Just because pain is self inflicted doesn't make it any less real. Psychosomatic illnesses are real illnesses just ask anyone with an ulcer.
In New Moon(NM), Bella didn't just loose a man. She lost a best friend. She lost a family. And she lost a life.
When she first showed up in Forks, Charlie was the only person she knew. She made acquaintances in the school, but no real friends. Jessica is too petty and jealous to be a real friend. Angela is too shy to step up to be the kind of friend that Bella really needs. Mike is too interested in her romantically to be a good friend. Billy won't let Jacob go see Bella because of Edward; so that, he can become the friend for her in Twilight that he will become in NM. Alice, who fell in love with Bella in a sisterly way based upon her visions of the future before they ever met, became that friend for her. It was Alice that helped her through her awkward convalescence. The kind of friend that can help you shower is a friend indeed.
Carlisle was like a second father to her and Esme a second mother. Even Emmett was like the big brother that she had always wanted. Bella knew that when she became a vampire, she would have to say goodbye to her real family, and was beginning to fit nicely into the Cullen family with the exception of Rose. Remember at the end of Twilight after Edward told Bella that Emmett and Jasper had to leave the room because there was a lot of blood, she noted that Carlisle and Alice stayed. Edward told her, "They love you, too, you know."
Once Bella makes a decision she sticks with it. In many ways she is as unchanging as a vampire. She had chosen to become a vampire and the spend the rest of eternity with the Cullens. She was cutting ties with the human world and was making preparations to say goodbye to life, friends, and family as she knew it and embark on this brave new world.
You can say that it was unhealthy for her to allow herself to become so totally involved with the Cullens that they became her life. And under normal circumstances you would be absolutely correct. But these are not normal circumstances. The Cullens are vampires. They must protect their secret at all costs. When Bella became part of their world she took up the responsibility to protect their secret as if her life depended upon it as much as theirs did. This required her to make certain sacrifices that would be completely unreasonable under normal circumstances. Sacrifices that she was more than willing to make.
And then suddenly it was all gone. No Edward. No Alice. No Carlisle. No Esme. No Emmett. No Nothing. And her pain was wrapped up in a secret which she could not share with anybody. She couldn't share with Charlie, Rene, Angela, or anybody else the fullness of her pain. She could never explain to anybody what she had lost and why she had lost it. She was utterly and completely alone. Or at least she felt that way.
Charlie was useless. I really love his character, and I understand why he never learned to be father, but he had no idea how to help her. Rene was too far away. If Bella had been living with Rene, she would have never let Bella walk around as a Zombie for over four months. Angela didn't have the courage to confront Bella. I am sure she tried. I am sure that she called and called, but she eventually gave up. A stronger person would have gotten right into her face and confronted her. And it is a real shame too, because if Angela could have engaged her father, together they may have been able to really help her.
Bella is still pathetic. But she isn't some spineless jelly fish who can't have a life without a man. If Edward had left and not taken Alice, she probably would have been hurt but it wouldn't have been as bad. Actually she would have probably been just fine because Alice would have told her not to worry he is coming back he can't stay away from for long. If it had been Angela who was the kind of friend that could help her shower. The kind of friend that she could share her deepest darkest secrets with, then Bella would have been much better. When Edward left her, he didn't just take her pictures and her birthday presents. He took everything.
Bella wasn't crying just because she was loosing Jacob Black. She was crying because she hurt him. She was crying because she was taking his best friend from him, and she knows exactly how horrible that feels. She never wanted to do to somebody else what Edward had done to her, but she was doing exactly that to Jacob Black. She had seen what her life with him would have been like. A life with Charlie and Rene. A life with children. She didn't think that she had wanted that, but she found that she wanted it really badly. But she knew who she could not live without. And even though it hurt her, she was willing to make that sacrifice. I know that you never fell in love with Jacob Black, but you have to acknowledge that Bella did. I think that if you reread NM you might begin to see a little bit of what Bella saw in Jacob and understand a little better. If the only picture you have in your head of Jacob is the Jerky Jacob of Eclipse, it is little wonder that you can't appreciate Bella's pain in hurting him. The Jerky Jacob of Eclipse deserved nothing but the business end of a baseball bat. But Bella saw past that to her Jacob. The sweet boy who had patiently pulled her back the brink of the abyss. The one friend with whom she could share her deepest darkest secrets. The one who had loved her when she wasn't so human herself.
I believe that we have to look at the price Bella was willing to pay more than just the price she actually paid. She has no idea going into this how easy this would turn out. I give her credit for taking the steps in spite of the higher price that she thought that she would pay. It is like when Abraham offered Isaac as a sacrifice. God stopped him, so he didn't have to do it, but God gave him credit for doing it because he was willing to do it.
I am not just playing the violin for Bella. I am addressing the statement that the there was no moral reconciliation or change with significant cost to make Bella's happy ending a good happy ending.
In my first post I examined the change. I believe Bella's grow from frail school girl to strong mother is the theme of the Twilight saga. This explains the non-ending so many people are upset about. A fight would have cost the lives of so many beloved characters, and it was not necessary to show the completion of Bella's journey. This saga has been compared to Deathly Hallows and the war that was fought at the end of that book with the long list of causalities. Harry's enemy from the first chapter of the first book was Tom Riddle. Harry's journey was not complete until he faced Tom and won. Bella doesn't have an enemy from the first chapter of the first book. This isn't about Bella overcoming a specific enemy, it is about Bella becoming all that she can be. A Hamlet style ending is not necessary to demonstrate the completion of Bella's journey. Actually, it would have detracted from it. It was important to the theme of the story that Bella be the superhero that saved the day. This would not have been the case if there had actually been a fight.
In this post I have elaborated on the significant cost.
Having established both change and significant cost I submit that Bella's is a legitimate happy ending consistent with the theme of the saga.