Hey guys, so i just started this story again.... i still have to edit it, or i might start over again, thats all up the critisim i get! So tell me what you think!
It felt as though I was living a perfect life before my own personal tragedy hit and came storming down on my life. I had never gone through anything majorly catastrophic, maybe that was why I was so optimistic, nothing ever happened to me. I thought about that deeply over the last few weeks, and just came to the conclusion that I was due for a tragedy, and since I had never experienced one over my seventeen years of life, the one I would experience would be the big.
And it was.
March 31st was the day it had happened. The beginning of it all. The first day of continues misery. I was at my life long friend Lou’s house finishing our history project on how the civil war had affected New York. I was in a bliss, not yet realizing that my tragedy had already hit. After our project was completed Lou snuck down stairs to prepare us a little victory drink- hot chocolate with a shot of mint baileys while her mother Denise was soaking it up in her bath tub with her new boyfriend we nicknamed Twain. Denise always had different boyfriends over, and now she was throwing back Wayne and Thomas, so we just called them all Twain.
It would have been a memorable night if my tragedy didn’t hit. We listened to music, played a bit of dress up in her big sister closet, and even made some progress on Nicky (Lou’s forever crush). It was when we crashed on the sofa and started our scary movie marathon that Denise came in red eyed and tear streaked skin.
“Livy baby the police just called.” Denise trembled.
I started back at her, not knowing if it was one of her jokes, or she drank to much or if it was really an emergency. When the thought stopped on maybe it was actually a emergency I thought of my parents. I opened my mouth to ask about them, but she had her hand up and let out a sob. “They we’re in the city and they got mugged! They didn’t survive.”
The rest of the night was fuzzy, I don’t really remember Lou holding me tight and weeping with me, but I remember the touch, the wrath that consoled me even though I would not heal. Not then, and not now. For weeks I was in a daze, I don’t even remember the funeral. The day of the funeral my body was there but my soul wasn’t. The most I remember of that day was the clear sky, I couldn’t say what was said to me, what the food was, but I do remember the blue sky, the soft wind that blew through my hair, and the birds that were flying north after being in the sunny south for the entire winter.
I tried to move on after the weeks that followed, but I couldn’t get back into my groove. I was living with Lou until school was finished and I would have to move up north up into Canada at my Grandmother’s farm. Maybe that’s why I couldn’t get back on track, I knew my life would be changing in just a few weeks, and what has always been my life would be no longer. My peers at school started treating me differently as well. My girlfriends that had always confided in me no longer whispered secrets about boys or about girls. The boys that were my friends treated me like I was emotionally unstable, waiting for me to break down any second.
My life just was not the same, and I knew I’d never get that back.
The last day of school came, and when I came down stairs dreading the goodbyes from my friends, Denise was there waiting for me. I had a situation she informed me, today was the last day I had to raid my old house of all the things I wanted to keep. Without a doubt in my mind I decided to go with Denise.
After a ten minute drive to the other side of our suburbs we arrived at my home, for the first time since March 31st. Denise provided me with a big cardboard box and told me that she was going to wait in the car. I was fine with that, I didn’t need a audience when I’d break down. I headed straight up to my room, not wanting to dwell on the old memories I would have to eventually deal with.
I paused at the door and looked around my bedroom, then all the memories came rushing back- the pretty black and white vase my father got me on my sixteenth birthday; filled with a dozen red roses, sitting with my mother on my bed while she did my makeup for junior prom, my red walls I begged my dad to paint, telling my dad his opinion didn’t matter about my French grade, slamming the door in my mothers face because of a silly fight. Tears welled up in my eyes, I should’ve been a better daughter.
Stop it, I told myself, You can’t start crying now, Denise is in the car waiting for you.
I pushed the grief down into the pits of my stomach with one quick swallow and ignored the pain. I imminently got to work and crawl under my bed to retrieve my treasure box my father made me when I was six. Inside it had my giraffe DeLay, which had dried up spots of gum on his ear that I stuck on when I was five when I got yelled at for chew gum in church. Also in my treasure chest was a pile of pictures – Lou and I when we were six playing tea party, my mother in her wedding dress with me smiling beside her in a pretty poufy purple dress when her and my father renewed there vows when I was seven. Also in my treasure chest was my animal encopidea that my father got me when I told him I wanted to be a animal photographer.
