Right now, at this point in time I am many emotions.
Angry, excited, restless, loved, confused, stressed, ugly, composed, argumentative and sad.
I’m angry because the people who I thought were my best friends and would always be there for me have just ridiculed me in a conversation on msn.
I’m excited because its Friday and I’ve got plans for every single day of the weekend. Plus I’m off school on Monday. Twilight day maybe? Also, in a few hours me and Nicola are going to the cinema. I look forward to these weekly cinema trips all week.
I’m restless for many reasons. Mainly because I need to get ready for going to the cinema tonight, even though I’m not leaving for a while yet. Also because I want to scream at the top of my lungs. A feeling I always constantly have, an unwanted companion of mines.
I feel loved because all of my true friends are going mental about the whole Craig, Gary, Dean and Callum conversation. There all standing by me. Something I really need right now.
I’m confused because, well, life is generally confusing. Well my life is confusing anyway…
I’m stressed because my English folio is due in at the end of this month. I need a one. This is the only subject I’m guaranteed a one in. That I need a one in. That I want a one in.
I feel ugly because, well, when you get called ugly. You generally start to feel ugly.
I’m feeling composed because I’m keeping myself together. Even though I want to scream into a pillow right now, or better yet, smack people in the face, I’m not. I’m breathing.
I feel argumentative because if anyone says anything cheeky to me or looks at me in a condescending way I will happily rip there heads off…with arguments. Of course.
I’m sad because right now, my life is spiralling at 100 miles per hour into a pit of unhappiness and depression. Too many changes are happening and I hate it. Why can’t life just stop. For one second. And in that second I can decide what it is that’s missing in my life, decide what I want to do with my life. If that’s even possible to do in one second…
So basically, I hold too many emotions for one 15 year old girl. I’m like a ticking bomb. Ready to explode at any minute. That’s probably why people don’t get very close to me. And if they do, they’ve got issues.
Megan Cullen. xxx