When I thought back to that night, as I often did late at night, I knew it had been the best nights of my life. I had experienced the full, explosive power of true love in one night and nothing could ever compare. I had known it then, but I didn’t think it would be so hard to live with.
A tear rolled down my cheek, as I lay in bed alone, thinking of my one night stand with Edward Cullen. That was all it was technically, just a one night stand, but it had been so much more than that. I had fallen in love with him from the first time I laid eyes on him, and he too had seemed fixated by me, but we could never be together. He said it was too dangerous, he was too dangerous, he always desired my blood as much as he desired me. He said he couldn’t live with himself if he lost control and hurt me. He’d spent the whole of our time at school, trying not to be near me, trying not to torture himself and risk my life – but just for one night, that had all changed. It had happened after the prom, he said he would be leaving Forks forever after school finished, so prom could be a final goodbye for us. Though I’d always hated the thought of prom, and had previously had no intention of going (I’d turned down Mike Newton’s offer) – I couldn’t say no when he invited me. I couldn’t bear the thought of him being gone forever, but I knew I couldn’t stop him leaving, deep down I knew I wasn’t good enough for him and I was no reason for him to stay in Forks.
I had felt so plain that night in my simple white dress, he was utterly dazzling as always. The night was beautiful, but tinged with pain from the knowledge that he was leaving. I couldn’t remember anything of that night apart from him, to this day I couldn’t recall what music had played, who else was there and what they all wore, all I could visualise was his stunning face and intense eyes. When we kissed it had been amazing, I’d never felt anything like it. It wasn’t my first kiss, that had been with Jacob in his garage, he’d kissed me…and I’d just sort of gone with it, not knowing quite what else to do. But Edward’s kiss was so different, I don’t think I’d ever wanted anything more. His beautiful face leaned into mine and I shut my eyes and let his lips meet mine. I remember how the kiss had completely overwhelmed me, my mouth had opened and I pulled myself closer to him. My eyes were streaming know with the pain of this beautiful memory, yet I continued to torture myself with it. He didn’t fight my passion, as I had thought he would try to. Being in his arms had been the best feeling ever, nothing else mattered in that moment, it was as though everything we’d felt for each other throughout high school came out in that one magical kiss. I was held each other tightly, I knew we were both accepting these feelings…and we didn’t want to deny them any longer. Things had started to get a little heated, explosive in fact, I think our passion was attracting attention and so, without a word he broke free from the kiss, and before I could protest he put a finger to my lips and lead me out of the prom. I didn’t know where we were going, I followed blindly, he could have taken me anywhere I wanted him so badly, I’d have done anything. He’d taken me to a hotel, and that was when I knew he was serious. Serious about how he felt, and serious about leaving – he wouldn’t do this if it wasn’t goodbye. It was my first time and it was incredible, he seemed to know exactly what my body wanted before I knew myself. Everything was perfect, he was so tender, so delicate and loving, but so passionate. His hands on my body were electrifying…no-one had ever had that effect on me since. That night I had cried out with the pleasure he was giving me, and the pain of knowing he was leaving me. I had given myself too him completely and it was perfection. In the morning he was gone and the pain of that memory, brought me back to reality. I was in bed alone, but I had one reminder of him, my baby, Cathy. Sleeping soundly next door, she was the only real source of joy in my life. Edward couldn’t have known that I would get pregnant, I certainly never thought a vampire could impregnate me. She was a beautiful little girl, and so gifted, so talented and so intelligent – she seemed to know from the day she was born, that being half-human, half-vampire was our little secret.
After Edward left, I had sunk into a depressed state and Jacob was the only one who bothered to talk to me at the time, and I guess I had been sort of grateful for his attention. Without him, I might have just as well been invisible. In an odd way he’d kept me going and seemed to genuinely care for me, and despite my moping we’d grown close. We’d always been good friends, because of Charlie and Billy, but he’d always hated Edward, I suppose it was a mix of jealousy and the wolf inside him. We’d sort of ended up boyfriend and girlfriend without me noticing it…as we spent more time together, it just happened. I’d always known he liked me, since the time he’d first kissed me in his garage when we were a lot younger…and as he continued to take care of me after Edward left I guess I sort of let it all happen. I couldn’t remember my first time with Jacob in perfect detail, like I could with Edward, even though the two events had been quite close together…maybe even as little as weeks apart. It had been one night at his house, when Billy was away. We were watching TV, when he had lead me into his room…and I knew what he wanted. I didn’t fight it as he kissed me urgently, his warm, hot mouth moving down my neck. I didn’t know whether it was what I wanted or not, but I wanted to make Jake happy, he had been so good to me, and I felt like I owed him this. I tried to get more into it, but I couldn’t, it was as if I didn’t know what to do when it wasn’t Edward. That night with him things had been so natural, but Jake and I were awkward and uneasy. I let him undress me and kiss me more, before finally letting it happen, it was nice, but it couldn’t compare, it had none of the intensity that prom night had. Jake had tried to be tender with his hands, but they just didn’t effect my like Edward’s touch did. I remember feeling awkward after it had happened, but Jake seemed pleased, so I felt re-assured that I’d him happy at least. It wasn’t long after that night the signs of little Cathy growing inside me started to show. I think Jake felt guilty, and had proposed straight away. I was terrified, I accepted, not knowing what to do. Somehow, even then, I knew the child inside wasn’t Jake’s. It soon turned out that Jake knew it too, or at least he suspected something…we never talked about it, but he didn’t love little Cathy the way a proud father should. I was overjoyed with little Cathy, I couldn’t love her more – but she was constant source of tension for me and Jake.
