The Twilight Saga

1. Throw a stick and tell him to go fetch it
2. When he doesn't get the stick, say, "What kind of dog are you?"
3. Tell him he needs a haircut and take him to the pet groomers
4. But him a shock collar and press the button every time he swears
5. Give him a muzzle
6. Go cliff diving without him
7. Wait for him to come save you when you start drowning
8. When he askes why you didn't just swim and save yourself tell him you didn't know how to doggie paddle and ask if he can teach you
9. When you get out of the lake, insist that he needs to give you CPR
10. When he leans down to give you CPR, hold your nose and make a crack about him smelling like a wet dog
11. Kiss him...
12. ...then punch him in the face...
13. ...then start crying and blame him for breaking your hand
14. Ask him if he has rabies
15. Follow him around singing "Who let the dogs out? Who? Who? Who? Who?"
16. For his birthday but him a dog toy and some dog treats
17. Ask him why he doesn't sparkle in the sun
18. Then when he goes to bed dump glitter glue all over him
19. Ask him if he has fleas
20. Tell him you know the "real" reason why all of the La Push Guys are so close
21. Wink when you do # 20
22. Tell him to go fetch a space heater
23. Ask him to get you a Coke from the fridge and when he does pat him on the head and say, "Good Boy"
24. If he doesn't get you the soda, hit him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper
25. Tell him Edward's hotter
26. Tell him that maybe he would get more girls if he was a vampire
27. Get him a book called "Imprinting for Dummies"
28. Make him read the first part of Breaking Dawn
29. Walk behind him for a while, constantly touching his butt
30. When he gets mad, tell him you're looking for his tail
31. Compare the number of Edward fans to Jacob fans
32. Go into his bathroom and replace his shampoo with flea shampoo
33. Tell him he's the love child of Remus Lupin and Sirius Black (since he's a werewolf and his last name's Black)
34. When you can't find him, sing "Oh where oh where has my little dog gone?"
35. Dress up like a vampire for Halloween and go trick or treating in La Push
36. Tell him real men sparkle in the sun
37. Invite him over to your house for dinner and serve dog food
38. When he gets mad at you, mad a sad face by bulging your eyes and sticking out your lower lip
39. When he asks what you're doing, say you're trying to do puppy eyes
40. Put up missing dog posters with his name on them
41. Paint his motorcycle hot pink
42. Start sneezing constantly whenever you're around him, then say you must be allergic to dogs
43. Ask him if Edward dazzles him
44. When he comes to your house, put the toilet seat down, and tell him that you have to be careful that he doesn't drink from it
45. Lick your finger and touch his chest, making a sizzle sound
46. Every time he says something, respond with, "Sure, sure"
47. Tell him that his being half naked bothers you...and that you would rather see Edward half naked
48. Ask him if he's going to Edward and Bella's wedding
49. Beat him at a board game and say, "Second place again, Jake?"
50. Count how many of these you actually get through before he phases and rips you to shreds

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Comment by mrs.cullen on October 12, 2009 at 6:54am
*lol* so funny
Comment by ღNɛssiɛ Cαrℓiɛღ on October 7, 2009 at 4:14pm
*laughs* Oh my gosh! Hilarious!
Comment by Michaela Cullen/Black on October 2, 2009 at 6:49pm
i love tht u should send it to me: )

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