The Twilight Saga

Sorry, a simple word that is full of meaning. We always hear someone saying that he is sorry for what he have done that affected others badly. But is that simple word can change one’s own life? Well, I have something to tell you about saying sorry to someone I hurt almost half a year ago.

When I became a third year high school student, I noticed a boy that is always happy talking with my other classmates. That is the first time I met him or maybe I saw him before but didn’t mind his presence. I already knew the first time I saw him that we will be good friends.

I am a simple girl whose dream is to have a happy and still a simple life with my family and friends. I am the oldest child among the two of us, my brother and me. I have my mother who is always there to guide and help me, my father who teach me how to respect others and to fight for myself if I knew that I am right, and my younger brother who keeps my life happy and gay. I have also my cousins in father side who dominantly are boys. I grew with them playing and learning things in life. In my mother’s side, I am the oldest among those of my first cousins. We are not rich, but definitely not poor. We don’t do things that can hurt others’ feelings nor destroy their lives. We respect other’s decision towards something. We do things carefully and surely so that we will not regret it later. I inherited my father’s worst attitude, being a hotheaded person.

As time goes by, I felt that my prediction is somewhat happening already. The day will not pass without talking to him. He is the most joyful person I ever saw. He is good in math and excellent in science. We talk to each other as if we already knew each other for a long time. We punch and kick each other like little kids who were playing their favorite game. In “kalokohan”, we always agree to each other’s opinion. We share the same food and eat together as if we were as one. When I do not know how to answer something, I can easily ask him and he will give me the correct one and tell me how he arrived to that answer.

But because of my mistake, I destroyed the happy and colorful picture and replaced it with a lonely and dark one. I have created a big and very thick wall between us because of the same subject we both like. I always remember that day when we became foes. I remember exactly what I said and what he replied to me. That happened when the results of an exam in math was given… he sat beside me and he got his paper first before me so I asked him what is his score, then when I received my paper, I hid my score because it is lower than him. When he tried to know what my score is, I told him that I got a low score. Then when he saw my score, he said that I am boastful to say that my score is low. I then realized that he misinterpreted what I said. Yeah, I know in myself that I shouldn’t tell those words because his score is higher than mine not increasing in five points. And really, that is high compared to the score of the others. I can’t think of other terms to use that will not make them think that I am boastful. I tried to be humble that it turned to the point that the situation became worst. I lost my friend.

Now, that we are in fourth year and last year in high school, I am afraid to graduate without solving my problems, first is that ruined friendship, second is my reputation to others. Why reputation to others? Because I know that many of my classmates and in other sections think of me as a bad person. Some of them are my classmates for a long time then they still don’t know me at all. They think the worst in me and not including the good things about me. They jump into conclusions about me easily and without noticing that they also have their worst attitude, being too sure of something and back fighting. I hate those persons who are plastic and bias. They can change their attitude towards me when they need something, and when I am not around, they say that I am like that, like these… some who hear them saying those, just take it as a joke, but my life isn’t a joke to laugh on, I am also like them who can be easily hurt, who can be affected by what they say. What must I do for them to respect the real me? What should I do if this is me, no more, no less?

Yes, sometimes, I became too greedy, but with a good reason that they didn’t know so they just say that I am so greedy to the highest level. They say that I am so slow. Why? My reason is that I like to do things as correctly as possible but I am not trained to do it as fast as I can. I take my time in doing it carefully because when I make it faster, then, maybe I will miss a little thing that can make it wrong. In speaking, I am slow because I can’t think as fast as they can, that is my way to take time for thinking. What about them, whose mannerism is to say “ahm”, “ah”, “hmm”, they are doing the same thing too but in different way. Do they want me to change those attitudes for them to bully me easily?

Back to the real topic, I don’t really know what to do to mend him. Should we be friends again or remain worst enemies ’til the end of my life? I do not know what to do. I am lost in the dark and I can’t see the light. I’m alone; no one can feel my presence. No one pays attention on me. No one likes me. But, as I started playing online games, I realized that there are so many persons that can be your friend. In cyberspace, I met them, we haven’t yet seeing in real life. I have those friends that I can ask for help, and ready to help me solve my problems. I like them, I love them, especially kuya Jiao and ate My. They are the best examples of good friends. I didn’t know them personally, but I can predict what their characteristics are because every time I ask their opinions to something, they tried to answer me honestly and sincerely. When I ask ate My of what should I do to recover our friendship, then she asked me what happened and what is his favorite food because she told me that when she says sorry to someone, she also gives him his favorite food. That is girl to girl advice, but from a boy’s opinion is different. When I asked kuya Jiao what do boys want for them to forgive someone who hurt them, he said that a simple sorry is enough, no more, no less. Then he added that sorry maybe a simple word but is full of meaning. And when that boy didn’t forgive me, then he is egocentric. I am afraid to do anything on what they said to me. I can’t say sorry in person but maybe, just maybe, this is a way of saying how regretful I am to lose him as my friend.

(This piece is mostly true to life, but I think, I put some sentences that are not true.)

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