Remember the part in Eclipse where Charlie Swan was trying to caution his full grown little girl Isabella about practicing safe sex with her boyfriend? At the time I reached that part in the book, I laughed out loud at the uneasy embarrassing awkwardness between the father and daughter who were neither good at people skills and had spent so little time together. However, I, as a mother of a fourteen-year-old, am now at the crossroad. My girl is beginning to notice the particular ways her male classmates are ogling her. She and I are very close. But sex is still something that a mother in my culture has trouble speaking about freely with her child. I am wondering if it is easier for mothers in other cultural and social settings? When did you get your first sex talk? How did it go? When did/will you talk about the "birds and the bees" with your eldest child?
before i start ill say iv not read any replys to your post so im sorry if i say anything repeated :) and im from uk if that means anything,
i have a 9 yr old and i have noticed her "changing" IE mood swings sweating ect so only last week we had the period talk iv not gotten into the sex part cause hey 9!! but i dont think it will be long before i have to go into it with her, i started mine at 10 and my mum never had that chat with me so when it all started i was so scared i have 2 older sisters but there is a 13 and 10 yr age gap between us so we are not close but it did help at that time they talked to me explained everything i was going through and i instantly felf better/ "normal" about it, but iv never been close to my mum and i fully expect to be better at it with my own than she was.
so in my opinion if you are close with your daughter have the "talk" with her as soon as it might feel uncomfortable for you both but i'll bet at 14 she already knows a fair amount and you shouldnt feel the need to be in any way explicit, hope all goes/ went well
much love sarah x
Hello, Sarah. :)
Thank you for your input. It helps.
My girl and I have a very much different relationship than that between my mother and I when I was fourteen. It felt as if "the talk" between my girl and me made up for the one I did not get from my own mother...
Thanks again. ^^
Well I think I will start a little off topic first. See, like you I did laugh when I go to that part of the story. I was just as lost as Bella as to what was causing Edward to smirk. It was adorable and comical and understandable for all the reasons you mentioned. I think the topic is difficult in general for many but to have it be opposite genders would seemingly only add to the issues.
My personal situation was probably different than many. I was shown films in school that our parents had given the okay to have us see and discuss. All the females were together and males together each with teachers of their own gender. I think I was ten for the ‘cycle’ talk. I came home and told my mom about it and she answered with unease the few questions I had. Maybe a couple years later, we had the sex one. By then I did not ask questions because I was uncomfortable. So the cycle was past on from mother to daughter of being uncomfortable. It was not until college that I began to own my decisions proudly in that area. Prior I had not changed them but avoided the topic.
While we are from different cultures Pei, I think that my and my family's spiritual beliefs may connect you and me. It makes talking about this uncomfortable because you want to give the right information while expressing what an important part of growing up this is and all the responsibilities that come with this.
I think of it as all discussions. I do not think of a time or sit down, but just a natural flow. Whenever a child is wanting to know...they are to my mind, ready. If they are not asking, then there is no need to push this. I also think it is best to only answer what they ask and not what you think they are asking. Your ability to ask questions to know what they are really asking is helpful. It is not that I think it should be some secret as they all really must know, but every child is different and like all things they need to be able to understand it and all that it entails IF you want “the talk” to be most effective. All family’s are not alike either so you would want to be the one to inform your child as you want instead of bad info from the whispers and giggles between peers. To my mind, there is no way to have a child be completely confident if they do not know whatever they need to know. imho
Thank you, Pinkie. :)
You are right on all counts. ^^