Chapter 2 of Bella's POV
I sat on the couch wondering who would come back to me, the weird thing about it was that I wanted Jacob to come back more than I wanted Edward to. Maybe because I haven't seen Jacob for so long. He was my best friend that I fell in love with, I choose Edward over him because I did not love him enough like I did with Edward. But still I wanted him around, how can I explain that to Edward? I seen the look on his face, wondering how can I be so happy to see him, but still it made him happy. I have been dreaming about Jacob in my sleep and he can tell I missed him but the feeling was more than that. I was being drawn to Jacob for some weird reason. I just wanted him around more than Edward I didn't love him more than Edward, I just wanted him around. I wanted Jacob to just be there for me.
Edward came in first followed by Jacob to my surprise I didn't think that he would have came back to see me. Jacob hesitated in the doorway as if he had something on his mind, but wasn't sure how he should say it. Almost as if he was nervous about what he and Edward talked about. Edward walked into the middle of the huddle, where his family stood anxious to what he was going to say. I hated everyone being like this. Me being pregnant was ripping the family apar,t my other best friend/ sister-in-law ,Alice, could not stand to be around me I was giving her headaches. Like such a thing can exist with vampires.
"We're going to let Jacob and Bella speak privately," Edward said in his cold tone that made me fear him. I watched his face to read some meaning behind it, but I couldn't tell.
"Over my pile of ashes," Rose hissed at Edward. She placed her cold hand against my cheek.
Edward didn't look at her. "Bella," He said still in his cold tone. "Jacob wants to talk to you. Are you afraid to be alone with him?"
I looked at Jacob, confused that he wanted to talk to me I was sure that he had nothing to say to me. I looked at Rose. " Rose, it's fine. Jake's not going to hurt us. Go with Edward."
"it might be a trick," Rose warned me.
"I don't see how," I responded sure of myself, I knew Jacob wouldn't hurt me, he loved me to much to try.
"Carlisle and I will always be in your sight, Rosalie," Edward said with his emotions coming out. "We're the ones she's afraid of."
It hurt my feelings he would think that. "No," I said in a whisper. i was about to cry because I can tell right then when he said that how much I was hurting his feelings. As much as I tried to hold back the tears they were forming in my eyes. "No Edward I'm not..." I couldn't finish.
Edward shook his head, smiling a little. "I didn't mean it that way, Bella. I'm fine. Don't worry about me." He tried to reassure me, but his face can't hide how he actually feel. "Everyone," his hand motioned towards the door. "Please."
They moved to fast out the door in their inhuman speed, Rose hesitated in the middle of the floor. "Rose," I said quietly. "I want you to go." Rose looked at Edward nodded for him to go first, he did then she followed after. As soon as we were alone Jacob crossed the room and sat on the floor next to me. He took both my cold hands in his and started rubbing the carefully trying to be extra gentle. I must looked more fragile then I thought. "Thanks, Jake. That feels good."
"I'm not going to lie, Bells. You're hideous." Jacob said in his husky voice.
"I know," I sighed, looking in his eyes I can tell he was hurting to see me like this so I tried to sound a little up beat. I'm scary-looking."
He picked up on my mood. "Thing-from-the-swamp scary."
I laughed. "It's so good having you here. It feels nice to smile. I don't know how much more drama i can stand."
Jacob rolled his eyes.
"Okay, Okay, I bring it on myself." I agreed.
"Yea you do. What are you thinking, Bells? Seriously!"
I was so happy to see him I didn't think it would turn so said so soon. "Did he ask you to yell at me?"
"Sort of. Though I can't figure why he thinks you'd listen to me. You never have before." He responded.
"I told you-," he started to say before I interrupted him.
"Did you know that 'I told you so' has a brother, Jacob? His name is 'Shut the hell up'."
I grinned at him. " I can't take credit, I got it off a rerun of The Simpsons."
"Missed that one."
"It was funny."
We didn't talk for a minute, my hands started to warm up.
"Did he really ask you to talk to me?"
He nodded. "To talk some sense into you. There's a battle that's lost before it starts."
"So why did you agree?" He didn't respond by the look on his face I could tell Edward had him convince that I wasn't going to live. "It'll work out, you know, I believe that."
Jacob face turned red. "Is dementia one of your symptoms?" He snapped.
I laughed even though his anger was real. "Maybe, I'm not saying things will work out easily, Jake. But how could I have lived through all that I've lived through and not believe in magic by this point?"
"Especially for you," I pulled my hands away from his and touched his cheek, I didn't want to but something inside me needed to touch him. "More than anyone else, you've got some magic waiting to make things right for you." Jacob probably thought I was crazy but I felt it inside me. The girl he been waiting for was coming soon.
"What are you babbling about?"
I was still smiling. "Edward told me once what it was like-your imprinting thing. He said it was like A Midsummer Night's Dream, like magic. You'll find who you're really looking for, Jacob, and maybe then all this will make sense."
