After the first one, tell her that Edward and his family are vampires, Jacob is a werewolf etc. Bring up the fact that you think that the wedding will be lots of fun because all of her new in-laws will be there. If she hasn't passed out yet tell her that Phil just LOVES Esme, Edward's mother.
Tell her that Phil was just murdered…by Charlie.
Call her randomly and tell her that she won an all expense paid vacation to Forks.
After telling her about the Cullens and the Werewolves, tell her that Jacob is in love with her.
Pay Jane to stalk her, and sing right her love poems.…read some of them when Phil's around.
To make up for all the rotten stuff you did to her, offer to set up a nice romantic evening for her and Phil. Offer to give her a makeover for the occasion. (This is where the fun starts) Shave her bald and tell her that that's what Phil likes. Take pictures, you know the drill. Oh, make sure the date is at a place close to somewhere that sells popcorn, you're gonna need it.
On said date, pretend to feel all sorry about the bald thing and say you really thought you were helping. To make up for your "mistakes" offer to make the date more romantic. Quote Romeo and Juliet in a really high and opera-like voice. Then, burp the ABCs and play the Canadian National anthem on your tuba, REALLY loud and REALLY off-key.
Make her read Bella/Edward M rated stories. WARNING! Your computer may be in danger from her puking! If so, GET IT ON TAPE!
Invite her and Charlie to Bella's "pre-wedding party" FAR, FAR away from Forks and Florida. "Accidentally" only book one hotel room, with one bed