The Twilight Saga

Okay, I haven't written anything in about a year. Well, seriously. I've started fanfictions that didn't really seem to go anywhere. But I've started reading an amazing book series, and I feel inspired to start writing again. :D So, you, the members of Twilight Saga, get to critique me. I've shared it with three of my friends, who are writers themselves, and I want opinions from the general public. NO, it is not Twilight related. But it is about vampires, given, they are a different brand than what most of you may be used to. Nevertheless, here's the *short* prologue of my story "Ultimatum." I hope you all like it.

Note: I'm sorry if the format is confusing. The italics are outside narration, not a character's thoughts or words. I wanted badly to tie in the "life/death" coin analogy with the prologue.
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“Death is not a hunter unbeknownst to its prey. One is always aware that it lies in wait.”
-Shin Megami Tensei, Persona 3

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Life and death…

“Elena!” My voice sounds eerie, garbled by the blood filling my throat.

They’re two sides of the same coin…

“Don’t worry!” Alexander’s breathing is heavy, his voice too far away, though he’s inches from my face. “Just hold on! You’ll be okay!” His tone, the burns and gashes on his face contradict the message, and Elena’s screams are becoming louder by the second.

And in neither can we find complete respite…

My vision begins to blur, the world growing darker by the second…

We may be no more than the currency of angels…

“Marie!” His voice echoing around me, my friend’s screams piercing the night…a sadistic chorus of my final hours…

But if we may exist on the coin’s rim…

The world around me is enveloped in a black curtain…

Will our troubled hearts be any closer to peace?

And I slept, unsure of when I’d wake.

That is my ultimate question.

Ultimatum

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