He growled at me. "If you think that imprinting could ever make sense of this insanity..." I can tell he was struggling for the words. "Do you really think that just because I might someday imprint on some stranger it would make this right" He jabbed a finger at me. "Tell me what the point was then, Bella! What was the point of me loving you? What was the point of you loving him? When you die how is that ever right again? What's the point to all the pain? Mines. yours, his! You'll kill him, too, not that I care about that." I flinched I know where he would go, what he would do the moment my heart stops beating. " So what was the point of your twisted love story, in the end? If there is any sense, please show me, Bella, because I don't see it."
I sighed. " I don't know yet, Jake. But I just.. feel... that this is all going somewhere good, hard to see as it is now. I guess you could call it faith."
Jacob was almost snarling the words out. "You're dying for nothing, Bella! Nothing!"
My hands dropped to my stomach. "I'm not going to die," I responded through my teeth. Both Jacob and Edward don't think that I'm not strong enough to survive my baby. My little nudger. "I will keep my heart beating. I'm strong enough for that."
"That's a load of crap, Bella. You've been trying to keep up with supernatural for too long. No normal person can do it. You're not strong enough." He took my face in his hands.
"I can do this. I can do this," I muttered trying to keep calm. I had faith that only me and Rose, had no one believed us.
"Doesn't look like it to me. So what's your plan? I hope you have a good one."
I nodded meeting his eyes. "Did you know Esme jumped off a cliff? When She was human, I mean." The look on his face let me know that he didn't understand.
"So she was close enough to dead that they didn't even bother taking her to the emergency room-they took her right around to the morgue. Her heart was still beating, though, when Carlisle found her..."
"You're not planning on surviving this human."
"No. I'm not stupid." He met my stare. "I guess you probably have your own opinion on that point, though."
"Emergency vampiization." He mumbled finally understanding how I was going to survive.
"It worked for Esme. And Emmett, and Rosalie, and even Edward. None of them were in such great shape. Carlisle only changed because it was that or death. He doesn't end lives, he saves them." The look on his face was of guilt.
"Listen to me, Bells. Don't do it that way." He took a deep breath. " Don't wait until it's too late, Bella. Not that way. Live. Okay? Just Live. Don't do this to me. Don't do it to him." His voice got louder. " You know what he's going to do when you die. You've seen it before. You want him to go back to those Italian killers?
I cringed at the thought of the Volturi killing Edward. Their hands around his neck, it was not a thought I wanted to face. But Jacob was right as soon as my heart stop beating he will die to be with me.
Jacob's voice got softer, "Remember when I got mangled up by those newborns? What did you tell me?" I tried to think about what I had told him before I could speak he responded. "You told me to be good and listen to Carlisle. And what did I do? I listened to the vampire. For you."
I could tell where he was going with this, but I was not going to kill my little nudger. "You listened because it was the right thing to do."
"Okay, pick either reason."
"It's not the right thing now, I wont kill him."
His hands shook again. "Oh, I hadn't heard the great news. A bouncing baby boy, huh? Shoulda brought some blue balloons." Jacob said with much sarcasm.
Again I was hurting him. I deserved what ever was coming for me all the pain that is to come. This trip to see me was killing him but it's what I want to see him, to have him around. "I don't know he's a boy, the ultrasound wouldn't work. The membrane around the baby is too hard, like their skin. So he's a little mystery. But I always see a boy in my mind."
It's not a pretty baby in there, Bella."
"You wont." Jacob said in a snarl.
"You're very pessimistic, Jacob. There is definitely a chance that I might walk away from this." He looked down and breathed deep and slow. This was hurting him too much to be here. I wanted to know what he was thinking, but I can pretty much guess what he was thinking. "Jake," I said as I patted his hair. "It's going to be okay.Shh. It's okay."
He didn't look up, "No it will not be okay." He started to cry. I wiped a tear from his eye.
" What's the deal, Bella? I thought the whole point was that you wanted your vampire more than anything. And now you're just giving him up? That doesn't make any sense. Since when are you desperate to be a mom? If you wanted that so much, why did you marry a vampire?"
I sighed. "It's not like that. I didn't really care about having a baby. I didn't even think about it. It's not just having a baby. It's... well... this baby." Having his baby, I couldn't say it aloud not to Jacob.
"It's a killer, Bella. Look at yourself."
"He's not. It's me. I'm just weak and human. But I can rough this out, Jake, I can-" He cut me off before I could finish.
"Aw, come on! Shut up, Bella. You can spout this crap to your bloodsucker, but you're not fooling me. You know you're not going to make it." The fury in his voice was shocking.
"I do not know that. I'm worried about it, sure." Of course I was worried, I didn't know what was to come. My future was unknown especially to Alice.
"Worried about it." Jacob was speaking through his teeth.
His movement shot a pain through my stomach, Jacob looked worried. "I'm fine, it's nothing." I pulled my sweatshirt to the side to see my stomach, it was covered in blue and purple bruises. When I looked at his face I could see the horror on his face. I yanked my shirt back over my stomach. Jacob face matched Edward's, I can tell he was worried just the same. "He's strong, that's all."
"Bella." His voice was much calmer."Don't do this."
"Jake." I started to protest.
