
Eric: Of course I do, honey!
Jessica: No he doesn’t, he’s just trying to get lucky.
Angela: Well, I saw it.
Bella: You’re not the only one. Charlie’s been getting calls at the station, like, five hikers have been killed by some bear, but they can’t find the bear.
Mike: So, now that you’re talking and eating again, you know, gotta get some protein in there, do you wanna go see a movie or something?
Bella: Uh, sure.
Mike: Great! Well, let’s see, uh, we could check out Love Spelled Backwards is Love. You know, it’s a dumb title, but it’s a romantic comedy-
Bella: No romance. How about we see…Face…Punch, have you heard of that?
Mike: Yeah, I mean, that’s an action movie, but…
Bella: Yeah, guns, adrenalin, that’s my thing. We should get a bunch of people to go, hey guys, do you want to go see…Face Punch?
Eric: Oh yeah, Mike, we were supposed to see that! Face punch, punch faces!
Jessica: Movie night with Bella!
Jacob: (Outside theater) Face Punch, huh?
Mike: Uh, yeah.
Jacob: Mmm. I heard it sucks.
Mike: Hey aren’t you a little young to see this movie without, you know, adult supervision?
Jacob: Well, she’s buying my ticket, so…
Bella: Jessica bailed and Angela has the stomach flu, so Eric’s taking care of her. It’s just us three.
Man on Movie Screen: (In theater) Put your gun down, or I’ll blow your fricken head off!
Man on Movie Screen: You put your gun down, or I’ll blow your fricken head off!
Man on Movie Screen: Both of you put your guns down, or I’ll blow both of your fricken heads off!
Man on Movie Screen: Enough talk, let’s do this! (Screaming)
Mike: Okay, I think I’m gonna throw up!
Jacob: (In theater lobby) What a marshmallow! You should hold out for someone with a stronger stomach. Someone who laughs at the gore that makes weaker men vomit.
Bella: I feel bad, he probably has that flu that’s…going around…
Jacob: What, I can’t hold your hand?
Bella: No, of course you can, I just…think it means something different to you.
Jacob: You like me, right? And you think I’m sort of…beautiful?
Bella: Please, don’t.
Bella: Because you’re about to ruin everything…I need you, Jake. I know it’s really selfish, but…
Jacob: I know what he did to you, but Bella, I won’t ever, ever do that. I promise.
Mike: Well…I need to go home. I was feeling sick before the movie.
Jacob: Feeling sick? Maybe you need to go to the hospital. You want me to put you in the hospital?
Bella: Whoa, Jake, the movie’s over… You’re really hot…
Jacob: I don’t know what’s happening.
Mike: That guy is weird.
Bella: (In her living room) Hey, Jake, it’s me. Your dad says you have mono? He won’t let me visit, but could you call me? Hi, it’s me again, could you call me? Hey Jake, it’s Bella, I just wanted to hear your voice, so no pressure…
Bella: (At Jacob’s house) Hey! Jake! I thought you were too sick to come outside, or pick up the phone when I called!
Jacob: Go away, Bella.
Bella: You cut all your hair off? And…got a tattoo?!?
Jacob: I said go away.
Bella: Did Sam get to you?
Jacob: Sam is trying to help me, and I don’t blame him. Bella, we can’t be friends anymore.
Bella: You promised…
Jacob: I promised I would never hurt you, and this is me keeping that promise. Goodbye, Bella.
Charlie: (In his house) All right, we’ll be back around lunch…You know, I don’t have to go fishing today.
Harry: Yes you do.
Bella: Yeah, you do, don’t worry about me.
Bella: (In forest) Alice. I don’t see him anymore. With Jake gone, I need him now more than ever. I will find the place that I can see him.
Bella: (In meadow) Laurent!
Laurent: Bella! I am surprised to see you here. I stopped by to visit the Cullens, but the house is empty! Weren’t you a sort of…pet of theirs?
Bella: Yeah, I guess you could say that.
Laurent: Do the Cullens…visit often?
Edward Hallucination: Lie.
Bella: Yeah, absolutely.
Edward Hallucination: Lie better!
Bella: I’ll let them know you…stopped by. What are you doing here?
Laurent: I came as a favor to Victoria. She wanted me to see whether or not you were still under the protection of the Cullens. You see, she thinks it’s only fair for her to kill Edward’s mate, given he killed hers. Victoria won’t be happy about my killing you.
Edward Hallucination: Threaten him.
Bella: Edward would know who did it! He’ll come after you!
Laurent: I don’t think he will. I can’t help myself, you are so…mouthwatering…
Bella: Please, don’t-
Laurent: Shhh! Don’t be afraid! I am doing you a kindness! Victoria plans on killing you slowly…painfully… Whereas I will make it quick and easy. I promise, you feel nothing.
Bella: Edward, I love you. (Growling)
Bella: (In her house) Dad, I saw them! They’re not bears, they’re wolves! I mean they’re like, huge wolves!
Charlie: You were out in the woods? Bella, what were you doing out in the woods?
Bella: They were huge, and they were after…something…
Harry: You sure about that, Bella?
Bella: Yes, I saw them!
Charlie: All right. Well Harry, feel like going hunting?
Harry: Sure, I'll just, uh...
Bella: (In her thoughts) I know the wolves will be dead by now, and Laurent will have told her that the Cullens left...Victoria...
Charlie: Well, I better head down to the station.
Bella: Yeah, you should go.
Charlie: Just…stay here, okay?