Buy him a motor cycle, tell him Jacob bought it, and pay Jacob to cry when Charlie refuses to ride it and wants to get rid of it.
Tell him the truth about Edward and Jacob (you know what they REALLY are…). Get Edward to back you up. awesome.
Tell him the Police Station fired him and is replacing him with Edward, seeing how he has way faster reflexes.
Set him up with Jessica... have her talk about how hot Edward is all night and how Bella needs to die.
Two words: Bella slash.
Force him to read Eclipse (more specifically the kissing scenes) over and over. Points given to people who can make him hurl.
After doing the last one take him to a Twilight book signing (take me too!!). Introduce him to Stephanie Meyer. Get her to talk about Bella and Edward romance. Don't let her stop for at least two hours. Note: If for some reason he didn't catch it all, you can always recite your speck on Edward's hotness again… and again.
Buy him a dog named Jacob and a cat named Edward. Watch his face… (Warning: language used by Charlie after this one may not be suitable for small children).
Tell him that Bella and Edward eloped. See above for warning.
Tell him Billy has a crush on him.