This is my first fan pic posted on here. It takes off from page 600 of eclipse....kind of a “what if”....
I do not own or claim to own any of the part in italics – they are direct quotes from stephenie meyer's eclipse
This includes a spoiler so anyone who hasn't read eclipse may wish to leave this discussion now!
It starts with a conversation between Bella and Jacob....
“The worst part....” I hesitated, and then let words spill out in a flood of truth. “The worst part is that I saw the whole thing – our whole life. And I want it bad, Jake, I want it all. I want to stay right here and never move. I want to love you and make you happy. And I can't, its killing me...”
“You can't or you wont?” Jacob whispered in my ear.
I could hear the tears in his voice, the hesitance. It killed me to hear him like that. The truth was that I loved him. I was in love with him. I loved him with every part of me.
“Just hear me out. You said yourself, you love me. And you know that I love you. I would go to the ends of the earth for you. I would give anything for you. My heart, my soul...”
I froze, those two words stunned me. My soul. If Edward was right my soul would be gone soon. It suddenly hit me how nervous about that I was.
“....we were meant to be Bella, we're soul mates. I know it.”
I lay there still on his chest, considering his words.
“Jake, I know you love me, and I know that what your saying is probably true, I just need time....”
“Well I'm not going anywhere Bells, you know I'm here for you, just like I always have been.”
I pulled away sharply, he was making a dig at Edward for leaving me.
“Your really trying to score points over Edward at a time like this?” I asked as I stood up and straightened my dress down. “You know what Jake, you nearly had me, for a second I questioned myself”
I headed for the door and reached for the handle. Suddenly his warm hands were on my shoulders as he leant to my ear to whisper
“You'll always have me Bella, take all the time you need. I'll wait as long as it takes.”
A wave of heat ran through me. Passion or fury, I didn't know. I just knew I needed to get out of there. To breathe.
I shrugged Jake off and pulled the door, headed for my truck.
The tears came sooner than I expected. I fired up the truck and headed out of La Push.
When I couldn't see anymore, I let my tires find the rough shoulder and rolled slowly to a stop. But I wasn't alone for very long – just exactly long enough for Alice to see me here, and then the few minutes it took him to arrive. The door creaked open....“Don't” I sobbed as Edward tried to scoop me into his arms.
“Bella...” he whispered
“No!” I tried to shout through the sobs but it sounded more like a muffled whisper. “I need to be alone, just, please”
“Let me drive you home at least.” Edward replied.
I scooted over and let him take the drivers seat. Hoping that for once he would drive the speed he usually drove in his Volvo. No such luck.
He was silent all the way home. I could feel his usual confident composure slipping away. I knew my state was scaring him.
I was hysterical. The tears wouldn't stop pouring from my face and I couldn't do anything to stop it. The pain ripped through me. How could I do this to Jacob? Although I knew he was trying to point score he was right, he had always been there for me. I knew that until my dying breath he would be. Whether that was out of old age or out of being...changed.
After what seemed like an age the house came into sight.
“Bella, I don't know what to do. Let me help you. I've never seen you like this...”
“No because last time you abandoned me” I spat back. I didn't know where the anger was coming from. Suddenly the rage inside me grew. “Last time I was in this state it was because of you. And you were nowhere to be found. You left me Edward. Do you remember that?”
“Of course I remember that” he whispered back looking down at the key in the ignition as he turned it off. “And I'll apologise for the rest of your life if that is what it takes. I was trying to protect you...”
“Protect me? Protect me! By leaving me in a hole of depression? Wishing I was dead? Risking my life for the chance of seeing you again? Tell me how that was protecting me?” I shouted. My emotions were running away with me now. I knew my words were hurting him but I couldn't stop.
“Bella I...” he began. His voice was frantic now as he leaned towards me to try and get hold of my hand.
“No!” I pulled away. “No. Just....don't touch me. I need time.”
“What?” I demanded “what's so funny?”
“I'm sorry” he replied, immediately his voice returning to the frantic state. “It's just now you need time? You wanted to be changed as quickly as possible. Now you need time?”
“Oh so you as well now? Now you're trying to point score? Well good for you. Don't come to my room tonight. If you don't want to wait then that will make the decision a dam sight easy for me. You left me once. And I'll be dammed if I let you do that to me again.” I jumped out my truck slamming the door and stormed up the path way, knowing that my last sentence would be cutting through him like a knife.
In that moment I wanted to turn and run to him. Comfort him. Tell him I didn't mean those words.
I turned to the truck and he had already gone.
Luckily Charlie had fallen asleep on the sofa. Trying to hold back the tears and remain quiet I turned off the flat screen and gently threw the blanket over Charlie before retreating to the safety of my room. I knew he would be waiting. Regardless of my wishes.