“Never give up on your dreams” He told me when I opened the big parcel.
I put my books in the gigantic cardboard box and left my room, without a backwards glance or a sob by goodbye, I was saving that for my parents room. Up the hall was my parents room. The décor was just like my mom, elegant yet simple, and it faintly smells like my father’s musk. I breath it in, letting the emotion prickle my eyes with tears. I run my finger on their dresser, leaving a distinct trail in the built up dust and that’s when I realized, this was no longer my home. Everything was settled, the air was musty and moist from the windows being shut, and the lack of use of the front door.
I opened my mothers jeweler box to retrieve the rest of my treasures. A golden ring that my grandma gave my mom when she was passing so that I can once have it and give it to my true love when I met him, if it did ever happen. I closed the jeweler box leaving the rest of my mother’s glamour shut, I had no use for it. I put the golden ring on my left fore finger noting that it was a tad to big for my tiny fingers.
Lastly on my list was my mothers perfume. The sweet smell had always called on me even as I child and now that my mother was gone I want it. I un did the lid of the translucent pink bottle and took out the glass stick. I inhaled deeply and softly ran the stick over my wrists. It was the final blow.
The air in my lungs escaped and I clutched my chest in fear of losing control on my senses. Tears that had been welling up in my eyes since I entered the room escaped and broke free from my clutch I have been trying so hard to keep since the beginning of April.
After an emotional goodbye to Lou and Denise I got on my flight alone to Pearson Airport in Ontario Canada. As the plane took off and I watched the airport from above I thought about how much I would miss my life in New York.
I couldn’t help but sit there and let myself fall into a depression as I sat there waiting for my plane to land, only so I could get on a train for 4 hours. I missed Lou, and I was scared I wasn’t ready to live a new life I tried so hard never to get caught up in. Let’s face it, I wasn’t a country girl. I could never classify myself as a city girl, I wasn’t materialistic or the type to be seen in a club, but I knew I was defiantly not a country girl ether. The things I liked we’re reading, going to the movies with my friends, and going sight seeing around the city. Things I did not like were hiking, horseback riding, and going to bonfires so I could smell like smoke. But that was my new life that I would have to face.
Be optimistic, I kept telling myself. That’s what my parents had always taught me, to not dwell on the bad and find the good in everything. That’s how my parents were, and I’m sure they’d be ashamed that I was acting so dull.
I closed my eyes and emptied my head of all the thoughts that were eating away at my soul. I didn’t want to think of my parents, I didn’t want to think of how much I was going to miss Lou, and I didn’t want to think about how my new life would turn out. I let myself be taken by the sleeping pills I had taken from Denise’s bathroom just before we left.
I slept through the whole plane ride, plus three quarters on my train ride. When the train stopped at “Hess village’s train station” it felt as though no time had passed at all and my new home came more quickly than I thought it would. It was nearly twilight when I hopped off the train with my single bag ( Denise had all my other stuff mailed). The sky was a golden pink, with only a few fluffy white clouds that had a golden shine. I took a deep breath of air and was surprised when it made me feel light headed. The air was thin, and fresh, just like I remember.
Mim was waiting for me inside her old ford pick up truck that used to be my grandpa’s. Her short red hair was blowing freely in the wind that blew in her open window. When I came closer to the truck I saw that she was reading a book, ether she was going deaf and didn’t hear the train or she was soaked up in the novel and wasn’t paying attention to anything else.
“Mim!” I nearly shouted, trying to get her attention.
When her face turned and she put her book down in her lap. Her squinty blue eyes that were surrounded by wrinkles got wide. “Oh my Olivia when did you get here.”
“Just now Mim, on the train.” I pointed at the train behind me.
“Hell!” She said shaking her head. “I must be getting old, you know I didn’t even hear the train.”
I smiled at her and walked around the back of her truck, threw my bag in the back then crawled in the passenger seat. It was a 15 minute drive to Mim’s farm, or should I say, my new home. During the ride Mim chatted happily about her life up here in the heart of Ontario. To her, Hess village was a booming old town full of interesting people and high energy.
