Do you know why I always listen to music with headphones on my ears and the volume in maximum? It's not just because I want to be totally entertained, but because, even for just a brief moment, even if it's just temporary, I want to be deaf of the sounds around me. To not hear the loud screams, the wrong accusations, the fights, the argues about problems, money, and family is almost like heaven to me. Now, even the musical laughters of little children have bothered me a lot lately. It bothers me not because it is unpleasant, but because it always make me think if they're laughing with me or their laughs are about me. It's so hard to choose who to trust and it dreaded me that those people I hesitate on trusting are the ones close to me.
Do you know why I love to wear blindfolds a lot? It's because , even just for a brief moment, even if it's just temporary, I want to be blind of the things around me. To not see them shout at each other, to not see how they wrongly accuse each other, to not see how they fight, how they argue about problems, money, and family is almost like paradise to me. Now, I see bright, beaming faces in front of me but I'm scared that if I turn my back, they will change it to expressions, I promise, I wouldn't want to see.
As I wear my headphone and blindfold, other people might think that I am in my own world. To be honest, that's what I really want-a world of my own where I would not be able to hear things that i don't want to hear or to see things that my eyes would probably cry for; Where I could live as innocently as possible; Where I don't need to act strong though inside I'm detoriating; Where I can proudly say that it's safe to live here; And where I can truly be happy, surrounded by people I will never hesitate to trust and people that will never change their reactions and stay true infront or behind me.
Though there's so much I want to lose, I still want to keep my voice, so when the time comes when it gets too much, I will be able to tell them to stop, to listen to the words coming out of their mouths, to look at their faces and carefully observe what creature they're becoming-or better yet, what they've become. With my words, I want to make them realize that they're not the only ones affected by there actions. With my words, I want to make them feel how pleasant it is when it's quiet. With my words, I want to make them realize how a brief moment, how a temporary silence and darkness can change their perspective in life as it changed mine.