Remember the part in Eclipse where Charlie Swan was trying to caution his full grown little girl Isabella about practicing safe sex with her boyfriend? At the time I reached that part in the book, I laughed out loud at the uneasy embarrassing awkwardness between the father and daughter who were neither good at people skills and had spent so little time together. However, I, as a mother of a fourteen-year-old, am now at the crossroad. My girl is beginning to notice the particular ways her male classmates are ogling her. She and I are very close. But sex is still something that a mother in my culture has trouble speaking about freely with her child. I am wondering if it is easier for mothers in other cultural and social settings? When did you get your first sex talk? How did it go? When did/will you talk about the "birds and the bees" with your eldest child?
Hello, ladies. This is a follow-up question, which hit me by surprise just a few days ago.
Who was the unexpected helper when you tried to have the talk with your kid?
My little girl at this point has not come to that part, yet! But I can see bits leading to that. This time it's not Seth...it's Edward. Okay, she knows Edward, Bella and Jacob. And she loves Alice. The whole Twilight, vampire and werewolf thing. One time I changed the photo in my desktop, it used to be her photo and me when she was 9 months old. I changed it to Robert Pattinson's. We'll you know me. lol When she saw that, she was completely hysteric. It was not one of those normal tantrums that a child would have but she loathes it. She was begging me to put our photo back. I was curious about her reaction. It's suppose to be, seeing her liking him, (Edward) like your daughter had with Seth but for her I think it was jealousy. She told my mom what I did. She even got my laptop and showed the photo to her grandma. Now, what she do is, every night when were about to sleep and say our goodnights. She would ask her dad and me to kiss and say goodnight. And we'll kiss her at the same time. One cheek for me and the other for her dad. It's kinda funny though but I know in time she would have to deal with it and by that time it's the right reaction. Is it right or wrong? I mean her reaction. Or is it an issue for security? You know, maybe she's afraid of me leaving her. I don't know. I'm still in the process of explaining and reassuring everything to her. Even her reaction to this. Guess if I change my desktop profile...I didn't! I want her to know and feel that no matter what that I love her. It was not going away not even with Robert Pattinson. huhuhu (just kidding!) Of course! No amount of love ever is greater that the love of a mother to her child. Am I missing something?
The reaction of your little girl was so endearing and tickling. She was actually feeling threatened by a mere photo on a desktop! LOL I wonder what her dad thought of this. Did he worry about your harmless crush? ^^
Okay. Back to my follow-up question. My girl worshipped her dad, my Edward. She loves the TTS books even thought LOTR and the HP series would be her all time favorite. She wasn't of age when Eclipse came out. This time around, she went to the movie with me. She enjoyed it a lot, gushed over the parts with Seth, and felt rather embarrassed over the honeymoon part. For her, the sex scenes went way too slow, taking too much time. I asked her whether she felt that way due to the cultural setting where we are--sex should be confined behind close doors, not shown on the big screen. And she did not really understand why Edward had to maintain so much self-control, making the private moment as well as the "movements" so slow.
And quite by accident, I got the best chance to go into the more sensitive part of the talk about the birds and the bees!
My hubby understands and supports me with my harmless crush. He never called my attention for this matter. He knows that this is beteween me and his daughter so he let take control over it. But when I need his help, his around. He trust me enough to handle the situation. My daughter's progress is in everyday process. I believe I am a witness to that.
I'm looking forward to that talk about birds and bees or birds and flowers, whatever! I'm sure I'm ready when the time comes.
Aww...your man is so sweet! I am so happy for you. ^^
I wish you the best of luck with the impending talk. You will definitely be much more ready than I was.
Thank you, Pei! This helps a lot. :)
A Barbie and Ken doll in a compromising position, left in the Barbie tent by her friend, which I found later. It was the catalyst for the conversation, when I asked her if she understood what they were doing. She thought they were just hugging. So I had to explain in a very technical "dummed down" medical sense, so as not to make her feel too uncomfortable. She took it well. No shock, just "oh....okay mommy....can I have something to eat now?"
ha ha ha
LOL Yes, of course! You mentioned about the Barbie doll couple before!
Well, I was one step away from the most graphic part. Just a few days before we saw the movie, my girl asked me and my Edward a question right in front of her eight-year-old little sister as we were having dinner. I almost choked over the mouthful of food. She was commenting on a scene in a movie she happened to catch a glimpse of on TV a little earlier. (The leading female character was bouncing on the bed to help a homosexual male friend appear to have gotten laid. As they were bouncing on the bed, a couple of friends of that male character's were eavesdropping outside. And they appeared to be impressed by what they heard. My Edward switched to his favorite sports channel after he noticed that my girl had her eyes on the screen, but not fast enough.) And my girl wanted to know if a bed would really make that much squeaky noise when a couple have sex; she also wanted to know if a couple would really make certain noises that other people would interpret as them having sex...
