KB Wolfe's Blog – February 2010 Archive (10)

Pay a drunken hillbilly to follow her around and track mud/cow poop/etc all over her house.

Tell her Carlisle left her for Edward…and Aro.

Write her life story. Make sure it’s filled with things like how she two-timed Carlisle with Jane and how she is single handedly responsible for Global warming and the decay of the ozone layer. Send it to everyone you can think of. Send Carlisle two copies. Oh, and don’t forget to tell everyone she wrote it.

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Tell him that Esme left him for a traveling circus clown.

Tell him that the only way to win her heart back is to dress up like a clown and sing the Canadian National Anthem, like her new boyfriend. Invite the WHOLE WORLD to come and watch! You will make a fortune on popcorn!

After the clown incident tell him that Esme left him for a hooker. A female hooker.

Tell him that Edward thinks he’s hot.

Send him some frilly pink lingerie. Tell…

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When he is making his evil plans to get Bella, randomly say things under your breath like “That’s not going to work"

Sign him up for anger management.…no one can deny he doesn’t need it

Force him to read about his death in Twilight. Cry and then laugh under your breath. Make sure he hears both.

Chase him around with garlic. Get Jacob Black to help.

Show him those love letters “Victoria” sent Edward.

Force him to play…

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Force him to read Alice slash and/or Jasper slash. When you’re done force him to write some. Note: It is advised you do not wear nice clothes because of the barfing hazard.

Send Alice gushy love notes from Mike, and make him read them all. Pay Mike to hit on Alice while she is with Jasper.

Get Alice and the rest of the Cullens to go someplace for the day. Don’t tell Jasper where Alice and Edward are. When he asks about them get all teary and say that they eloped…

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Tell her that Edward didn’t really kill James. James killed himself because he was tragically in love with Bella, but she loved another…

 

Mention that you think some counseling and yoga classes would do wonders for her temper. Take the liberty of signing her up for some classes.

 

In a casual conversation with her, say, “So are you like still obsessed with that James guy? I mean he is like so ugly. I totally don’t know what you ever saw in him.” Run.…

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take away all her left shoes



hide all her makeup brushes



take all lids off liquid makeup products



hide above listed items in La Push



Hide in La Push so she can’t “see” you



badly paint (or graffiti) her beloved yellow car



go through her closet with paintball guns, spray paint guns, chainsaw, or all 3…evil grin



let Jasper in on it and put him in some danger to distract Alice’s “eye”



tell her she’s… Continue

Tell him Barney doesn't exist



Remind him he has the least fangirls



Ask him how he feels as always being the youngest.



Stick a Hug Me sign on his back.



Steal his teddy bear; tell him to hug himself.



Tell him he has grizzly stuck inbetween his teeth.



one of Rosalie's admirerers that she has a crush on him, and get him to surprise kiss her... right infront of Emmett.



Ask him why none of his powers have intensified.When he… Continue

Tell her that Bella is a thousand times prettier than her.



Tell her that Emmett has a tattoo of Bella on his back.



Tell her Jacob has imprinted on her.



Ask her if Jasper and her are supposed to be twins, why is he better looking?



Follow her around all day when she asks what are you doing, say "I'm trying to figure out how a vampire could be so freaking ugly.



Walk in on her and emmett then sit between them and start reading a bedtime… Continue

Tell her that Edward left her for Jane.



Tell her that Jane dumped him.



Then he went to Victoria.



When she says, “Victoria’s dead!” say, “I know.” And walk away.



Put a fake dog tail in her sandwich at lunch



When she finds it say, “Poor Jacob…”



Give her a flier that says, “vampire slayers wanted.”



Steal her bracelet then go to school to show it off to Edward and say, “Look what Bella gave to me, she said she didn’t want… Continue

When he’s in his wolf form, steal his pants.



When he’s a wolf and not paying attention, shave all the fur on his rear end off.



Buy him a load of dog toys.



Follow him around singing loud and off-key, “Who let the dogs out? Who who who who!”



Paint his motorcycle hot pink



Put up missing dog posters with his name on them.



Lick your fingers and touch his chest, making a sizzling sound.



Ask him about Air Bud, his… Continue