Some ways to annoy Esme Cullen

Pay a drunken hillbilly to follow her around and track mud/cow poop/etc all over her house.

Tell her Carlisle left her for Edward…and Aro.

Write her life story. Make sure it’s filled with things like how she two-timed Carlisle with Jane and how she is single handedly responsible for Global warming and the decay of the ozone layer. Send it to everyone you can think of. Send Carlisle two copies. Oh, and don’t forget to tell everyone she wrote it.

Next time the Cullens go hunting throw a huge party at their house. Break EVERYTHING and make a total mess. Make sure the party is done before Esme gets back- but leave the mess. When she gets back tell her Jacob did it.

After doing the last one pretend to feel all sorryish about her wrecked house. To “make up for it” give it an all extreme makeover with a Gothic/Redneck theme. When she tries to re-do it cry until she agrees to keep it.

Shave her head. Tell her Edward did it for a mother’s day present. When she says it's not mother's day say "I know." and walk away.

Tell her Edward left to join the Volturi when he really only left on a date with Bella. Watch her flip out when he gets back! Bring popcorn, remember you manners and save some for mom, its mother’s day after all.

Send her a mother’s day card that plays “Sexy Back” and follow her around with it. Open, close, open, close… Tell her Jane sent it to her.