My mama had the sex talk w/ me and my brother when I was 8 and he was 6 but it was more along the lines being concerned w/ sexual abuse and inappropriate ways of another person touching us. My eldest girl is to turn 20 in June and I do believe she's still a virgin and believe me sisters mine it isn't wishful thinking, she is completely ignorant of the intimacy involved. Her stepmother and I must get our heads together in order to get her into a gynecologists office, she's yet to have that first visit. We will have to knock her over the head just to get her into a car! My younger daughter, she's 12, appears to be more mature when it comes to discussing intimacy w/ me or her father for that matter. Our 10 year old son is just plain silly about it. We always display physical affection in front of them, a pat on the rump, a kiss on the neck when I'm cooking, however, they lose it if I sit on his lap facing him. They start screaming and running around like a pack of dogs yelling out, "THE RITUAL, THE RITUAL, CLOSE YOUR EYES IT'S THE RITUAL!" They are a silly lot!
"Sex"....we are bombarded with in everyday.....yet, society still retains it's puritanistic/hypocritical views about it....Why? why... must we be afraid to discuss sex with our children....procreation is the essence of life...it's natural and a "Gift" when done in the context with someone you love. I really liked how the Twilight books/movies emphasized sex as a sacred act and could be essentially fantastic when expressed in committed relationship with someone you deeply love. Sex is not love...it's an extension of love. Waiting to have sex with the "right" person or your "soulmate" will only enhance the experience that much more and create an everlasting bond with your partner.
My children are 2, 5, and 8 years....and it's never too early to instill respect for your body and foster love for one's self(self esteem)in our children. I think when a child is confident in him or herself....choices will be easier to make/decide in their own best interest. A parent can only hold a child's hand for so long...it's up to us to provide the necessary tools to arm them against the obstacles of life. PEI, there is nothing to be embarrassed about speaking to your teen girl about the "BIrds and the BEES"....Just be open and honest...and be a resource for her...if she may want to ask you any questions.
I learned about sex...because I had 3 older sisters....and just had a unsatiable curiosity about life...and how "babies" were made. I read encyclopedias, medical books and tampon/pad pamphlets...and just put it all together. At age 10 years, I asked my mom explicitly how babies were made by collecting all my investigative data....and she said "yes"....how did you know that? I replied...it's it obvious???(ha). My mother...never had to sit down and talk with me about "sex"...cause I did the work for her.(ha). The point I'm making is....yes, I was a weird child...but also, felt safe to disclose such information with my mother. She pounded in my head...to respect your body....because if you don't ..no one else will. I guess...being armed with all my anatomy and physiology and self-proclaimed sex education made me sexually aware but very cautious at a very young age. As a Teen, I didn't engage in sexual activity not because of a lack of opportunity...but, because I wasn't emotionally ready to commit to such an intimate/emotional act with the opposite sex.(or to be hurt).
ONE My best friends in high school was a "boy"...I loved him dearly...and wanted to take our relationship further...but, never did(even in college), because I knew he wasn't ready to commit to me... at that deep of a level. THE KEY TO ABSTINENCE/BIRTH CONTROL is Education/knowledge and self-respect. Most teenage boys are not EDWARD CULLEN...and will take any opportunity to engage in sexual activity...especially, if there is a hot/willing Bella engaging them. It's the dang double standard that still prevails today....but, girls are the one's who get pregnant...and they carry the consequence for their choices. Boys are socialized differently than girls....and they shouldn't be!!!! There should be more Edwards in the world...unfortunately, the reality is... the typical man can separate sex from love. Edward assumed sex/love were synonymous...and should be expressed in the covenant of marriage/love only. Ha...don't we all wish Edward Cullen, the hot, virginal vampire..oozing with charm and grace really existed? . Instant Birth control...."maybe". I don't think I could have been strong enough to resist him...could you???? (ha).
Hello, DMK. ^^
Thank you for your input. You are right. How could any girl resist a hot, virginal vampire who oozes with charm and grace? LOL Then again, there is only one Edward Cullen and he happens to have already found his mate in the book. Ah well... ;)
At the end of the day, it is back to square one and up to us mothers to make sure that our girls would know how to protect themselves and our boys would understand the importance of respecting their female counterparts.