Imitate a golden retriever whenever he walks past you.
Tell him that Bella told you that given the choice between him and a vampire, she would pick the vampire. Get Edward to back you up.
Tell him that you know some of his distant cousins. When he asks to know which ones, show him. Bring in your pet retriever.
Take him to the mall in the real world. Let him be beat up by Twilight fans. Ditch h…
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