“I told you not to be here” I muttered as I closed the door behind me.
I was shocked to see Alice in front of me.
It took me a second before the panic set in. Had I made the decision? In my subconscious? Had she seen it before me?
“Edward wanted me to comfort you. You know that you're like a sister to me. Nothing could change that. Not even if you were not sure that you wanted to become one of us anymore.”
“Alice wait, I just....”
“Bella if you want to stay human we will all understand. We want you to be happy. I love my family, I love Jasper, this is what the powers chose for me. Fate I suppose. But if I were in your position...” she hesitated “I'm not sure I would put myself up for this.”
The confusion of this was too much to bear. I put my head in my hands. I needed to be alone.
“I will leave you to your thoughts. I just wanted to let you know, to make sure you knew that I would be here for you no matter what. Edward needs me now.”
When I looked up she had gone. Leaving just the flutter of my curtains behind her like a cool breeze.
I dropped to the bed and the pain hit me once more. I pulled my knees to my chin and let the tears fall from my face. How could I chose? How could I let one of them be in this kind of pain? How had I managed to fall in love with two people?
From the moment I had set eyes on Edward I had known that he was the one for me. It had been embedded on my mind, on my heart. Or that is what I had thought.
On the other hand Jacob was my life line, for a better choice of words. My best friend. My soul mate. Part of me wanted to take the kiss back, so that I would never be in this position. But I knew I couldn't. It was done. Jacob knew how I felt and even worse, Edward would know. Even if he didn't know already, I knew that Jacob would push it to the forefront of his mind next time they came into contact. So that he could torture Edward with it. Did I really want to be with someone who would cause that pain on someone else?
Yet I would cause pain for one of them. Whether I wanted it to happen or not.
All Edward had ever wanted since we met was too protect me. I knew that. But I also knew that he had left me. And I could never forget that. I didn't know if I could forgive him for that.
I stared down at my bracelet letting each charm slide through my fingers. The beautiful wolf that Jacob had carved for me. The exquisite diamond heart that Edward had given me.
For hours the same thoughts pulsed through my head as I held each charm in turn.
When the tears stopped I gave in to the exhaustion and allowed myself to sleep. Knowing that in the morning, I would break someone's heart. I only wish that I knew whose that would be.
I woke to the sound of an engine running. I walked to the window to see Charlie pulling away in his cruiser. Headed for the station no doubt.
It took me a moment to realise that my head was pounding. I looked around the room for pain killers before deciding that a shower was probably the best medication.
As I let the cool water rush over me I knew that my decision had been made. And that I had to stick with that decision. I could not continue to torture Edward or Jacob in this way. I loved them both more than my own existence.
I dressed slowly. Part of me was in no rush to get the day over with. But part of me wanted to run to him. To hold him. To tell him that I knew for sure now. He was the one for me. And that this time it was forever.
As I made my way to the truck I caught a glimpse of movement in the woods. A wolf? A vampire? I couldn't be sure.
This was it. I had to stand by my decision.
I fired up the truck and headed out. The window down allowing the morning air to wash over me. To clear my mind. The silence of the open road calmed me.
But not for long. As I reached the boundary line I saw him stood by the road side. Edward.
I pulled in beside him and got out of the truck.
“Alice told me.” he began as he enveloped me in a hug, his cool cheek resting against the top of my head.
“Edward, I have to tell him...” I began.
“I know my love” he replied as he tilted my chin to look into his eyes. Dark now I noticed. Darker than I had seen since the first time I saw him in the chemistry lab if that was possible.
He kissed me, hard, cold. I surrendered to his touch and kissed him back.
“I had to make a decision.” I whispered as he twined his fingers through mine lifting my wrist so I could see my bracelet.
“Alice saw the charm drop just after midnight. I knew your decision had been made.”
For the first time I noticed that the charm was missing. It wasn't intentional. Or was it?
“This decision is forever Bella, you know that? Right?”
“Yes” I murmured in response. “I'm sorry that you had to see my like that last night. I'm sorry for the words I said. You know that I didn't mean to hurt you.”
“I know, I know my love” he whispered quickly as he pulled me to him and kissed my hair holding the back of my head with one hand and my waist with the other. Tightly. Tighter than he had held me before.
“I love you Bella. More than you will ever know.”
And with that, he was gone.
I stood for a moment, staring at nothing. Letting my thoughts run with me. I knew that I had made the right choice. It was the only choice. It was my destiny.
And then I heard them. The wolves. Their howls loud and clear. Happy. Triumphant.
I looked down to the bracelet, held the wooden wolf tightly in my hand and finally let a smile spread across my face.