I saw it as the opposite.
“You’ll see Sukki probably tomorrow.” She said talking about my cousin I only saw once a year, a cousin I wasn’t close to at all nor did I want to be close to someone so self centered as Sukki. “And you’ll meet Jamie, he’s the stable boy. He’s your age, and he’s such a nice boy!”
We pulled up to the farm house and just like every time it took my breath away. It was so beautiful, a pretty red barn in the back where all the horses stayed, the rolling green fields, and the old fashion house that my father and Grandfather built together before I was born.
“Oh uh Olivia I forgot to tell you, but Betty is picking me up in a hour for bingo.” Mim admitted as we walked up to the door. Truthfully I didn’t care, so I reassured her.
“It’s okay I don’t mind staying alone.” I told her happily and truly I was. I liked being alone. I liked not having to fill in empty silences with small talk.
Mim’s house was exactly like I remembered, lack of color, to much décor and very cluttery. Mim was a pack rat, she kept everything from over the years and even kept things when my dad passes, like old lamps, movies, magazines, and some of my dads old clothes that were probably in the storage room up in the attic.
I shrugged as I followed the carpeted path up the stairs and into my room. My room was very much the same as it’s always been. Light pink faded walls, an old white dresser, a queen-size bed that probably sat there all year made up, and lamps, all over. Pink fluffy lamps beside the bed table, old gas lit lamps beside onto of the computer desk, and boring lamps of all shapes and sizes on the dresser. I put my duffle bag on the bed and took every lamp in the room and shoved it in my closet, so that the room was lamp free.
In my duffle bag I had enough clothes for three days, so I didn’t have much to unpack. I went downstairs to throw on a movie, when I saw bright headlights shine in the house from outside. Mim tottled downstairs as I looked outside to see Mim’s best friend Betty Ray sitting in her big grandma car.
“Okay I’m leaving now Olivia.” Mim told me from the front door. “If you need me the phone number of the bingo place is on the fridge, they know who I am. Oh! And I nearly forgot, Jamie will be by anytime to check on a horse. So don’t worry if there is a strange boy outside.”
“Okay Mim.” I said getting up to give her a hug. “Have fun and win big!”
“Bye bye babe!”
I sat down on the couch and continued watching my movie. It was probably the first time in three weeks that I didn’t feel so overwhelmed.
When bright headlights drove past my house and into the back where the barn was I didn’t worry. I got up and even made myself a milkshake, two scopes of chocolate, one strawberry and one banana. Halfway through the movie I put my milkshake in the freezer, paused my movie and went upstairs to throw up my dark brown hair, and put on my favorite pair comfy shorts (because Mim didn’t have the air conditioning on) and my old school t shirt my mom bought for me to show team sprit, she was always encouraging me to get in there.
Its not like I never could have been in with the it crowd, I was pretty enough. My long brown hair, ivory skin, clear completion, and height I inherited from my mom who was completely flawless. She would always make me go to photo shoots to try and land a modeling job, but it wasn’t my thing. I didn’t have the personality for it. I wasn’t outgoing, or even that social. I had my fathers personality, smart, quiet, kind, and optimistic. I also had his green eyes.
A knock on the backdoor echoed through the house, and I nearly fell as I bolted downstairs to answer it. From the other side of the shimmery glass I could see a tall figure, way taller then me, maybe 6’2? I opened it a peak just incase it was an intruder but then I remembered that Jamie was back there, and I had a loud scream if it wasn’t him.
I look at the stranger and it seemed as though time stopped for the both of us. I was suddenly engulfed in blue eyes, and I could see oceans. Our eyes locked and I was starting at the most beautiful boy I’ve ever seen. He had short black hair, russet skin, and blue eyes. Around his blue eyes that had so many dimensions I couldn’t tear my eyes away where thick black eye lashes. His face was hard and perfectly shaped just like a models would be, beautiful high cheek bones and perfect soft lips.
“Hi” The boy said in a husky voice.
“Uh hi.” I stampeded and opened the door. “Are you Jamie?”