"Listen to me. Don't get your back up yet. Okay? Just listen. What if..." he trailed off I can tell he was a little nervous. But I was confused what did he mean by what if.
"What if what."
"What if this wasn't a one-shot deal? What if it wasn't all or nothing? What if you just listened to Carlisle like a good girl, and kept yourself alive?"
The one thing I feared was giving in and getting an abortion. "I won't-" He interrupted before I could say my point.
"I'm not done yet. So you stay alive. Then you can start over. This didn't work out, Try again." Was he crazy, Edward would not be willing to try again.
Edward wants this thing out of me more than anyone else, he wouldn't let me try again. "I don't understand... What do you mean, try again? You can't think Edward would let me...? And what difference would it make? I'm sure any baby-"
"Yes." He snapped. "Any kid of his would be the same."
"What." I was shocked what was he saying. That I should have a child by someone else. And then it hit me. "Oh. Ugh. Please, Jacob. You think I will kill my baby and replace it with some generic substitute? Artificial insemination? Why would I want to have some stranger's baby? I suppose it just doesn't make a difference. Any baby will do." How could he think I would do such a thing. I must be hurting Edward more than I thought. He was really trying to give me a better way to do this. I couldn't even be mad at him for it.
"I didn't mean that, not a stranger." he muttered.
I leaned forward trying to look deep in his eyes for an understanding. "Then what are you saying?"
"Nothing. I'm saying nothing. Same as ever." I heard the irritation in his voice.
"Where did that come from?" Jacob wasn't making any sense, he was keeping something. I thought back through his words. Edward had to tell him to convince me otherwise.
"Forget it Bella."
I couldn't keep it inside I had to know was this what him and Edward was talking about outside. "Did he tell you to say that?
"No." I could tell he was lying.
"He did, didn't he?" I didn't like being lied to or with held information. Jacob would tell me just to get him in trouble.
"No, Really. He didn't say anything about artificial whatever."
"He would do anything for me. And I'm hurting him so much.... But what is he thinking? That I would trade this for some stranger's..." I couldn't imagine myself loving another child just as mush as I love out baby. this is the baby we made together our little nudger. When EJ gets here he will love him just as much as I did. I was half listening to Jacob talk, all I could think about was not a stranger. It echoed in my head as he spoke.
"You don't have to hurt him, You could make him happy again, Bella. And I really think he's losing it. Honestly, I do."
"Not a stranger?" I mummered to myself. "What exactly did Edward say to you?" His facial expression had the flood of information flood in. Edward was going to give me up so that I wouldn't have to suffer any more.
"Nothing. He just thought you might listen to me."
I wondered if he would tell me. "Not that. About trying again."
My eyes locked on his to see if he would fold. "Nothing."
My mouth fell open. "Wow." He care soo much. "He really would do anything, wouldn't he?" I should have seen it coming.
"I told you he was going crazy. Literally, Bells."
Who would have guessed that Edward would go so far as to give me up so I could live through a healthy pregnancy with Jacob as the father. Jacob wanted me to live just as much as Edward. I know this has to be killing him to offer himself to me, he must have know I would reject him. "I'm surprised you didn't tell on him right away. Get him in trouble."
"Thought about it." Jacob knew I still wouldn't change my mind, I was with Edward noting was going to change that.
But still Jacob would hurt him self to see me live. Could I do this to Edward, give him up, I worked so hard to keep him. I couldn't give him up to have a child with my best friend who I loved. "There isn't much you wouldn't do for me, either, is there? I really don't know why you bother. I don't deserve either of you."
"It makes no difference, though, does it?" He was right, I would still to choose Edward.
"Not this time. I wish I could explain it to you right so that you would understand. I can't hurt him," pointing at my stomach. "any more than I could pick up a gun and shoot you. I love him."
"Why do you always have to love the wrong things, Bella?"
I became defensive. "I don't think I do."
"Trust me." He started to get to his feet.
"Where are you going?" I didn't want him to leave just yet. I wasn't done spending time with him, I knew once he left he wasn't coming back.
"I'm not doing any good here?" He was right, but I still wanted him to stay.
"Don't go." I reached out limply holding up my hand too tired to do any more, too weak.
"I don't belong here. I've have to get back."
"Why did you come today?" He had to give me a reason, I really didn't care I just wanted him to stay longer.
"Just to see if you were really alive. I didn't believe you were sick like Charlie said." Of course he had to prove them wrong to start a war. I can tell he was still wanted to leave.
"Will you come back again? Before.."
"I'm not going to hang around and watch you die, Bella." The words stung, but it was like him to always tell me the truth. To Keep it honest to me.
"You're right, you're right. You should go." He stalked to the door. "Bye. Love you, Jake." He answered me in his sarcastic answer he always used.
"Sure, Sure." He mumbled as he left out the door.
I started to cry, I didn't cry long before Edward was there by my side wiping the tears from my eyes. I wanted to tell him about the talk I had with Jacob. I knew he already knew because the conversation was still easy for him to hear. I love Edward too much to kill our child for one with Jacob. It wouldn't be the same I didn't love Jacob enough. I tried to sleep with Edward laying at my feet.