"And when it rains you always find an escape, just running away, from all of the ones who love you, from everything. You made yourself look bad at the bottom of the blackest hole." - Paramore "When It Rains"
Hunter's face stared down at me. His eyes bearing down on me and crushing me with the weight of his thoughts. I turned my head to escape the weight of his stare, but I craved to see his eyes. They weren't the same as they were before. I could still remember when they were their beautiful light blue color.
As I turned back to look at him, I thought I caught a glimpse of his blue eyes, but as I looked again, they were golden. My hearts pace slowed down as I realized that I was wrong. His eyes made him seem like a liar. They deceived me and led me on and made me think things would go back to the way they were, when everything wasn't complicated. When vampires were just fairytales and weren't on the verge of killing me or at least threatening my life. When I didn't have to think of the future, I only had to think of right now.
Hunter's hand lightly rested on my cheek suddenly. I could hear his cold breath catch. His lips tightened and he stopped breathing. He stepped away from me and let his hand fall from my face.
"I can't do this," he whispered.
"Why not?" I smiled up at him.
His eyes shifted from side to side. "Your heart beat… it's too much. It's weird, I know, but… it's too strong for me. I can't touch you without… feeling the need to… to…"
His head fell slightly and he let out a deep breath. His nostrils flared as he breathed again and stopped short.
"I understand…" I whispered as I reached onto my tiptoes to kiss him. His hands rested on my shoulders and forcefully shoved me back. I kept my balance, but as I turned my head up towards him, his face turned angry.
"When I said I couldn't, I meant I can't kiss you either!" he screamed.
I stood there, shocked. I couldn't move, I could barely breathe. I was afraid to look him in the eye. I had never been screamed at before, especially not by someone I loved.
"I'm sorry… I-I didn't know…" I whispered.
I looked at the ground to check my footing and see if it was balanced, then I slowly turned towards my front porch. I froze for a moment before I was fully facing my door and made sure he wouldn't do anything else. I slowly trudged up the steps, I could hear him breathing behind me. I thought he mumbled something under his breath, but at this moment, I honestly didn't care.
The closer I came to my front door the faster my steps were. No matter how fast I was, I could never have outran him.
He beat me to the door and blocked my way. He didn't look at me as he spoke, and for that I was thankful.
"I'm sorry… I was afraid I couldn't… control myself…"
"You've controlled yourself so far."
"It gets… more difficult with each time."
His voice drew me in closer. I didn't realize how close I was until he snarled warningly, quietly. I readjusted myself and stared at his muscular chest that seemed to be pumping harder than usual. "I'm sorry…" I whispered.
I turned for my window and shoved it open. I lifted my leg in carefully and shifted my weight. I slid my other leg inside and closed the window behind me. I locked one side, knowing well in my mind that would never have stopped Hunter. I flopped on my bed, hoping he would understand the nature of me putting myself in solitude and not bother me. Even though I felt like this was all my fault, I still needed my alone time. But I knew I shouldn't have believed that he would respect that.
I heard a loud tap on my window. I ignored it the first few times.
"Sarah… come on… I'm sorry…"
"Okay," I mumbled. "Just leave me alone for a bit."
I heard the latch of the window and then I felt his cold hand on my back.
"Sarah, you know this is difficult for me…"
I sat up quickly. Hunter's face was closer than I expected, but I held my composure so I wouldn't lose power as I spoke.
"You didn't have to yell…" My words were supposed to be strong, but they came out sounding weak. "I don't want things to end how they… started really."
"But we're not ending, really we just started…" his face turned away from mine.
"I don't think almost ten months is just the start of a relationship!" I screamed, feeling a little outraged by his nonchalance of our relationship. He acted like he could just toss me out of the window at any second and go on to someone else in two seconds flat.
His eyes grew wide. "That's not what I meant - I meant that… for all of the time we have left, it seems like our relationship is just beginning. I'm not meaning to be rude when I ask this, but… what's wrong with you? You're acting like a crazy, overthinking, overprocessing girl. You've never acted like that, ever." He lightly caressed my cheek and his eyes softened. "You were different. You didn't care. I could tell your thoughts were, "I'll trust them to do what they want to do and leave me to do what I want to do," but you're not acting that way now. What's different?!"
"There's nothing different… maybe you're different…" I didn't know what was wrong with me either, I just threw his question back at him. I was still hung up on him yelling at me. "Just leave me alone… please," I begged.
"Okay," his voice was barely above a whisper and very pained.
I felt bad for kicking him out, but I needed to be alone right now, he was aggravating me too much. I heard the latch on the window and then nothing but the sound of the wind.
Hunter knew my love for the summer air and wind, so I guessed he left the window open for me. I felt a stronger breeze fan my face than before, but I didn't hear the trees react. I turned around to see the tanned muscular boy, Jacob, sitting on my bed. I didn't know what to think, but I kept my composure.