Tell her Bella wasn't sure if she was Edwards daughter or Jaspers. (This one is super-duper because you'll have 4 angry vampires instead of one!)
When she walks in shove human food in her face and say "Bon Appetite". When she says she wants blood. Scream "YOU FAIL. 'HUMANS' (insert Air Quote here) EAT HUMAN FOOD. YOU'LL NEVER LEARN"
Ask her what's she going to name her puppies.
Tell her "Nessie? Did you know Jacob had a big crush on mommy, and tried to 'Wrestle' with her a lot?' Then tell her to go ask Jacob why he doesn't wrestle with her like he wanted to wrestle with mommy?"
Tell her "You know daddy's an old man, and mommy's not so old. So it's like you marrying Uncle Emmett. Do you want to marry Uncle Emmett? I heard he has a crush on you"
Give her werewolf blood to drink when she ask what kind of blood it is tell her Jacob Blood. Make sure you hide Jacob in Switzerland before you put this into action.
Shave her head in her sleep.
Tell her to go ask Emmett if he can have 'The Talk' with her.
When she walks in the room shriek "AHHHH THE LOCH NESS MONSTER!"
Tell her Carlisle and Esme are not her real grandparents. Alice and Rosalie are not her real aunts, and Emmett and Jasper are not her real Uncles. Then say "So basically you have nobody in your life but your parents and 2 of your grandparents, Sucks for you."