“Mhm.” He smiled a bit and put his hands in his pockets. Oh lord! What a beautiful body. “It’s Livy right?”
“Uh yeah! How’d you know I prefer Livy?” I asked.
He took his right hand out of his pocket and put it through his hair then grinned. “Don’t most Olivia’s prefer Livy?”
I laughed at myself then, of course they did. “Ya, I think they do.”
Jamie smiled and my heart skipped a beat- I’m sure. “Is Mim here?” He asked. “One of the mares just delivered her baby and I need a few things.”
“She’s at bingo.” I said in awe, he even delivered baby horses.
“Of course she is.” He chuckled. “Can I come in and grab a towel, and something to eat for the mare?”
I opened the door and let him in. He gave me another smile and went upstairs probably to find a towel. I went to the kitchen, feeling light headed and a little stupid. He probably thinks I’m such a dork! I opened the freezer, grabbed my milkshake and hopped on the kitchen counter. I stirred the milkshake around and let the Goosebumps form on my upper arms and legs.
“Cold?” Jamie’s husky voice asked. Then he put a hand on my arm and rubbed him arms on my Goosebumps which disappeared.
“Milkshake.” I said showing him my freeze drink and he chuckled. “Want one?”
His face stretched into another smile. “I would but Cola the mare is really hungry. How about you come by the barn tomorrow and bring me one? I’ll even let you see the new baby.”
“Okay.” I smiled.
“I’d invite you now, but Sukki is just pulling in the drive way and three’s a crowd.” Jamie said grabbing a apple handful of apples and a loaf of bread from the pantry. “Bye Livy.”
He left just as Sukki opened the front door. Her gingery hair and blue eyes was not what I wanted to see at all.
“Hiya Liv!” She chirped. “My friend Kelsey down the street said Jamie Keller was here. So I thought I’d come spy on him with you!”
“Ya he was just here, but I think he’s busy Sukki.” I said rolling my eyes as I went back to my movie.
“Did he talk to you!” She said following me.
“Um yes, he needed something for the horses.” I told her. “Why does he not talk to you or something?”
“Oh I talk to him all the time.” Sukki said sitting down on the opposite couch. “But I guess since I’m taken he only gives me one words, ya no?”
“Mhm.” I said trying to watch my movie.
“He probably talks to you more because you’re a orphan now, you know?” She laughed.
I just rolled my eyes and turned up the volume. I didn’t like Sukki one bit, and getting into a fight with her now would only make my life harder in the long run, like when school started.
“Are you watching a cartoon Liv?” Sukki laughed. “Oh my, oh my. You’ve got a lot to learn if your going to start hanging out with me in the fall. People I hang out with don’t watch cartoons!”
“We’ll you don’t have to hang out with me then Sukki. “ I muttered.
“My mom made me promise I would Liv so don’t be like that. I get a new cell phone if I hang out with you.” She rolled her eyes.
“So don’t you think Jamie is super sexy?” Sukki said as she got up and peaked out the back window. “He doesn’t date though, he just stays with his family. So don’t get your hopes up.” Then she laughed. “He’s kinda weird though, I mean if he talked to you and all. All my girlfriends have been trying so hard to get a conversation out of him, and he talks to you!”
“So weird.” I said. Trying to ignore her.
“Anyways, not this Friday but next Friday my boyfriend Luke is having a party, and I told my mom I’d take you.” She said rolling her eyes.
“It’s okay Sukki, you don’t need to take me.” I told her because I didn’t want to go, and I didn’t want to be stuck with Sukki all night.
“I have to Liv, or else I don’t get my phone!” She pouted and nearly shouted at me.
“Okay, okay.” I said not wanting to argue with her. I’d just get Mim to call aunt Jesse saying I’m sick or something.
“Good, see you later.” She said walking to the front door ad slamming it behind her.
Not wanting to encounter anyone else that night, I shut off my movie and headed for bed. Knowing I had no chance to even be bless with someone so perfect like Jamie, I didn’t want to get my hopes up in thinking he’d come visit again. I shut all the lights off, brushed my teeth, then crawled in bed, falling asleep in no time again. The only thing waking me up that night was the coyotes that we’re howling, because surely there we’re no wolfs. Were they?