It's realy strange. It's been a year since I was separeted from man I love. And I'm not in love with anyone right now. And it's so depressing. I don't see reason for living. I don't have one. Although I have family and I have my studies, and I have my fantasies, I don't see reason. There is nothing I want to do. There's nothing I want to become. Just alone in my depressing life. It seems like everyone has something to do. Something to live for. Everyone dreams of something. But I got nothing. I tried to find some reoson for myself, but they doesn't work. I been having this feeling for two month or so and I keep telling myself it will go away. As it ussualy does after one or two or three days of sorrow, but it just doesn't. I don't know why... And so I think that living forever is the worst thing that could happen to anyone, it's because I guess I believe in something after death.
And I guess to get out of this state of numbness I need to find someone to love. I need to fall in love. But it's hard to find anyone. Noone in my area is enough atracting for me. And I don't trust internet, because you never know who's on the other side. It's so hard. I don't know why I'm writing it all, but I kinda felt like it....