And, now six years later, here I was sobbing to myself. Jake was out a bar, or drinking at friends house, he drank a lot these days. He’d come home and pass out, that was the best I could hope for. Other times he’d come home drunk, far worse things would happen. I shuddered at the thought and preyed for him to pass out on the sofa. I heard him come back and quickly pretended to sleep. Oh no, he was coming up the stairs, bad sign. I wished I really could be asleep. I breathed deeply trying to be convincingly asleep.
“Bella” he slurred…
I breathed deeply, ignoring him.
He shook me a little and kissed my face with his wet lips.
“Fine don’t wake up” he growled.
He rolled on to his back and started muttering to himself…
“Good job your asleep, I’m so goddam mad…dam blood-sucker, back on our land, after so long…”
My hear beat quickened listening to his drunken ramblings.
“If I get my hands on him…” It became too slurred for me to understand and he was soon snoring.
But I couldn’t sleep at all. A blood sucker…a vampire, and back, could it be?!
Would it really be him I wondered, my heart ached at the thought of his beautiful face. I didn’t want to get my hopes up, but I couldn’t help it. Big silent tears soaked my pillow as I thought of what my life had become, living in a tiny house with an abusive husband. What would Edward think of me? Would he even care?
I got Jake up for work the next day, he was in an especially foul mood, hungover and grouchy. I made him breakfast and coffee, trying to keep from irritating him.
“Good breakfast honey” he said between mouthfuls, I seemed to be doing ok.
Feeling brave, I brought up the subject…
“So how was last night?”
“ARRghh” he growled, shooting me a sharp look and holding his sore head.
“I’m not in the mood to talk about it” he spat.
“Let’s just say, there’s some filthy blood-sucking business to be taken care of”
I pretended to be surprised…
“Vampires?” I asked.
He narrowed his eyes at me in disgust, he never called them that, always leeches or blood-suckers.
He was staring at me, looking angry and I regretted asking. I turned round to put more coffee on.
“Don’t you go getting, excited, leech-lover” he said gruffly.
I pretended not to hear and fiddled with the coffee maker.
“You won’t be seeing him, no leech is coming near my wife” he continued.
I swallowed, tears welling up in my eyes, fought them off and turned to hand him his flask of coffee. With that he left for work.
I managed to keep it together long enough to drop Cathy off at school, though she knew I was upset.
“Momma, why are you sad?” she said sweetly.
I stroked her hair, “nothing for you to worry about sweetheart” I sighed.
I hugged her tight and she skipped through the school gates. My angel, I thought, Gotta keep it together for her...
Back home I threw myself into cleaning, scrubbing, scouring and dusting everything in sight. When the house was sparkling, I lay on the sofa and closed my eyes…it had been a pretty sleepless night. I dreamed of being in Edward’s arms again, fantasising about that night…only it seemed so real, the only difference was me…I wasn’t a teenager, I was 23 just like now…and Edward youthful as ever still knew what to do to me. When I woke up from my vivid dream, I was sweating and so I went upstairs for a shower, it was still early…I had plenty of time before Cathy would be home from school and even longer before Jake would be back. He was working far out of town today.
The shower brought me back to reality, but it was a hopeful reality. Edward might just be out there and for a moment I allowed myself to believe he was out there for me. Just as I was drying there was a knock the door. I had no idea who it could be, so I threw on my night-dress and ran down the stairs. I felt strange sense of anxeity, and when I opened the door I knew why….
I blinked several times, it was him. Edward Cullen was in my doorway.
I couldn’t believe this was really happening. “Oh Edward” I breathed, he was even more beautiful than I had remembered. My eyes soaked up the sight of his gorgeous, youthful face. I was suddenly self-conscious. My god-like vampire one-night stand was in the doorway and here I was damp in a thin nightie, with my dripping wet hair starting to splosh down my shoulders. I shivered, not sure what do next.
“Hello Bella” he said in his velvet voice.
Everything I’d ever felt for him came rushing back to me ten-fold as he uttered those words and looked me up and down….