Tie Bella to some railroad tracks. When he gets mad, say, "Wow! A little overprotective aren't we? I'm sure Jacob wouldn't mind."
Say, "HEY! Aren't you that guy from Harry Potter?!"
Use vampire expressions like, "Holy Dracula!" and "Goodbye Sweet Transylvania."
Visualize yourself naked.
Ask him to help you do something impossible (ex: Save the world.) When he says he can't, say, "I'm sure Jacob could help me."
When flying on an airplane, say, "If this plane crashes on an island, we'll eat Bella first."
Suggest that his life is too stressful. Recommend aromatherapy.Leave bloody, dead animals around him. Insist that you're helping with his aromatherapy.